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Posts Tagged ‘isolation’

Good evening folks. It is of course, Saturday night and that means writing. Today’s topic will be a myriad (or is it a plethora)of questions that I came across. I have a received a few helpful suggestions of writing topics that I can explore at some later point.

Including in these topics is the difference between dominants that rely heavily on protocol (something I tend to gravitate towards heavily) and dominants that prefer a more relaxed but sensual approach to their craft. Thank you Miss Carley Noonan for suggesting this topic! Another topic that I have decided that needed some attention was the topic on apologies. Sorry sometimes seems to be hardest word, as the lyrics go, but there are plenty of occasions where the word is muttered to easy. I want to look at what constitute a good apology and how you can go about formulating and making it meaningful.

In other exiting news, I have reached my 8th rez day in Second Life. For those not aware of the term; a rez-day, much like a cake-day (as used by sites like reddit and imgur) is the day that you signed up for the online world of Second Life. Basically your digital birthday. So this means I have spend the last eight years in a digital world and made some wonderful friends, met my beloved and wonderful owner and Mistress.

So many things have changed on a platform such as this. From the invention of RLV, the bondage scene and toys that come with it, to mesh; from clothing to body parts. It makes you wonder when a platform such as Second Life would rival graphics to a level that we would expect of modern games. Imagine the graphics of a setting such as the last instalment of Assassin’s Creed (but without the horrible texture bugs, hah!). I am curious to see where the world is going to and what kind of developments we will see over the coming years and to what extend the world and its supporting platform can be pushed.

When I was doing some quick research this evening to find something to write about, I came across the following question. “When you hesitate to write something, what reminder can you give yourself to be as completely honest as you can, both factually and emotionally?”

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Last week I started to write about dehumanisation, as a possible path that can lead to submission and what the different ins and outs that are associated with this variant of play, or perhaps variant of living is. However I soon figured I had perhaps bitten off much more then I can chew in one blog post over one night. At least not unless I was planning to do a face-plant on keyboard in the middle of my writing and then waking up in the morning with keys stamped all over my face and not a single letter published. Plus I reached a natural ending at that point and having started up another subject would have meant that I would have to cut it off in the middle of writing.

To quickly recap last week, I dealt in the first place with the definitions as I am known to do so that everyone knows what I am talking about. Dehumanisation can be described as:  “depriving an individual of human qualities, rights, and privileges“, where depersonalisation is “characterised by the loss of identity and feelings of unreality and strangeness about one’s own behaviour” and lastly objectification which is “treating a person merely as an instrument for the sake of one owns pleasure without regard for personality, dignity or capabilities.

So this week i am going to see again how far I am going to get and if time and words again prove to be the limiting factor, then I may actually post a third blog, finishing with the last of my ideas on this topic. This week I will however start with writing about why dehumanisation and depersonalisation are so popular in bdsm and what some of the techniques and tools are that can be used or are used

And with that let’s us dive headlong in the topic.
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Sometimes when writing you are struggling to grasp a topic. You are working through your options, look here and there and trying to figure out where you want to go and where you need to go. It’s something I have described as “the terror of the blank page”. It just sits there the cursor blinking at you in the corner as if to say “well, what are you waiting for…”

Your eyes catch the blinking, knowing that at some points the words should be drawn out from there to appear on the screen before you, page after page (well at least three pages long) and your words flow like prose should flow, and …. the truth of that moment is, it never comes. This is always my fear that at that moment in time, the words just utterly completely fail me.

Of course in contrast, there are those wonderful moments that everything does fall into place and the words take off on their own and you hammer them out with the rhythmic beat that would not be without merit as the soundtrack to the mechanical workings of Victorian industrial revolution or an army marching drill.

I have always found, and I am sure that many writers and bloggers will agree with me, that writing when someone asks you to write about a certain topic is always easier then when you have to come up with a subject on your own. So today, as I am always prone todo, I decided to poke around various sims in Second Life, asking people if they have a topic about which they like to read, so that I can research it and write it.

Today, such a topic was handed by a dear friend of mine, Miss Ash Yheng, who after some discussion came to the topic of “Dehumanisation, as a path to submission“. Now considering that dehumanisation to an extend has been an interest of me, I decided that it was an interesting challenge for me to write about.
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Tonight’s blog is dealing with bondage, and by and large aimed at the virtual world of second Life. I am not going to even pretend I do not like being tied up or other exclamations of fake innocence in this regard. Yes, you all know I love to get tied up and that I revel in the feeling and loss of control.

