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Posts Tagged ‘discipline’

Right, blog time. I have less then an hour before I need to get myself in bed. So this is not going to be a huge long and interesting blog to read. Just a few musings that I have had over the few days and just a general stream of conciousness.

Been a a really quiet week, being off on holiday and got most of my projects done, bar a view. But that is okay, those were going to be longer term any way and the rest is in a good place to proceed with. Some of the things I hope that would come to pass, have not, or rather are being delayed. Time will tell whether or not it will be. I know, entirely cryptic. Perhaps in time I can divulge what has taken place.

I had hoped to be allowed to publish a story, albeit a personal one. See, I was asked to write out a fantasy, well the thoughts I had on an orgasm, after an extended period of orgasm denial. However since it has not received permission from the person who requested I wrote it down – I can not in good consciousness post it.

So hopefully that may be posted soon.  But as always, if people are involved in some way, theirs is the say whether or not it does get published. So there may be a case of that this just won’t get published. Time will tell and if it happens you all will see it appear here in due time.
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It does not make easy writing when you know you are in the dog house. It puts a damper on everything and colours your perception, your mood, your motivation and drive.  But, having to choose between writing and be further in trouble for delaying posting later then a Sunday, I much rather pound out the words, write whatever is on my heart, rather then get myself into even more deeper trouble. One bucket, load, amount, of ire is really more then I can handle at the moment.

A perhaps small word of warning. Normally when I write, I do write by and large in general terms, about topics, about things that I know of, that interest me, or things that I am exploring. Tonight in that sense is going to be a little bit different. Tonight this blog post is going to be deeply and utterly personal. It is something that weights heavily on my mind and has been for the past few days.

As many may have noticed, I written recently about speaking restrictions. Obviously as noted, a topic that is close to my heart and I have written blogs in the past where I have written in the third person, however abandoned that for the time being by writing in the first person. I think that may continue for now, based on discussion that I have had.

However, for those that know me in the virtual world of Second Life, know that for the last few weeks I have switched to a very high protocol form of speaking, a rather more restricted form of the common third person speak as is often seen. There are reasons for that, I am sure all of you can guess these.

The problem with that, that this is much harder for me, rather then just speaking in the the third person. I am endeavouring and doing my best not to screw up but, it seems every so often, or even so very often, I make a total mess of it and screw up beyond my palest dreams. It sucks, it really does. I know part of why it happens, what causes it. I am not sure how I can stop it, bar fighting my own mind and conditioning it and training it to work with me, rather then against me.

When I write, write like I do now, I don’t even look at my screen. I can even type all of this with my eyes closed. In that way, it is almost like my mind is passing a stream of consciousness straight  from my fingers, straight through my keyboard. In a way by passing any realistic mental filters. This of course translates into Second Life where my mind is my mouth in so many ways.

I am not saying this is at all right, but I am just letting my mind doing the thinking and talking. As I have said before; this blog is as much exploration, research and explanation of things. Writing for me is, as often a tool to teach and explain, a tool to help understand myself better.

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It’s been a really interesting and chaotic week at the same time. I haven’t really thought much about blogging. Why? Mostly because real life, in part because of Second Life. It has been a rather interesting, if not emotional and hard week. Lots of new things to learn, lots of new ways to process and dealing with the eventual part of screwing up.

Well perhaps I should not call it screwing up. I make mistake. I am after all human, and learning new patterns, new ways of doing things, means that occasionally you do stumble, some like me, perhaps more then others. But I am slowly getting there and I think I really just need to focus on what I am doing rather then letting my brain run away with emotions and feelings. Easier said then done, but at least learning and recognising where my head is at times is a valuable lessons.

Anyway, while in the future I may write more about that this is not what I want to talk about tonight. Mostly there are a few topics I want to touch on. Those that have real relevance to me at the moment. Sounds mysterious doesn’t it? Maybe it does a little bit, but perhaps all will be revealed in time. While each of the topics involved may be fleshed out in a later blog, more in depth, this will be a start to explore my thoughts about this:

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Last week I was asked a question, or rather I was the one who asked for a topic, and the answer was posted as a statement; something to think about. This statement was: “A topic I’ve been thinking about lately has been about how familiarity breeds contempt. Is there a benefit in maintaining a formality to a strictly D/s relationship and refining casual banter/restricting such speech…

This lead to this blogpost, which is admittedly a rewording of this topic that I wrote earlier this week, changed and expanded on it in further discussions. I asked and was allowed to share this blog post with you all. So here goes. The idea itself has actually been plaguing on my mind a lot last week, though writing this did help me to gain at least some perspective on the topic. Still the various thoughts and all that kept ruining through my mind all of this week. It does take time occasionally for me to really grasp a topic that I have been asked to think about in depth and realise the implications of them.

