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Posts Tagged ‘lifestyle’

It does not make easy writing when you know you are in the dog house. It puts a damper on everything and colours your perception, your mood, your motivation and drive.  But, having to choose between writing and be further in trouble for delaying posting later then a Sunday, I much rather pound out the words, write whatever is on my heart, rather then get myself into even more deeper trouble. One bucket, load, amount, of ire is really more then I can handle at the moment.

A perhaps small word of warning. Normally when I write, I do write by and large in general terms, about topics, about things that I know of, that interest me, or things that I am exploring. Tonight in that sense is going to be a little bit different. Tonight this blog post is going to be deeply and utterly personal. It is something that weights heavily on my mind and has been for the past few days.

As many may have noticed, I written recently about speaking restrictions. Obviously as noted, a topic that is close to my heart and I have written blogs in the past where I have written in the third person, however abandoned that for the time being by writing in the first person. I think that may continue for now, based on discussion that I have had.

However, for those that know me in the virtual world of Second Life, know that for the last few weeks I have switched to a very high protocol form of speaking, a rather more restricted form of the common third person speak as is often seen. There are reasons for that, I am sure all of you can guess these.

The problem with that, that this is much harder for me, rather then just speaking in the the third person. I am endeavouring and doing my best not to screw up but, it seems every so often, or even so very often, I make a total mess of it and screw up beyond my palest dreams. It sucks, it really does. I know part of why it happens, what causes it. I am not sure how I can stop it, bar fighting my own mind and conditioning it and training it to work with me, rather then against me.

When I write, write like I do now, I don’t even look at my screen. I can even type all of this with my eyes closed. In that way, it is almost like my mind is passing a stream of consciousness straight  from my fingers, straight through my keyboard. In a way by passing any realistic mental filters. This of course translates into Second Life where my mind is my mouth in so many ways.

I am not saying this is at all right, but I am just letting my mind doing the thinking and talking. As I have said before; this blog is as much exploration, research and explanation of things. Writing for me is, as often a tool to teach and explain, a tool to help understand myself better.

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It’s been a rather busy week and quite a busy weekend of sorts, although a good weekend of sorts. One that certainly ended on a spectacular high note. Yes it sounds cryptic. I know . Some who will know me better in Second Life will know what I am on about. As I mentioned last week, I promised to write about two topics. Speech restrictions, which I did last week. To my surprise, I had a lot more to write about it (okay, it really should not have been a surprise), then I initially thought, so much instead that I never even got around to writing about mantra’s. Mostly because by the time I largely got done with writing about speech restrictions, I was nearly hitting sixteen hundred words, which by any stretch of the imaginations is a good amount for a weekly blog.

Thus I decided to forego the writing about mantras and save that for this week instead. Though due to circumstances (more about that later) and probably slightly bad planning on my part, I did not get around to actually writing this.

So perhaps a little bit of a day later, and I am pounding out the words. One of the advantages of a train journey is that you can sit down and think exactly what you want to write. I decided early on that I was going to expand on the subject and not just write about mantra’s, although they form an important part of this blog. I was also going to write about conditioning.

Why? Because, I think that they both are quite close related. Of course mantra’s are in a way part of conditioning someone or a set of behaviours. So I will start by delving a little bit into what conditioning is and can do, before switching to the specifics of mantra’s.

So onwards and upwards (downwards, spiralling?)
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It’s been a really interesting and chaotic week at the same time. I haven’t really thought much about blogging. Why? Mostly because real life, in part because of Second Life. It has been a rather interesting, if not emotional and hard week. Lots of new things to learn, lots of new ways to process and dealing with the eventual part of screwing up.

Well perhaps I should not call it screwing up. I make mistake. I am after all human, and learning new patterns, new ways of doing things, means that occasionally you do stumble, some like me, perhaps more then others. But I am slowly getting there and I think I really just need to focus on what I am doing rather then letting my brain run away with emotions and feelings. Easier said then done, but at least learning and recognising where my head is at times is a valuable lessons.

