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Archive for May, 2012

To my dear readers,

While for the last few weeks I have stayed true to my promise to update this blog every week, I fear that this week I will not be able to uphold that commitment. Due to an unexpected illness in the family, my head is sadly not in the right place to write a blog about BDSM or anything else for that matter, as my mind keeps drifting away (this post alone took me almost more than half an hour to write).

I frankly am not happy to do this but the situation is as it is. Real life must take priority. With a bit of luck I shall hope to have a new blogpost up next week.

With all my love,
lexi

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Breaking a submissive?  And no, tonight I don’t want to write about the problems you encounter if you play and manage to wrench an arm out of submissives socket during suspension. Nor do I want to touch upon the dangers of two-by-four impact play (an activity only reserved for the most ardent of masochists). But every once in a while (a lot depending which circles you move in, of course) you hear submissives expressing a desire “to be broken” or dominants saying that for them a submissive must be broken to be any use.

As always, and especially with regards to the BDSM scene, the words used are always subject to semantic interpretation and thus can mean different things to different people. There are various takes of what breaking a slave or a submissive could be. So what is it like to be broken? What does it mean? Let’s explore, shall we?

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A couple of nights ago, the term consent was dropped in a bit of banter between a couple of friends. And I thought it would be a great blog post to have a better in depth look at consent. It seems often that consent is thrown around or wilful ignored or generally assumed or taken in a matter of things. This post will primarily deal with consent in terms of BDSM and relationships, but I may do a follow up post on consent specific issues with regards to second life.

There are basically a couple of definitions that define BDSM. Consent, is one of them. Weather that is consent within a relation, within a scene, even within a simple interaction is most important, and vital. With out consent BDSM would be nothing more than pure abuse or overpowering a person either mentally or physically.  So what is consent and how is it defined?
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Within BDSM fear is usually seen as a bad thing. After all, in a healthy and loving BDSM relationship, be that M/s or D/s or whatever form or name you give it, one should please their partner out of love and a desire to make the other person as happy as they can be. To act out of fear, would be a very unhealthy situation for a submissive to be in. As such the word fear in relationships hold a very negative definition.

However I have found that fear does not always need to be a negative thing but can either be healthy, or even down right exciting and arousing. If handed out in the right way, dealt with it in the right way, by the right person, fear can be a wonderful tool to a dominants arsenal of toys and a delicious feeling for a submissive to become overwhelmed in. I know that this sounds entirely paradoxical: How can you be attracted to fear, and how can fear have a place in a loving and trusting bdsm relationship?

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