Archive for March, 2013

So this blog comes on the doorstep of Easter and supposedly the starts of spring. Looking outside I for one, can not remember having have ever an Easter so cold. Perhaps it is because it is early in the year, but i know here March has gone down as one of the coldest months in the last fifty years or so. Perhaps in that case it may not come as a surprise that Easter may actually turn out to be colder than Christmas just gone.

Thinking back on last year, where we were enjoying a glorious spring, to the point of sitting outside in the sun and soaking up the rays. This year, however that proves not to be the case and the word of the week seems to be layers and wrapping oneself up (not not in that way!) and curled up sitting near a roaring fire to keep warm. On the plus side, a laptop (where I am writing this blog on at the moment), is also now happily functioning as a glorified lap-warmer

After trying to write something meaningful about the meaning of Easter, I have decided to pick up one of the chapters of my story. Yes, yes i know a long time coming. So without much further ado, I give you the continuing saga of “Self control“, and the latest chapter. Enjoy!!


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This week has been quite something, I must admit. I fear that this post has taken me some considerable time to write due to unfavourable circumstances and perhaps not the most cheerful one, but just a reflection on the week past. Tune in next week for the usual cheerful writings.

The weather for one is absolutely rotten and vile. Yes it is a national past time to actually complain about the weather but seriously. We are currently having a very cold March, which apparently is due to the strong persistent eastern winds. I mean, it’s almost April!

Ahem, onwards and upwards as they say, or as Churchill used to say “KBO” (Winston Churchill (British Prime Minister during WWII) ended almost every phonecall with KBO. KBO is an acronym for “Keep Buggering On”)…


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After reading through some of the post on FetLife I decided to write this week about the way people interact with each other. Perhaps an article that is applicable as much in normal everyday life as it is within the world of the BDSM lifestyle. However it seems that in on-line environments such as social network and dating sites, chat-rooms and places such as Second Life, the kind of protocols for a lack of better word or just common sense mannerism seem to fall by and large by the wayside.

To quickly backtrack for a moment, for those not in the know, fetlife is a social networking site, not entirely unlike Facebook, that caters primarily to the fetish crowd. It allows people to friend people and show people what kind of fetishes they are into. The site is part free, with some features available for paid membership. Fetlife is by no means the only of such website, frankly the web are plenty each overlapping and occasionally seemingly trying to cater to their own niche.

In tonight’s blog I want to explore some thoughts about manners, being polite, even in the face of adversity and rejection and well, the language used;


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It’s been a while since I have written about the use of tasks with in BDSM relationships. Actually in reviewing what I written last time or rather when I had last written about this subject. And it turns out that this is exactly a year ago, give or take a day. But such is the nature of the actual year. So a year onwards, and here we go again…

In a discussion that I was partial overhearing this weekend, the talk came about controlling a submissive “remotely”. What did they mean by remotely. They did mean expecting a submissive to follow orders given in Real Life when they are given over a digital medium in this case (surprisingly) the world of Second Life. Speaking for myself, I personally do not like the term remote, mostly because it implies a certain distance between the dominant and the submissive, even though I do understand that this is a distance in the physical rather than the emotional sense.

So in the this blog I want to look once again at the various structures that can be placed within existing on-line BDSM relationship to make at least a partial step into reality that is the world of BDSM. I will try to give various examples if and where possible but by all means this blog is in general intended to be a higher level overview of the possibilities of what is possible and what is involved. Plus all examples and such given are of course from within my own frame of reference and may or may not be applicable to your own situation

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Well, in the run up to yesterday’s blog-post, I totally forgot that March has come, or rather, I have not forgotten the date, but rather that March is traditionally known amongst bloggers as the Question and Answer month.

If you perhaps remember I ran the same Q&A last year all of March as well, just after I started blogging. So instead of just one blog, here’s another blog announcing my participation in the March 2013 Question and Answer challenge. So, the rules:

So here’s the deal ….

You ask me a question and I’ll answer them.
So for a whole month long you get to quick-fire, interrogate, cross examine me to your hearts content.

I’ll end this neatly .. on the 31st of March at midnight UTC.

Leave your question in my comment, poke me within Second Life, or send me an email at lex (dot) berchot (a-t) googlemail (dot) com

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For a while now I have wanted to write about possessiveness within the BDSM scene. I am not sure where the idea originated from but it must have come from somewhere because I found it obviously interesting enough to make a note about wanting to visit the topic at some point.

For me, the terms are something that for me are quite often used within BDSM. They seems to come quite natural as part of the process on behalf of Dominants in BDSM based relationships. But as we shall see further down possessiveness and even protectiveness are not entirely uncommon traits to be found in dominants but are available in spades in submissives as well.

The classic definitions for possessiveness and protectiveness are as follows:

possessiveness, noun:    Excessive desire to possess or dominate
protectiveness, noun:     The quality or state of being protective. A feeling of protective affection

It is interesting to see how the definitions are worded. Words have their own meaning and we can immediately see from the description of possessiveness that it has a rather negative overtones. Also notable is the inclusion of the word dominate. So from the get go there seems to be semantic link between possessiveness and domination and bdsm in general. Perhaps not entirely that much of a surprise but still.

Let us have a look and see what these traits mean and what we can learn about them…

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