Anyway, while in the future I may write more about that this is not what I want to talk about tonight. Mostly there are a few topics I want to touch on. Those that have real relevance to me at the moment. Sounds mysterious doesn’t it? Maybe it does a little bit, but perhaps all will be revealed in time. While each of the topics involved may be fleshed out in a later blog, more in depth, this will be a start to explore my thoughts about this:

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It has been more then anything else quite a busy week. All I can say is that thank god it was only four days. It was busy enough that the fourth day i must have gotten through purely on character, that and well having something to look forward to on Friday. But perhaps more about that later. With the weekend also quite busy, i have sadly neglected by far the need to actually sit down and write a blog.

I has certainly not help that this week I have very much been struggling to find a topic that I can write enough about. So this week it is going to be a mismatch of topics that I want to talk about. Some of these topics I have wanted to write about, some of these were given to me, by people. For that as always I am eternally grateful, well at least until next week!

Writing every week can be quite a struggle. Sometimes real life interferes and if you do as I, and don’t write too much about the reality of it all, but more a lot about BDSM,there are only so many different topics you can touch. Yes I am sure you all can bring arguments to the fore that yes, there are different topics to write about. And yes, you are right – I probably have written less then ten percent of all my blogs about what encompasses all that is BDSM.

The thing is however…,
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Last week I was asked a question, or rather I was the one who asked for a topic, and the answer was posted as a statement; something to think about. This statement was: “A topic I’ve been thinking about lately has been about how familiarity breeds contempt. Is there a benefit in maintaining a formality to a strictly D/s relationship and refining casual banter/restricting such speech…

This lead to this blogpost, which is admittedly a rewording of this topic that I wrote earlier this week, changed and expanded on it in further discussions. I asked and was allowed to share this blog post with you all. So here goes. The idea itself has actually been plaguing on my mind a lot last week, though writing this did help me to gain at least some perspective on the topic. Still the various thoughts and all that kept ruining through my mind all of this week. It does take time occasionally for me to really grasp a topic that I have been asked to think about in depth and realise the implications of them.

The question is: does familiarity breed indeed contempt? To answer that question, research has to start at the beginning. In this case, what does the sentence actually mean, or where does it even come from? The origin of the saying lies in Aesop’s FableThe Fox and the Lion

When first the Fox saw the Lion he was terribly frightened, and ran away and hid himself in the wood. Next time however he came near the King of Beasts he stopped at a safe distance and watched him pass by. The third time they came near one another the Fox went straight up to the Lion and passed the time of day with him, asking him how his family were, and when he should have the pleasure of seeing him again; then turning his tail, he parted from the Lion without much ceremony.

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This blog, has been a while in the making, mostly because of a single sentence that was uttered to this girl during play. As such things go, it did stick in her head, and from that single seed this blog grew. If that was where the seed was planted, then why has this taken so long to come to fruition?

As such things go, they sit around, trying to find the right angle, finding the right words and then a second bit comes and slowly the ideas, the structure starts to take place. As such, sometimes it can take a long time for things to get to that point, sometimes they come instantly.

Of course,  it is always easier to write to direct questions like the last few blogs but sometimes one has to sit down and write properly. As this girl has often mentioned. Writing is often as much sharing what she knows as as well figuring out what she is writing about.

One note is there will be a little bit of a change on this blog. From now on she will actually have a little bit P.S.at the end of the blog; this is where she will be sharing some of her thoughts she had this week, which she has been requested to do. So that will have its own separate header at the end of the blog.

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This girl wanted to write a blog today. Quite a lot later then she should have. But she was reminded rather dutifully this morning that she had not written and this girl wanted to address that situation as soon as possible. Such expressions of people reading her words, should not come as a surprise after

And as this girl wrote last week about talking in the third person, and she had been for most of that time communicating that way, it almost felt normal to write the next post in that way as well. Funny how it somewhat seems to come easier to me,  although it is well known that this girl does not have a problem with taking.

The topic she wanted to continue on today, is on the use of communication, but mostly about the non verbal communication that a submissive can and does employ.

