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Posts Tagged ‘punishment’

Right, blog time. I have less then an hour before I need to get myself in bed. So this is not going to be a huge long and interesting blog to read. Just a few musings that I have had over the few days and just a general stream of conciousness.

Been a a really quiet week, being off on holiday and got most of my projects done, bar a view. But that is okay, those were going to be longer term any way and the rest is in a good place to proceed with. Some of the things I hope that would come to pass, have not, or rather are being delayed. Time will tell whether or not it will be. I know, entirely cryptic. Perhaps in time I can divulge what has taken place.

I had hoped to be allowed to publish a story, albeit a personal one. See, I was asked to write out a fantasy, well the thoughts I had on an orgasm, after an extended period of orgasm denial. However since it has not received permission from the person who requested I wrote it down – I can not in good consciousness post it.

So hopefully that may be posted soon.  But as always, if people are involved in some way, theirs is the say whether or not it does get published. So there may be a case of that this just won’t get published. Time will tell and if it happens you all will see it appear here in due time.
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It does not make easy writing when you know you are in the dog house. It puts a damper on everything and colours your perception, your mood, your motivation and drive.  But, having to choose between writing and be further in trouble for delaying posting later then a Sunday, I much rather pound out the words, write whatever is on my heart, rather then get myself into even more deeper trouble. One bucket, load, amount, of ire is really more then I can handle at the moment.

A perhaps small word of warning. Normally when I write, I do write by and large in general terms, about topics, about things that I know of, that interest me, or things that I am exploring. Tonight in that sense is going to be a little bit different. Tonight this blog post is going to be deeply and utterly personal. It is something that weights heavily on my mind and has been for the past few days.

As many may have noticed, I written recently about speaking restrictions. Obviously as noted, a topic that is close to my heart and I have written blogs in the past where I have written in the third person, however abandoned that for the time being by writing in the first person. I think that may continue for now, based on discussion that I have had.

However, for those that know me in the virtual world of Second Life, know that for the last few weeks I have switched to a very high protocol form of speaking, a rather more restricted form of the common third person speak as is often seen. There are reasons for that, I am sure all of you can guess these.

The problem with that, that this is much harder for me, rather then just speaking in the the third person. I am endeavouring and doing my best not to screw up but, it seems every so often, or even so very often, I make a total mess of it and screw up beyond my palest dreams. It sucks, it really does. I know part of why it happens, what causes it. I am not sure how I can stop it, bar fighting my own mind and conditioning it and training it to work with me, rather then against me.

When I write, write like I do now, I don’t even look at my screen. I can even type all of this with my eyes closed. In that way, it is almost like my mind is passing a stream of consciousness straight  from my fingers, straight through my keyboard. In a way by passing any realistic mental filters. This of course translates into Second Life where my mind is my mouth in so many ways.

I am not saying this is at all right, but I am just letting my mind doing the thinking and talking. As I have said before; this blog is as much exploration, research and explanation of things. Writing for me is, as often a tool to teach and explain, a tool to help understand myself better.

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It’s been a rather busy week and quite a busy weekend of sorts, although a good weekend of sorts. One that certainly ended on a spectacular high note. Yes it sounds cryptic. I know . Some who will know me better in Second Life will know what I am on about. As I mentioned last week, I promised to write about two topics. Speech restrictions, which I did last week. To my surprise, I had a lot more to write about it (okay, it really should not have been a surprise), then I initially thought, so much instead that I never even got around to writing about mantra’s. Mostly because by the time I largely got done with writing about speech restrictions, I was nearly hitting sixteen hundred words, which by any stretch of the imaginations is a good amount for a weekly blog.

Thus I decided to forego the writing about mantras and save that for this week instead. Though due to circumstances (more about that later) and probably slightly bad planning on my part, I did not get around to actually writing this.

So perhaps a little bit of a day later, and I am pounding out the words. One of the advantages of a train journey is that you can sit down and think exactly what you want to write. I decided early on that I was going to expand on the subject and not just write about mantra’s, although they form an important part of this blog. I was also going to write about conditioning.

Why? Because, I think that they both are quite close related. Of course mantra’s are in a way part of conditioning someone or a set of behaviours. So I will start by delving a little bit into what conditioning is and can do, before switching to the specifics of mantra’s.

So onwards and upwards (downwards, spiralling?)
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Well, all good plans and all that are always going amiss. I was planning to actually write a story this weekend. Well for that I first needed permission. See I believe that if you are writing about persons, or at least if you write a story where a person is involved in or based upon, whether this is a true thing, or a fantasy, you need to ask them permission. It is the right thing to do. The closer you are, the more this is an ethical thing to do in writing.

Sure, sure, you can just go the general route, make up some names, change a few things and include the almighty “all persons fiction disclaimer” disclaimer, then again, while it may be safe, I think in this case it would largely be a cop-out. Especially as it is based on someone whom I interact with quite a bit these days.

