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Posts Tagged ‘prompts’

Right, tonight I want to talk to you all about something that has been getting on my beef for the last few weeks. Bad dominants, and yes this topic will probably will lead probably quite a bit in to a rant. But before I delve into the topic, I will say this: There are some wonderful dominants out there, that I am truly honoured and blessed to know and have played with.

So; what would I call a good dominant? Someone who knows they are dominant (well, yes) but can also act on that without being an arrogant arse. For me, you can be dominant without showing this off by carrying multiple whips or several cuffs (dreaded Dom belt anyone?), or, Bastet forbids, trying to dominate and control everyone in a 10 meter radius. Dominant is about attitude, yes. But you can carry that attitude quietly, in your bearing, in your behaviour.

A dominant for me is one,  who displays care, love even for their charges, who listens to a submissives wants and needs and that do not disregard what the submissive said without a thought. Who is sure of themselves and does not feel a need to beat their chest to prove it.

So where would I start on what a bad dominant is. Oh boy, I think I am spoilt for choice. I think in the last few weeks, I have had more then my fair share of bad dominants. So I want to talk about this a bit more in-depth and why the idea that this is a bad thing.

I do feel I need to emphasise that this is not written about a hate for dominants, or that I think that all dominants are bastards and wrong to begin with. As I will point out in the end of this blog, there are certain situations where us submissives are just as well as fault as the dominants for creating this. I can not stress this enough. This is just something I have ran into with various dominants online in the last few weeks.

There is perhaps a reason why this has happened mostly with online dominants, although I will admit that my interactions with BDSM these days are mainly confined to that medium. However I do know that these things do happen in real life just as easy. Perhaps at times real life communities are a little bit better at weeding out the bad and the miserable so to speak.

So the best format I could come up with for writing this blog in, is in the form of a list. Kind of like the questions and answer  format that I just adore because it makes writing so easier. Thus I have spend the last twenty (okay forty-five with being side tracked) minutes setting out my outline for this blog (at the time of writing, as I wrote this over two days);

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Well this is a bit later then expected, and I am struggling even now to get it finished. The last two nights – and really most of the weekend – I have not really been sleeping well. Nothing like it used to be where I am up all night, although with my current sleep schedule it may have just as well been that. This sadly meant that I have neglected my blogging by and large because I have severely lacked the energy.

On the slightly more positive side, after being nagged by friends, I have actually given in and went to see a doctor about my cough. The result is that I am currently on antibiotics, and had an x-ray made to see what is causing it. Time (probably next week at the earliest) will tell what the results are from that.

However I did not want to let this week go by without having written a blog. Something in the last two days have made me think about a third topic and some folks might not find pleasant to hear, but I think it is a subject that perhaps I do need to write about. That subject is on engaging with dominants – especially those with nefarious motives or those that are less willing to listen to negotiation, or frankly are willing to bypass your needs and wants immediately.

However, I am nothing if not stubborn. So I am going to do a little bit of a cop out and publish the second part of the  the next twenty questions that I had planned for a later date. However in the second part there are some questions that I give me pause. I think I have to draw somewhere the line between being honest and at least to some degree preserve a certain amount of decorum.

So let’s see..

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Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all have had a wonderful holidays.  I had a lovely time on holiday and feel actually quite exhausted and in dire need of a week of solitary confinement. Going away is lovely and it was great to see my family and it was the visit that by and large went as I dreamt it would have gone (no dream like that is ever perfect). Still, it is good to be home, and sleep in my own bed and have my own things around me.

As you all may noticed I did not exactly keep my promise on taking a break. Mostly because some of the writings seem to come when I was relaxing and I liked the idea of writing. Regardless, I got my 52 blogs in a year in, so i am pretty happy about that all in all. Some of the numbers: The blog was viewed a total of 45,000 times (as bit less then last year with 55,000 views). However the biggest post was on the 4th of December, which was viewed 827 times. This in contrast with best post last year that was viewed 327 times.

There have been a few very interesting questions coming in both on this blog and on the subbie union one: Both which I will address here in time (read sooner rather than later). The first is a very interesting question by Lady Gotham, who asked me to write about the gender point of view in relation to submission. This question came in response to the blog that I wrote in the third person by the request of another dominant. So that is a seriously deep and good question and I am looking forward to getting my teeth in that.

