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I will write,

Yes, I am late in posting. Nothing new there. At least I am trying to get another blogpost out this time. Maybe a bit later then the Sunday or Saturday that I was planning but there are mitigating circumstances, at least there are in my head. Two things really that made life a royal pain in the backside. One work was very hectic and chaotic all day on Friday. Talk about hitting the ground running and not really stopping until I got home. It took me a long time to get over that day. But … it is past me now and  I have a week off. Yay, go me. :3

Secondly, as many probably have heard me bitch about, my heating is on the blink. Or rather, not as much my heating, my boiler. Which means I am currently left without any kind of warm water or the aforementioned heating. A bit of a palaver. The only way I have been able to mostly counter this is by heating my living room with candles. Each night I had about 5 large candles and dozens of tea lights lying around. Very atmospheric. I do need to make sure that I regularly re-air the room. That much candles can not be overly healthy. Thank god it is supposed to get warmer by the end of this week. Plus as I said I am on holiday, this does make the stress of getting ready for work at the moment a little bit less.

Anyway, I am sure you do not want to hear me wither on about the tragedies in my life. On the plus side, I have found a potential new writing tool. I got told recently about Scrivener, a tool that apparently is used a lot by academic to write their thesis. I am always looking out for things that can aid and assist me. So I looked for Scrivener and see whether they actually are useful. It certainly seems to be full of possibilities and I am do like the fact that they offer a typewriter mode. Having used that in Jotterpad a lot, it is something I love using. Mostly because that really does not distract me from anything else.

The downside so far? The linux version that I am using will no longer be developed by Scrivener. Mostly because they choose to work on the windows and mac platform instead. That is something that I really not like. But there is also very little I can do about this. Admittedly I also wished that the typewriter mode would contain an option to actually pale the next that you are not writing. Stick to the current paragraph. I have found that this enables me to be a lot more productive and not be distracted. A bit zen perhaps about staying in the here and now of what I am writing. Rather then letting me distracted about what is in the past. But all in all it does seem to be a very versatile editor. It may be worth for me to eventually switch away from the likes of Abiword or LibreOffice (With abiword being my go to writing. As I said, time will tell.
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So, yes, it’s been very quiet on my blog. It seems the writing had gotten a bit in a rut over the last month plus. Whether this is a good thing or not, I don’t know. I love to say that soon I will return to regular blogging, however I loathe to make claims I would be unwilling to keep.

Likewise, the saying that the thought about writing is never far from my mind, would at best be a half truth. In part it is true. Bit thinking about writing only gets you so far. Doing it is the real test. And it is a test that I perhaps with shocking regularity seem to fail.

On the other hand, writing in many ways has become a chore. Something that had to be done, rather something that I wanted to do. Whether that is because I was ordered, because I had things to share, is perhaps a lesser concern then the fact that I enjoyed doing it.

Maybe not the struggle, but certainly the finished product. The efforts of my labour. However that has become less and less over the last year and a half. The new job (if you can talk about new, still) is challenging, and the longer commute certainly drain my energy.

To spend several hours agonising about what to write and to write had come to symbolise an expenditure of energy that at times is hard to justify to myself. Sometimes the weekend is just not long enough to waste that energy. Don’t get me wrong, I love my current job, and I’m learning more and new things each day.

But something just had to give. And this, my blog had been one of the few. So, where does that leave me? Is this goodbye, shall this place and I fade slowly into that dark night? Why, yes, I have a flair for the dramatic.

To answer that question….
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On not being nice:

A couple of years ago, I was talking to a dominant in second life, and we seemed to get on. He certainly was nice enough. However after a while, and a few meetings and playing, I stopped seeing him. Why?

The entire notion of what happened came down to one thing really (a few others as well but those were not of such a severity that they couldn’t be overcome): The reason was this; he was definitely too nice.

I know this may sound strange, but it is the reason. When I expressed this thought to friends, some understood, some did not. Trying to explain myself did not entirely work, so perhaps in the peace and quiet while writing I have better success in achieving this.

The first question really is: Do I not like nice people? The answer is: of course I do. I love nice and warm people. I love being cuddled, having my hair played with, and other displays of affection.  Just like any other person, like any human being, I love being treated well, with respect. Being loved is a beautiful privilege.

As I mentioned before, I adore display of affection. Being a submissive my definition of what constitutes this, may perhaps be a bit different from what other (okay, vanilla) people will see as affection. Kneeling in front of someone, being allowed to kiss their feet, a firm grip in my neck, or a hand in the small of my back guiding me, are only but a few of the ways that make me feel cherished and loved.

So, given all of the above, why would I not appreciate someone who is nice to me. This is because I left out an important distinction. I do not like people being nice to me within the context of a BDSM scene.
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Busy, busy, busy. That is pretty much the way it somehow seems to best describe my love as of late. In have not been much in a mood for writing ( yes, the age old dilemma rearing its ugly head once again); not in the least helped by the fact that last weekend I needed to recover much from the weekend before where I sadly needed to work, due to unforeseen circumstances. Luckily I managed to get a few posts written, this one being one of them.

