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Posts Tagged ‘tasks’

Hi everyone. The world has been left, right and centre in many, many different ways and as most people have known, it was rather quiet on my blogging front. Nearly a year has passed since I decided that I wanted or need a break from blogging.  A lot of real life stuff took over and as someone said: Write whenever you feel like it, write because you want to, not because you feel you are made to (hah!).

The truth of the matter is, I did just that. I realised that blogging in the first place was taking up a significant portion of my time at that moment and that something in my life had to give. I have always felt very two ways about blogging (well, perhaps three ways even or more. I am nothing but entirely complex). The blog really took off as a something that my then dominant, Miss Tungsten wanted. But after she sadly disappeared out of my life – it became harder and harder to maintain that, even more so once I removed my collar.

On the other hand, I also maintained that this blog was mine and mine alone, and all done by my hand. This is, and remains as always true. So both statements are in fact a truth (if nothing else from a certain point of view), if not somewhat in contradictory with each other. However, it does and remains my blog, and yes while it was Miss Tungsten that made me write, it also is my thoughts and actions that does it, but the motivation of trying to please her was always there. Even when she was no longer with me. I know, I know my mind has a tendency to cling to things way after they should have come to pass.

So, you might thus wonder, what made this break my self imposed silence? Well, as I sort of alluded to, things have been changing a little bit, or a lot, depending on your view. It is been a long time since Miss Tungsten left my side, and it took me a very long time to get over this and past that. With that being said, I think by and large I am slowly starting to come out of my rut a little bit. I know there are those among you who have been watching me (hi there!), with a certain, perhaps trepidation and weariness whether the steps I am taking are the right ones. I know they are doing this only because they care and worry about me. Much as I have done so for countless other people in the past; holding their hands as they make tentative steps out in to the light again.

One of them asked me, if I would consider writing a blog, or a personal essay, regarding my experiences the last view months on what I have experienced. Being a submissive that has come out of a prolonged relationship, especially a deeper D/s relationship; what anxieties and pitfalls can you encounter, both internally and externally when starting to dip your toes back into the murky waters of dating new potential dominant partners.

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Well, all good plans and all that are always going amiss. I was planning to actually write a story this weekend. Well for that I first needed permission. See I believe that if you are writing about persons, or at least if you write a story where a person is involved in or based upon, whether this is a true thing, or a fantasy, you need to ask them permission. It is the right thing to do. The closer you are, the more this is an ethical thing to do in writing.

Sure, sure, you can just go the general route, make up some names, change a few things and include the almighty “all persons fiction disclaimer” disclaimer, then again, while it may be safe, I think in this case it would largely be a cop-out. Especially as it is based on someone whom I interact with quite a bit these days.

So where is that story then? Well, as I said, good plans and all that: I started writing and half way through the writing I felt that I needed to set up a structure. What I had in my mind to paper so to speak, how the events were going to unfold more or less (yes, call it a god complex, which writer does not have it).  So after setting that out and dividing the various scenes, chapters and acts, or however you want to call them, I started to get to work on writing things and let my characters tell their story.

Turns out they had a lot more to tell then I thought. Who would have think that my characters are as talkative as me. So after writing a good sixteen hundred words, I finished writing the first act, I looked at the time. See, I had given myself until eight o’clock this evening to get the story finished. Clearly with the length and the events that need to take place, that is never going to happen. Sadly this is the truth of the matter, that I need to recognise my limitation in this.

 

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A week down the road and the March Blogger Q&A has officially come to an end. I thank you all for those who have participated and asked me questions, whether that was through Second Life, through e-mail, or in the comments sections. Admittedly, I am more then a little surprised that compared to other blogs, the amount of personal questions so far have been minimal, or perhaps better phrased down-right absent. But who knows in the coming years they will come.

As promised this week, I am to write about tasks and how one can successfully apply tasks into a BDSM relationship. It’s not the first time I have written about tasks (see my blogs “Setting tasks within relationships“, “More about setting tasks in d/s relationships“, and “About setting tasks“). Needless to say, it seems that tasks is both a subject that remains to fascinate people and baffle them at the same time. Perhaps baffle is the wrong word to choose here. I think more than anything that people struggle coming up with tasks that are useful for a submissive and look for information and inspiration.