The question being what did brought this as the topic of choice? The most obvious answer would be that this girl is writing onwards from last week’s topic. But that is more serendipity then actual planning on this girls behalf. The truth is, that she made a mistake this morning. Something that she had been called out on, before. This correction of her behaviour is what showed the seed…

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A couple of years ago, I was talking to a dominant in second life, and we seemed to get on. He certainly was nice enough. However after a while, and a few meetings and playing, I stopped seeing him. Why?

The entire notion of what happened came down to one thing really (a few others as well but those were not of such a severity that they couldn’t be overcome): The reason was this; he was definitely too nice.

I know this may sound strange, but it is the reason. When I expressed this thought to friends, some understood, some did not. Trying to explain myself did not entirely work, so perhaps in the peace and quiet while writing I have better success in achieving this.

The first question really is: Do I not like nice people? The answer is: of course I do. I love nice and warm people. I love being cuddled, having my hair played with, and other displays of affection.  Just like any other person, like any human being, I love being treated well, with respect. Being loved is a beautiful privilege.

As I mentioned before, I adore display of affection. Being a submissive my definition of what constitutes this, may perhaps be a bit different from what other (okay, vanilla) people will see as affection. Kneeling in front of someone, being allowed to kiss their feet, a firm grip in my neck, or a hand in the small of my back guiding me, are only but a few of the ways that make me feel cherished and loved.

So, given all of the above, why would I not appreciate someone who is nice to me. This is because I left out an important distinction. I do not like people being nice to me within the context of a BDSM scene.
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Busy, busy, busy. That is pretty much the way it somehow seems to best describe my love as of late. In have not been much in a mood for writing ( yes, the age old dilemma rearing its ugly head once again); not in the least helped by the fact that last weekend I needed to recover much from the weekend before where I sadly needed to work, due to unforeseen circumstances. Luckily I managed to get a few posts written, this one being one of them.

A touch too late but better late then never. And above all I wanted to write. So this post has actually been a couple of weeks in the making and I decided to finish it tonight.

In my blog ‘Trained to Talk‘, (admittedly something that I really enjoyed writing, both in form and in subject, but digressing!),  the lady Gotham left a comment asking the following:

I think that gender plays a role here in that being submissive to a Mistress is very different than being submissive to a Master. I am a Mistress and I have had submissives of both genders respectively; not at the same time. However, it was a very different experience. I preferred the female slave however it’s a delicate balance either way. Can you speak to the gender issue please in terms of the submissive point of view.”

Lady Gotham, on December 25, 2015 at 5:37 pm

I have long pondered this question, and wondered what to exactly say about this. Perhaps in part as this was not entirely clear in my own mind what the question was. Not at least because the whole gender on submission question, is something that that feels like a much bigger topic then one that I could answer in a single blog post.So why write about it regardless? Mostly, if not completely by the sheer fact that it has been awhile since lady Gotham asked her question. But I promised that in I would write about it, and while my timing is entirely off ( nothing new there, eh) I will keep to my promise.

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Well this is a bit later then expected, and I am struggling even now to get it finished. The last two nights – and really most of the weekend – I have not really been sleeping well. Nothing like it used to be where I am up all night, although with my current sleep schedule it may have just as well been that. This sadly meant that I have neglected my blogging by and large because I have severely lacked the energy.

On the slightly more positive side, after being nagged by friends, I have actually given in and went to see a doctor about my cough. The result is that I am currently on antibiotics, and had an x-ray made to see what is causing it. Time (probably next week at the earliest) will tell what the results are from that.

However I did not want to let this week go by without having written a blog. Something in the last two days have made me think about a third topic and some folks might not find pleasant to hear, but I think it is a subject that perhaps I do need to write about. That subject is on engaging with dominants – especially those with nefarious motives or those that are less willing to listen to negotiation, or frankly are willing to bypass your needs and wants immediately.

However, I am nothing if not stubborn. So I am going to do a little bit of a cop out and publish the second part of the  the next twenty questions that I had planned for a later date. However in the second part there are some questions that I give me pause. I think I have to draw somewhere the line between being honest and at least to some degree preserve a certain amount of decorum.

So let’s see..

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