A touch too late but better late then never. And above all I wanted to write. So this post has actually been a couple of weeks in the making and I decided to finish it tonight.

In my blog ‘Trained to Talk‘, (admittedly something that I really enjoyed writing, both in form and in subject, but digressing!),  the lady Gotham left a comment asking the following:

I think that gender plays a role here in that being submissive to a Mistress is very different than being submissive to a Master. I am a Mistress and I have had submissives of both genders respectively; not at the same time. However, it was a very different experience. I preferred the female slave however it’s a delicate balance either way. Can you speak to the gender issue please in terms of the submissive point of view.”

Lady Gotham, on December 25, 2015 at 5:37 pm

I have long pondered this question, and wondered what to exactly say about this. Perhaps in part as this was not entirely clear in my own mind what the question was. Not at least because the whole gender on submission question, is something that that feels like a much bigger topic then one that I could answer in a single blog post.So why write about it regardless? Mostly, if not completely by the sheer fact that it has been awhile since lady Gotham asked her question. But I promised that in I would write about it, and while my timing is entirely off ( nothing new there, eh) I will keep to my promise.

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Well well well, it has been a funny old year. But yes it is March again. And this time it has really snug up on me as well. Time does fly.

As many who read my blog will know, this year, was steeped in upheaval. With a new job, losing our house in SL, and me stepping away from my Mistress after she has been gone for over a year from our virtual world. Still no trace.

In the mean time, I have started on answering a question posted by the Lady Gotham, a while back. But a very busy weekend (work, not kink related), meant that I never got any time to sit down and write. Still I wanted to quickly put this post up to announce that, of course, I will be opening my blog and participate in the March blogger challenge.

So what is this all about? Some of you all may know this already. Throughout the blogosphere, March is known as the question and answer month. I have run the March Q&A challenge for the last four years previous as well, so I think we are sticking with this.

So, the rules:

So here’s the deal ….
You ask me a question and I’ll answer them.

So for a whole month long you get to quick-fire,
interrogate, cross examine me to your hearts content.

I’ll end this neatly .. on the 31st of March at midnight UTC.

In return, I promise I will answer all and any question you will ask me. Even if that answer is “none of your business”. And no don’t go asking where I live if you are not prepared for an answer like that or much in line.

Leave your question in my comments,
poke me within Second Life,

or

send me an email at lex (dot) berchot (a-t) googlemail (dot) com.

Hopefully until soon!
Stay safe, ask questions, and have fun!
lexi

musings on writing.

One hour, one blog. How hard can this be. Time to switch on some classical music. and pound the keyboard. I am not sure what to write about tonight. I am still fighting some reluctance about writing. So in this case, I have determined I will write. Whatever my mind is going to come up with and whatever the direction this is going to take in.

For me at the moment, the act of writing itself and getting words on paper is far more important then making sense. Well not entirely, but I hope that you get what I am referring to. To write, to put the effort in, to do it, or in short – here’s your screen, your parchment; now shut up and write.

And yes, as was said last week in reaction to my blog: Write when you want, when you feel you have something to say. I honestly wish that I could. If that would be the case, then i would probably never write. There are always other things that I can find to be doing.

And, writing is something that takes practice and nurturing. It is no surprise that my writing much improved over the time that I was with Mistress. At the same time there is a decline after this much time being left unchecked.  Heck I probably have been writing alone without her reading them since mid 2013 give or take. So by and large, that is not bad going.

It also means, that a lot of my writing, as much as it actually pains me to say, are my own. Yes she, my Mistress, may have given the incentive, even the encouragement to get me to write.  But the lion share of the work, the blood and tears that I have shed in my battle with the words are mine and mine alone. I try to take some pride in that, some solace even perhaps?
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The reluctance on writing

As some may notice it’s been a while since I last wrote. The twenty-sixth of January to be precise. That is a very long time. There are some reasons for it which I will explain in this blog post. This will however not be a long one.

More then anything I am forcing myself to write. Does that sound weird? It does a little bit. After all I am so apt to say that since this is my blog, so therefore my rules. Yet, it is that I find vehemently disagree with myself. Truth to be told – I disagree often enough with everyone else, why should I be of any difference?

Truth is, I do like to write to an extent. Sure, I struggle with it at times, but you know, I am not really ready yet to throw the towel in. The whole once a week thing may have to stop but time will tell on that. It does get harder over time to find something to write about.

Still, yes, I love writing and I love seeing people like my writing. It’s also been nearly four years since I started writing in earnest on this blog. As many may recall, I did have a blog prior to that but I wrote only sporadically on it. In 2009, Mistress, … yes, in my mind she is still my Mistress. I know, I took her collar off, I know she has not been in world for such a very very long time. Nor has she reacted to emails or IM’s on google talk. But, I have mentioned this so many times before.

Yet, yet I can not pull myself away from what I feel. How I feel about her. Is this fair? Fair to whom? To me, to others? I do not know. I know very much that I am not ready to move on perhaps. On the other hand, I may just as well clinging to the remnants, dwelling in the past as they say. I do not know what.  It does not help that I just realised that it is pretty much exactly four years ago (give or take 4 days) since I started blogging.
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