The question is: does familiarity breed indeed contempt? To answer that question, research has to start at the beginning. In this case, what does the sentence actually mean, or where does it even come from? The origin of the saying lies in Aesop’s FableThe Fox and the Lion

When first the Fox saw the Lion he was terribly frightened, and ran away and hid himself in the wood. Next time however he came near the King of Beasts he stopped at a safe distance and watched him pass by. The third time they came near one another the Fox went straight up to the Lion and passed the time of day with him, asking him how his family were, and when he should have the pleasure of seeing him again; then turning his tail, he parted from the Lion without much ceremony.

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This blog, has been a while in the making, mostly because of a single sentence that was uttered to this girl during play. As such things go, it did stick in her head, and from that single seed this blog grew. If that was where the seed was planted, then why has this taken so long to come to fruition?

As such things go, they sit around, trying to find the right angle, finding the right words and then a second bit comes and slowly the ideas, the structure starts to take place. As such, sometimes it can take a long time for things to get to that point, sometimes they come instantly.

Of course,  it is always easier to write to direct questions like the last few blogs but sometimes one has to sit down and write properly. As this girl has often mentioned. Writing is often as much sharing what she knows as as well figuring out what she is writing about.

One note is there will be a little bit of a change on this blog. From now on she will actually have a little bit P.S.at the end of the blog; this is where she will be sharing some of her thoughts she had this week, which she has been requested to do. So that will have its own separate header at the end of the blog.

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There are so many things I would like to write about, that my mind is almost positively overflowing with ideas or at least with things I want to write about. There is an answer that I want to pen down at some time in response to Miss Anne’s blog who wrote a blog with five question a prospective dominant could ask of a submissive. I have the blog marked in my RSS reader, so I will definately come around to that at some point.

Then there is still the promised blogs on the consequences of saying yes or no too eagerly and too ready, a follow up blog on the rights of submissives. Which is going to be an interesting one to write but it also requires me to have a bit more creative energy to contemplate and our my heart into it.

And last but not least there is the blog I want to write to Second Life restraints. It will serve as a good introduction for those new into this world and hopefully at some time a good way to hold a discussion on this subject. And while that is an relative easy in writing, I still need to have the time to sit down and do it because it will be no doubt a lengthy one. Possibly rivalling my longest blog (which features at three thousand eight-hundred words).

Tonight however, I think I am not going to write about these. I know! I know! I keep promising them and I keep putting them off. I am really sorry but life is just sometimes like that and I promise you that I will get around to them, one day, sooner or later (okay, granted, possibly later). But …

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Good evening folks. It is of course, Saturday night and that means writing. Today’s topic will be a myriad (or is it a plethora)of questions that I came across. I have a received a few helpful suggestions of writing topics that I can explore at some later point.

Including in these topics is the difference between dominants that rely heavily on protocol (something I tend to gravitate towards heavily) and dominants that prefer a more relaxed but sensual approach to their craft. Thank you Miss Carley Noonan for suggesting this topic! Another topic that I have decided that needed some attention was the topic on apologies. Sorry sometimes seems to be hardest word, as the lyrics go, but there are plenty of occasions where the word is muttered to easy. I want to look at what constitute a good apology and how you can go about formulating and making it meaningful.

In other exiting news, I have reached my 8th rez day in Second Life. For those not aware of the term; a rez-day, much like a cake-day (as used by sites like reddit and imgur) is the day that you signed up for the online world of Second Life. Basically your digital birthday. So this means I have spend the last eight years in a digital world and made some wonderful friends, met my beloved and wonderful owner and Mistress.

So many things have changed on a platform such as this. From the invention of RLV, the bondage scene and toys that come with it, to mesh; from clothing to body parts. It makes you wonder when a platform such as Second Life would rival graphics to a level that we would expect of modern games. Imagine the graphics of a setting such as the last instalment of Assassin’s Creed (but without the horrible texture bugs, hah!). I am curious to see where the world is going to and what kind of developments we will see over the coming years and to what extend the world and its supporting platform can be pushed.

When I was doing some quick research this evening to find something to write about, I came across the following question. “When you hesitate to write something, what reminder can you give yourself to be as completely honest as you can, both factually and emotionally?”

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