This is however not a feeling that is solely restricted (see what I did there?) to the virtual world however. I enjoy bondage in real life just as much. And it is because of this love of bondage in both worlds that I am destined to draw parallels between the two in terms of ability and restriction, where I can or perhaps where applicable.

Yes I am aware that there are things in one world that can not be replicated in the real world or vice versa. If only things were so simple. Who would not be able to kneel on their knees for hours at a time, be tied up in the most stringent of positions for long periods of time without being able to move a muscle and without any after effects.

Thus we can safely conclude that no two worlds are the same and that in real life we should be aware of these risks and act on our kink in a consensual knowledgeable manner. However just because things are not the same, does not mean we can apply a degree of reason and reality to our play in the virtual world, can we?

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Last week while I was looking for some prompts to write my blog, I came across the following entry along with some follow up questions. Reading over them I thought that answering these would mean to dive possibly deeper in a topic then I could do it justice in one evening.

So, what are these questions? The question in themselves have a lot to do with self identity and the the usage of self within a bdsm relationship. We all know that BDSM and especially D/s relationships (yes, there is some biased there) can be quite intense. This intensity can lead to feelings over being overwhelmed and the self making place for, I suppose a more shared personality as it where where ideas and notions are shared alongside your dominant.

So the questions for this week are as such: In the beginning of your relationship, did you ever wonder if you would lose your sense of self somehow in your slavery? Has that proven to be the case? Is that still a question for you?

And also the following questions that are closely related, but not necessarily to the start of any BDSM relationship:

  • Do you ever fear of losing your own identity or sense of self within your service?
  • Do you welcome the idea of losing your sense of self or identity?
  • Do you believe it is possible -for you- to do so?
  • Do you believe it would be (or that it is) healthy -for you- to do so

So let’s have a look, shall we? (more…)

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So, as always, I tend to pick up inspiration about things to write, when people in Second Life tend to talk about things. One of these subjects that was talked about this week was the usage of RLV restrictions or rather why a particular set of restriction was not useful. This lead me to the topic of this week: RLV restrictions and how to apply them.

So this post is going to be strictly about the world of Second Life, and the use of BDSM with in that and pretty much geared towards bondage. I thought it would make a nice change from the otherwise general BDSM advice (or there abouts) that I tend to write about. That is when I am not writing creatively or rambling freestyle.

The biggest problem I have with writing about this subject is that I am pretty much in two minds about this subject. On the one hand I can see to make certain restrictions have certain consequences about the interaction in world, but on the other hand; as a submissive (and especially one who very much love to be bound) my pleasure derives from doing dominant expects of me. And if my dominant decide to apply restrictions in a lesser or more restrictive format, I am not one to complain or tell that they are doing it wrong. I really have more sense than that. Honestly, really. Fer realz.

(And okay, I may just love it … but that is a discussion entirely best suited for another time)

So what is so interesting about RLV restrictions?
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Five weeks passed Saturday. After a week which was both interesting and hard.

Tuesday evening Vanni had her “Hot under the Collar” event. Mistress and I happily could attend. While we were somewhat fashionably late it was fun to “see” other people for a bit. Although I noticed how quick emotions play up when being isolated. As simple as just clicking onto something became a major chore.Still I managed all in all, with a lot of Mistress help.

The rest of the week I spend between our dungeon and home. and it was hard going at times. I was definitely missing my friends and struggling with being so restrained.

But last night, Mistress decided that after five weeks, over a 180, a-hundred hours, locked up and incommunicado, as they say, that for now it was enough. She removed my bondage and all restraints and restrictions.

So what are my records now? Or rather how long have I been locked away from everything ?

Steel Shackle (RA) after 181 hours 12 minutes 30 secs
Steel Shackle (RW) after 180 hours 57 minutes 50 secs
RR Scarf blindfold after 188 hours 26 minutes 40 secs
RR Ballgag after 184 hours 31 minutes 10 secs

So I am for the time being free and able to come and see people and talk to those that have tried to IM me or send me note cards. I look forward to catching up with everyone and just wandering around the grid causing mayhem and chaos.

And yet, still a small part of me, regrets being free. Guess that’s the “insane” part of me, the need for that feeling of total loss of control in many ways. But for now, I am will get back to my normal self and be alive ..

I am sure that at some point I’ll end up being tied up.

xx
lexi

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Well, it’s official. I now have spend 4 weeks locked up in almost complete isolation from the world. The only contact I have had is a day and a half break and could actually talk to people. But as things go, you get used to the silence and not talking. Communicating after being locked away after an extended and intense period of time, is something that takes (strangely enough) some getting used to.

