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Archive for February, 2016

One hour, one blog. How hard can this be. Time to switch on some classical music. and pound the keyboard. I am not sure what to write about tonight. I am still fighting some reluctance about writing. So in this case, I have determined I will write. Whatever my mind is going to come up with and whatever the direction this is going to take in.

For me at the moment, the act of writing itself and getting words on paper is far more important then making sense. Well not entirely, but I hope that you get what I am referring to. To write, to put the effort in, to do it, or in short – here’s your screen, your parchment; now shut up and write.

And yes, as was said last week in reaction to my blog: Write when you want, when you feel you have something to say. I honestly wish that I could. If that would be the case, then i would probably never write. There are always other things that I can find to be doing.

And, writing is something that takes practice and nurturing. It is no surprise that my writing much improved over the time that I was with Mistress. At the same time there is a decline after this much time being left unchecked.  Heck I probably have been writing alone without her reading them since mid 2013 give or take. So by and large, that is not bad going.

It also means, that a lot of my writing, as much as it actually pains me to say, are my own. Yes she, my Mistress, may have given the incentive, even the encouragement to get me to write.  But the lion share of the work, the blood and tears that I have shed in my battle with the words are mine and mine alone. I try to take some pride in that, some solace even perhaps?
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As some may notice it’s been a while since I last wrote. The twenty-sixth of January to be precise. That is a very long time. There are some reasons for it which I will explain in this blog post. This will however not be a long one.

More then anything I am forcing myself to write. Does that sound weird? It does a little bit. After all I am so apt to say that since this is my blog, so therefore my rules. Yet, it is that I find vehemently disagree with myself. Truth to be told – I disagree often enough with everyone else, why should I be of any difference?

Truth is, I do like to write to an extent. Sure, I struggle with it at times, but you know, I am not really ready yet to throw the towel in. The whole once a week thing may have to stop but time will tell on that. It does get harder over time to find something to write about.

Still, yes, I love writing and I love seeing people like my writing. It’s also been nearly four years since I started writing in earnest on this blog. As many may recall, I did have a blog prior to that but I wrote only sporadically on it. In 2009, Mistress, … yes, in my mind she is still my Mistress. I know, I took her collar off, I know she has not been in world for such a very very long time. Nor has she reacted to emails or IM’s on google talk. But, I have mentioned this so many times before.

Yet, yet I can not pull myself away from what I feel. How I feel about her. Is this fair? Fair to whom? To me, to others? I do not know. I know very much that I am not ready to move on perhaps. On the other hand, I may just as well clinging to the remnants, dwelling in the past as they say. I do not know what.  It does not help that I just realised that it is pretty much exactly four years ago (give or take 4 days) since I started blogging.
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