Not to mention that these blogs keep scoring consistently high across the board. Although saying that. I just have had a look at my stats. Just in, the all time highest search term for my blog with a total of 2,832 hits, is actually “butts“. You people have a seriously unhealthy fascination with my butt. All I can say: stay classy Internet, well played.

It is perhaps then with no great surprise that two of the question I have received for the March Blogger Q&A dealt with tasks and thus, as promised these will be the last one that I am going to answer.

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As promised I would write more this week about tasks. I was going to write about both tasks and rules last week but the entire weekend turned to be a bit too much and I decided to nicely split them. I hope at least you enjoyed the part I written about rules.

Now tasks is always a interesting one and it seems from looking at my statistics (you have to got to love statistics), it seems to be one of the more popular topics on my blog. So I decided to revisit the topic in the form of several questions I found while pursuing ideas for my blog last week.

And of course rather than an overview of how tasks should be deployed I am going to answer these questions to give you an insight in my relationship and how these tasks help me and my Mistress in doing that what we do.

The biggest question perhaps that may need to be answered is: “what is it, that attracts people about tasks, why are tasks even necessary in a D/s relationship, or are they even
necessary?

Of course it is will not come to any ones surprise that I think that that the question to the latter question will be rather confirming that I think they are needed. However to the why exactly, please read on: (more…)

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It’s been a while since I have written about the use of tasks with in BDSM relationships. Actually in reviewing what I written last time or rather when I had last written about this subject. And it turns out that this is exactly a year ago, give or take a day. But such is the nature of the actual year. So a year onwards, and here we go again…

In a discussion that I was partial overhearing this weekend, the talk came about controlling a submissive “remotely”. What did they mean by remotely. They did mean expecting a submissive to follow orders given in Real Life when they are given over a digital medium in this case (surprisingly) the world of Second Life. Speaking for myself, I personally do not like the term remote, mostly because it implies a certain distance between the dominant and the submissive, even though I do understand that this is a distance in the physical rather than the emotional sense.

So in the this blog I want to look once again at the various structures that can be placed within existing on-line BDSM relationship to make at least a partial step into reality that is the world of BDSM. I will try to give various examples if and where possible but by all means this blog is in general intended to be a higher level overview of the possibilities of what is possible and what is involved. Plus all examples and such given are of course from within my own frame of reference and may or may not be applicable to your own situation
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Tonight, while once again, I was lacking more or less direction of what to write. I actually have some ideas on file, but as usual they do require a certain measure of research into the subject. And with being short changed on time this week, research is one of the things that sadly (and perhaps wrongly) slipped. But such is the nature of the beast.

So here I was sitting in my office and pondering what to write about and as usual there are three sort of options available for me at such a time: a) as always I can go back to writing more in the saga (said she modestly) that is “Self Control“, but I have not found a way forward with this yet.  b) Freestyle it c) find some other solution, usually in the way of some prompting or meme post.

And C, tonight is the choice for this blog. However instead of some meme I decided to visit the submissive prompts website and look if I could find some suitable topics to write about. Perhaps one, perhaps two or more, depending quite how the mood takes me. The topic so far covered in this blog-post will be:

(I hope the links work, wordpress.com seems to have a habit of deleting the <a id=””> tags on random,)
(i do apologise)

So, yes those are a very wild varied amount of topics, perhaps all of them worthy of their own blog-post in the future, but for now I shall start with answering them as best as I can:

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Within D/s relationship it is not entirely unheard of for the dominant to set various tasks (or chores) for the submissive. These tasks can range over a wide area of activities. From domestic chores to sexual ones to tasks designed to enhance the submissive service or their well-being, either physical or mental.

There are two different tasks in my opinion (not to be confused with the various actual tasks themselves); repeating and non repeating. The non repeating task could be something as a “write an essay exploring the need for sensory deprivation in all its facets.” This would enable the submissive to pour all her thoughts into something that can be used further on to the relationship.

A repeating task, well to keep it close to home; “write a blog every week.” But also housework, would fall under the repeating tasks that can be set by a dominant. The advantage of a repeating task would be that it gives the submissive structure, and enables them to plan ahead. They know what is expected of them and what is coming when.

While there are many reasons for a dominant to set tasks for their submissive but basically it boils down to two reasons: The first and foremost is: Because they want it. Reason number two: See reason number one. While this sounds rather funny, perhaps even flippant, let’s have a closer look.

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