So where is that story then? Well, as I said, good plans and all that: I started writing and half way through the writing I felt that I needed to set up a structure. What I had in my mind to paper so to speak, how the events were going to unfold more or less (yes, call it a god complex, which writer does not have it).  So after setting that out and dividing the various scenes, chapters and acts, or however you want to call them, I started to get to work on writing things and let my characters tell their story.

Turns out they had a lot more to tell then I thought. Who would have think that my characters are as talkative as me. So after writing a good sixteen hundred words, I finished writing the first act, I looked at the time. See, I had given myself until eight o’clock this evening to get the story finished. Clearly with the length and the events that need to take place, that is never going to happen. Sadly this is the truth of the matter, that I need to recognise my limitation in this.

 

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Another week gone and I am not closer to moving in real life then I was a week ago and it is starting to frustrate me to the extreme. I hate sitting around empty shelves, all my books in boxes, and shelves staring at me blank and empty. Hopefully sooner than later this will actually happen. All I can do is try not to let it influence me to much.

Otherwise this week has been pretty quiet all in all together. Highlights of course was the time I got to spend with Mistress and doing a little bit more shopping. Oh and spend lying tied up on the bed. What can I say, I am happy and spoilt girl.

I also have discovered the fun side of gaming again this week, and have been playing a lot. Mostly because I have discovered Steam (okay, yes I am a bit slow) and have had some good times playing games with others. It made me be a little bit less in Second Life then I am usually have been.

Of course, I will never forget that my tasks in Second Life takes precedence over the rest and I always make sure I do them before switching over to windows to play games. I can’t wait until more games are being released under Linux and game companies will see it as a viable source of development. We can only hope.

But this blog tonight is not about my trial and tribulations (yes, such a heavy life I lead). This  blog is, as I mentioned last week, about punishment. A topic I have written more then once about.

To re-cap: last week I wrote about testing of a dominant, and also of any partner in a relationship. In the introduction of that blog I mention that people would test dominants to get them to punish them. As I much highlighted in my previous blog, I am against the notion of people using punishment as a way to get attention, I am even more against the idea of pushing a dominant to the point that they feel that punishment is what you get.

I think however, we should not rush ahead of ourselves and start at the beginning. I promise I will return to that part of the blog a bit later on.
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After the few last weeks, this week we are kicking off with a fresh new blog, or rather and more accurately, starting off with a new topic. While last week it looked liked initially that I was not able to get it once again all done, I ever surprised myself by actually writing a lot more then I think was possible and managed to get it all into one blog. Needless to say I was pretty happy about that.

So for the last week I have been racking my brain about what to write and while I had several topics lined up, neither actually grabbed my fancy. The problem I noticed that for some ideas (I do tend to be more strict with myself these days, about writing them down as soon as the idea hits me) while writing down what I wanted the topic to be about, I never wrote down how I got to the idea and what my initials thoughts was. That is something that I need to rectify over the coming year. Because after several weeks; just a single word as a topic may just not be enough to jump start the memory of something that happened in a fleeting moment.

So as I am known to do, I asked people around if they had any ideas about what to write about. And the topic of this blog comes by the suggestion of Miss Liandra Hellershanks, who suggested I wrote about the the difficulties of punishing someone within a D/s context when punishments can turn out to be rewards.

The question intrigued me on various levels. As the more faithful readers of my blog may know I have talked several times prior about punishment. While I find the topic very fascinating and have several good conversations with friends and acquaintances on the topic.

I have never really understood where my own fascinations with his topic stems from. I am certainly not, as some may have suggested in the far past, a glutton for punishment, nor is it something that I deeply enjoy when the situation calls for it. But I will fully and freely admit that punishment is not only an effective but also a much needed tool in a relationship.

So let’s us have a look at what the best course of action is to take when punishment does not seem to have the desired effect on the submissive, but in fact quite the opposite:

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Right then. Let’s get this blog on the road. I was planning to actually write pretty much ahead of time. And with that I meant write it Thursday or Friday. The weekend ahead (and by time of this writing) is promising and thus shaping up to be quite a busy one. And of course a thousand and one other things meant as per usual the road that is so full of good intentions quickly became proverbially paved.

So after  thinking about what I wanted to write I only came up with two subjects. Neither of them kink related. And since most people state side have not seen the new Doctor Who, despite mentioning it last week I am not going to talk about it because of spoilers.

And thus a new topic was needed. And since free-styling it, with the dropping of the doctor is a bit out of the question, I had the choice about writing my latest game, Assassin’s Creed IV, not entirely sure everyone is ready and wanting to hear that. And just general waffling a couple of pages all together.

I felt that would not do, so sat down and thought about a topic. And then while browsing submissive prompts, it came to me. I wanted to write about rules and regulations within a D/s relationship. Most people are aware that I already have written about this a couple of times prior.

For tonight, I wanted to try and alter my angle on it slightly and write more from my own point of view. So let’s have a start and see where we can get to:

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