The other question is very much more pertaining to the virtual world of Second Life and the way the restraints are working there, so that will also be a good chance to write something about the differences between that world and the virtual. I love it when there are in-depth reactions to blog that I can get my teeth in.

As for the start of this year. After all I originally said I wouldn’t really start until next week, I am going to do one of these umpteenth questions so that you know what kind of deviant I really am. Now (as an after edit), this is a list of a hundred questions. Which I will never ever get done in a single night.

So for tonight – I am going to publish the first 20 one and consider this a sort of part 1 of 5. I hope you enjoy! (more…)

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There are days, when I just seem not to be able to write. Well no, that is not true. I have written. A lot actually. I have been writing reports and plans at work. Today I replied somewhat ranty to someone on facebook and that was a good 400 odd words.

So all in all I have written more then my fair share of words today. It is perhaps little to no surprise with the little but good sleep I have been getting the last few days that my ability to creatively write has somewhat diminished. And this … this annoys me to no reason.

I should be able to write at least something. And I will not give up on this. This may not be long but I want to at least write something, because I am. *sighs* Yes, I am stubborn! And a whole lot of other things that are all wrapped up in a confusing ball called emotions.

Still, I had a lovely conversation with someone I know in Second Life. Turns out that we are pretty much life next to each other in different sims. As far as that goes with the size of the Second Life world, that means we are practically neighbours within shouting distance. I may have to wander over one day and explore some of her parts of the world.

So for tonight, I am going to go back to the questions about Dominants and their submissive. So a bit more relational wise. Other than that, it’s just going to be case about sitting down, and stop feeling sorry for myself and write.

Let’s roll!

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Well talk about funny, I was looking on submissive prompts for inspirations for a last minute, late night blog. And it seems that all the questions that actually appeal to me are those that actively have to do with my relationship with Mistress.

I am not sure how that come to be, but while this may be hard to do, perhaps it is also a good thing to do. Something that helps me both remember where I have come from, what I have been through. A famous quote goes; do not be sad that it is over, smile that it happened. I am not so sure about the first part of that statement, but there is a certain amount of truth that is part of the second one.

Perhaps this week is a rather short introduction to this rather or somewhat introspective blog. But hey, it gives you perhaps a glimpse in part of my soul and what my past is. If that kind of thing really interest you anyway. If not, well there is nothing I can do about. Well you could suggest topics for me to write about 😉

So this week there are about five questions that hark back to my relationship with Mistress. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I actually enjoyed writing it, in that bitter sweet way. There is not a lot more I can say about this but rather, I think I let the written words do the talking:
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Good evening all.

The hour is growing late and the day is turning weary as I sit down at my computer to do some writing. It has been a rather busy and chaotic week so far and with the prospect of the coming week becoming much much more busy. But I shall weather it hopefully and then things will hopefully clear up for a while.  Although clear up is all in all pretty much relative since there is more then enough work for at least double the amount of people available.

The result in this is that I have actually spend a fair amount of time this weekend, much more then normal both in world and in other online venues. I know what I am doing and why, what the mechanisms behind my actions are and how they influence me. I am not saying my methods are right or wrong. It really just how it is and a way of coping for me. Not something I have done much in the last few months but with the stress of work something that was just needed.

And it has been fun. I have been exploring a lot and talking to loads of people at my own speed. Still, there needs to be a time for writing as well and I am trying to get that in now, perhaps way to late. but better late then never, right?  Right, with about forty-five minutes left to crack on I better get cracking

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Good evening. I am dreadfully sorry for not having posted yesterday. This is the first time in three years that I have actually missed my deadline for writing. A long weekend spend with family who wanted to see something in my area and a promise I made to some friends that went slightly awry (and took a whole lot longer than I expected) meant that by the time I came home I only then realised that I should have written.

The late hour of the day meant that I had really only two possibilities. One; I could have sat down and written there and then. However the lateness of the evening and having had a weekend that pretty much threw my normal rhythm asunder meant that that I would have paid for it today. Much more then I already did.