A couple of nights ago (I think this was Wednesday or Thursday), Mistress decided to take me out for a little bit of fresh “air” as it were. We ended up going to the Deitide sim. And there were some people around. And I started talking with them as best as I could. Although…

The nick list in the chat client showing no one in range

I assume you can’t really call it talking, I can just about see who is in chat range thanks to the nick list. But that is about it. And I can’t hear. So all I really can is say hi to people, and then hear Mistress tell them that I can’t hear their return greeting.

For quite a while I was trying to keep up and interact. And, well I don’t know, I guess it all of a sudden hit me how really futile it was. I think for the first time it really hit me about being isolated from the rest of the world. I think that is part of why it hasn’t affected me so much yet. I have not only been out of touch, but also out of sight and away from everyone else.

That perhaps may have helped it make it easier to deal with. I don’t know.m I spend the rest of the night pretty much just listening to Mistress talking to other people and trying to piece together from half conversations what she was really talking about.

So for now I have finished one month of being locked up. Something I never thought I could do. A total of about 150 hours in inworld time. How much longer? I have no idea. Guess time and in particular, Mistress will tell :).

xx
lexi

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Another week gone, and while I am at the moment no longer in the sky dungeon safely tucked away, not much has changed in that sense. I am not tied to a couple of leash rings inside the house. Still “All alone in the dark” as it were. 😉 Of course, there is less and less to write, all days are the same, the hours floating into each other.

And (as predicted) with the newest Restrained Life Viewer, I am now even cut off from listening to group chat. And no, I don’t actually respond to general group chat, apart from the Subbie Union group chat. And mostly just for the fun of it, I actually *do* know I am gagged and my client is blocking incoming and outgoing

But three weeks. I have never been locked up that long in my life. And yet it doesn’t seem to affect me as much as I thought it would. It’s calming actually in a sort of strange way. I did notice that without any contact at all it’s slightly harder.

Part of me fears sliding down into this feeling of extreme isolation. I can’t really think of a word to describe it. But basically its a state where there is very little exciting happening and it’s rough going. I’ve been there earlier when I was doing my first isolation experiments.And on the other hand, part of me kinda wants to get there as well. I guess more than anything else it would tell me how far I am getting to my limits to my breaking point.

Of course with approaching that there is always the part of me that is stubborn and wants to push further and further to please Mistress. 🙂 One thing I did notice, is that for now, I am having less problems with communicating. In previous times I needed some time to adapt to normal speaking patterns, perhaps as I had gotten used to it. I don’t know. I am not sure how I will react when I get out of this. I did notice when I could talk to people for a couple of days back, I found it, well kinda angsty to talk to people. Guess time and experience will tell how this will affect me.

I wait

I breathe

I surrender

I live

I am

I just .. am.

xx
lexi

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Well tonight I passed the a “magical” point for me .. I have now been locked up and basically isolated from the world for a hundred hours!!! Locked away in the dark, unable to hear, unable to speak unable to talk to friends in IM’s or even listen to IM’s.

Not bad going for someone who came into SL and didn’t like to be locked up for long periods of time. *giggles* I mean 30 minutes! it’s a lot! 😉 (okay, was a lot)

The only connection with the outside world is currently group IM’s. And I guess that once Loom Kish gets around releasing Restrained Life 1.11.5 for Linux, *that* particularly part will also be cut off.

And you know, despite the fact that my world is basically black and despite that the only person in world I talk to is Mistress, it’s okay. I am not even bored! I am calm and happy and actually relaxed.

Yesterday I ran across a blog by Pu571’s called “becoming nothing” where she among others talks about bondage scenes becoming boring and repetive, and the power of being isolated:

there is one exception to this . that’s when, counter-intuitively, boredom IS the fetish. dull fun.

this is what is means to be a mannequin, statue, furniture or other objectified item.

being left to stand in place, being commanded not to move, speak, or think, can’t become boring in the same way as other exciting fantasies. or rather, it can, but if there is even a tiny spark of excitement remaining when involved in the scene, the boredom actually becomes a trigger for increasing pleasure.

And I so agree with it. To be in that kind of state, to become really that dependent for contact in a world where social interaction is key, to be come that completly and devotedly focussed on one person, to just be there, just being ready and waiting for Mistress, to be hers to do as she pleases, it’s a mind trip all right. I have no idea how long I am going to be locked up like this, maybe .. even *IF* I ever get released?

Who knows?

Who cares?

it’s really not in my hands any more.

I am happy,

I am hers
xx

lexi

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