While I was writing my blog last week I started to immoderately stressing about the fact that I had trouble writing about the subject, coupled that with freaking out about time[1] and not wanting to disappoint Mistress. The biggest part that brought this on is that I started to write about service oriented submission, something that shared some touching glances with doing receptive tasks. But I realised while having written a big chunk of text on it, I was going hopelessly off course in a direction that had very little to do with the actual topic of my chosen subject.
So when this week came around, it made the choice for once all to simple although I am as per usual still procrastinating until the later moments before working myself up into a frenzy and delivering (a hopefully decent) blog and interesting subject. So in this blog I want to talk as indicated about Service Oriented Submissions (which abbreviation is SOS, which really isn’t a cry of warning to the domestic submissive hotline.)
When most people are asked or tell that they like service or like serving, a deeper probe into the actually meaning often brings to the forefront that it boils down to sexual service (the playful french maid that is taken by the owner) or other kinds of play, such at boot worship. However in reality there is a lot more to Service Oriented Submission than the frivolities of play, and while perhaps more seldom (or perhaps more overlooked) there are submissives who find deeper fulfilment into being of service to their dominant then actual play.
So what is the classic definition of Service-Oriented Submission?
It is defined as
“A person who enjoys performing a service in a sexual or BDSM environment.”
Service is any activity or function that you fill to make your dominant partner’s life easier. This could be as simple as preparing their coffee, laying out their clothes for them or performing domestic chores. However, to be of service to your dominant could be a fast range of activities; from domestic chores to running a house-hold, to taking care of appointments, acting as personal assistant, secretarial, chauffeur, planner and what ever else the mind of your dominant could come up with.
Because of it’s nature you could see service oriented in itself as both in and outside of BDSM. For example,we all know that we need to keep the house clean and do the dishes. If nothing else, got to have a cup of coffee in the morning. So where is the kink in that? The fact of the matter is that we just don’t do it for ourselves. As Service Oriented submissives we tend to look on how we can make our owners life easier. Sure it’s the easy cop-out answer “we do things because it pleases our owner.”
But once again a simple statement that perhaps belies the multitude of truths that are hidden beneath it, and if nothing else it is that need to please our owner that drives us forward. To give a good example; Mistress has asked me if I liked doing the housework at home for her. I had to think about it for a few moments, and I answered that honestly “that I know it makes her happy and in the end that is what counts for me and makes me want to do it.” There are days I love doing the housework because it gives me a sense of belonging of routine, of stability. And there are days where I really have to motivate myself to do it. But often when I do it while not feeling like it, I come away with enjoying it regardless.
In doing research for this article, I came across an excellent article by David Stein, called “What Slaves Need” in which he states that submissives always should look ruthlessly for that what they need, which he among others names as “direction, discipline and service”. Especially his thoughts on service are a delight to read. First of all David makes the difference that within BDSM, there often seems to be a trend that focuses on being used in one way or other. While there is nothing wrong with being used (and can be quite fun and liberating at the same time, being used has more to do with direction and discipline than service.
But with service oriented submission the energies of the submissive are being focused on being useful. And in that there, i think, is a large difference. Within such relationships, the dominant and submissive work together to make the submissive happy and the dominant more relaxed by having the submissive be of use to the dominant. The dominant provides the environment for the submissive to be useful to the needs of the dominant and getting the satisfaction of being useful, doing something worthwhile and making the dominant (and thus by extension the whole relationship and the themselves) function more effectively
Again however to give a little twist to it all (this is me after all, you should expect this), despite me saying that that being used is not at all the same as being useful, service oriented submission does not exclude sexual play. Even within this area, a submissive can either provide a service to their dominants, or the play can be the direct result of having pleased the dominant enough and that play becomes a reward as such. It’s not even unheard of for a submissive to act as a service Top, in case their partner is masochistic (while the prevailing direction of dominant tend to be sadistic, masochist dominants are not unheard of), the submissive can be trained to fulfil this service.
So as the above aptly demonstrates (I hope), Service Orientated Submission is truly a part of BDSM, despite in many case the appearance of the vanilla and mundanes of the actions involved. However it is just up to the persons within the relation to define how they work things between them and to what extend the submissives behaviour is turned to service the dominant and the relationship.
While in the previous paragraphs I have given plenty of examples and ideas for service oriented submission in real life, it is often the tiny little things that actually have the profound impact on the relationship. That show that due care and attention and thought have gone into the provided service.
As for Service oriented submission in Second Life and other online venues, things are often a little bit more complicated. After all, most of the time there is no such thing as dust, and we as avatars do not require coffee or food to keep us sustained through out a day. But that does not mean there are not ways submissives can make themselves of use and useful to a Dominant.
It takes the creativity of a dominant to ensure the submissive faces the same challenges and goals to make them useful. That can be done by research, finding places to go to, suggestions of things to do or actual housework (for which several systems can be found in Second Life). Again this depends as much on the relationship itself as the people involved and communication of your needs and wants are key here.
As for myself?
It is only recently that I have come to see many parts of my relationship with Mistress as being by and large Service Oriented in nature. As I have mentioned before there is the housework that needs doing, but for me there is more to it. There is a whole range of chores, such as making sure our land is kept tidy, the rent is paid. But I also research certain aspects for her and present her with the results. Sometimes that makes her only having to make the decision and saving her a lot of time because I have done the footwork for her and presented her with all the data.
Dealing with questions, comments and writing people on her behalf and reporting back. And of course making her happy in any way I can. There is nothing that gives me a profound sense of happiness that when she tells me how I make her help relax and make things easier for her. If that isn’t worth it, I really don’t know what is.
And of course it nearly never ends just there. I know Mistress enjoys me taking on that role as much as I enjoy fulfilling it and as such she does come up with new and interesting ways often quite taking me by surprise (and fear, trepidation, worry etc *grins*) by what new chore or action she has come up with. But above all, it gives me direction and a framework within I know exactly what is expected from me and what I need to do. And that makes me happy and makes that I get out of the relationship as well as she does.
While doing some background reading and research, I came across the following quote that I wanted to share as to close off this post:
My goal is not to play games, but to get a cup of coffee the way I like it.
–Ebonyfire, literotica forum.
Lex.
[1] – I wholeheartedly agree with G. La Forge when he complained that Wibbly-Wobbly, Timey-Wimey, Spacey-Wacey gave him frightful headaches.
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