So knowing that my health comes first, I decided to fore go writing and post today instead. Yes it is late, but better late then never I suppose. I did do however the somewhat smart thing and worked on getting something resembling a topic together for this week.

As most have seen me do, I just love answering questions. It gives me ideas and ways to talk about one of my favourite subjects. Add to this that I have promised in the past that I would answer some more questions in a form of a frequently asked question type style blog. This all means that this method will be used tonight. So sit back and relax and let me kick this off with …

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Good evening all. So a busy week, a busier weekend but there are some good things after this week. Some great friends have told me I can always count on them if something like last week happened with silly dominants. That of course warms the cockles of my heart.

While I am in no way shape or form needing someone to defend my honour, I am after all more then capable to stand up for myself. Still it is nice to know there are people who care enough for me to have my back may I have a need for it.

In other news, I am still alive. For those that haven’t spoken to me in world or otherwise; I woke up last week with bad stomach pains and turns out that the lining had become inflamed and irritated. Very annoying. Whether it is from stress or what I do not know. I have been to see the doctors and well; at the moment while my stomach is acting up a little bit it is improving daily. At least I have not been awake during the night due to pain.

As for this weeks blog; I came across an old blog post from Clarisse Thorn, about Kink Blogging. Something I am pretty much familiar with. Since I was looking for a topic and she offered several questions on the topic of blogging; I thought it would be nice to tackle and answer them,

So without any more delay;
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Well it has been a heavy and very emotional week with loads of ups and downs and I am pretty much gone through the wringer. The good thing is job related which I will not get into but it is something I have been working towards and have been hoping for a long time, so I am awesomely happy about that.

The not so good news is that due to the absence of my Mistress in Second Life, I am about to loose the plot that we have our land on. I have already started to take back the pieces that belong to me with only a few bits and bobs left. The last remaining things will be done either on Sunday or Monday. I will leave the land clean and pristine to hand it back to our landlords.

It’s going to be hard to loose it. After just over five years since I suggested this parcel and we got it .. I now shall lay my last hand on it, returning it to the way we found it. There are some wonderful and beautiful memories there, perhaps some of the happiest of my life. The memories and the love that was there will be always with me.

I am very much aware that, within Second Life, things come and go and nothing is granted to us. I have seen this happen to others in the eight or so year that I have been inhabiting this wonderful virtual world but … no, I knew it could happen to me, but the heart hopes and hope, as they say does always spring eternal. Right, now .. it just makes me deeply and incredibly sad to loose my home after five years.

One of the things that it has in relevance to tonight topic is this – I have received a part of my training there. In fact, to this day, even after not having seen my Mistress over six months, I still can not get it past my lips to call my cottage anything else then that. It’s my cottage, not my home. Maybe in the months to come that will change. For now, my training holds steadfast.
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Well, I have a confession to make. As many of you may have noticed, there was no blog last night at the stroke of midnight. In fact, midday Sunday has come and gone and there is still no blog, but of course by reading this work, you can deduct what was happening at that time!

My apologies for not having been able to stick to my regular publishing schedule. Although my orders are to publish once a week (and that includes the Sunday), last night while I was writing I was not feeling overly brilliant. Too tired, and in too much pain from a long day running around and doing chores. I decided that for once my health would be more important then the stress of making sure I got my blog done and went to sleep. I do however apologise, but I should get this done in the next few hours and post – so you still get your Sunday reading pleasures but a bit later.

This time we are starting with part 3 of common questions one runs into when starting out in BDSM. I think many people enjoy my writing having gone back to basic and I can not deny it has made a refreshing start for me as well.

Because remembering where I have come from, where we all have come from, taking these first few steps into a bigger and often initially scary looking world, full of its own language, rituals, expectations, and behaviours. I am sure there are many who are taking these steps only now, where I was over ten years ago (by the whiskers of Bastet, that makes me feel right old), learning, feeling their way, trying to assimilate every little bit of knowledge.

Today’s questions are in part given in by comments left by others (Thanks Vanni!) and some others that came forth from that. I am not sure this will be an entirely long blog – but I have been saying that for the last few weeks and every time typed out a long long amount of text for you all to read.

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