Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘banishment’

Sometimes, I really should keep my mouth shut. I really should take the following lesson to heart:

“I will not make my life more difficult than necessary.”

As .. well … You would think by now, I would learn, wouldn’t you? I mean, you would, right?

Here I was, at home, with Mistress, just talking about the various bits and bobs and joking. Happily curled up in front of her (as kittens are notoriously known to do) and doing the things I usually do, which might include nipping and being just general a silly, playfull kitten.

Mistress and I cuddling and talking at home.

I can’t remember how exactly we got here, but at some point I started asking about trouble. It was getting late, so Mistress gently chided me, that I might be in a whole lot of trouble where it not for the fact that it was pretty late.

See, at this point, anyone with an ounce of common sense and grounding in the ways of the wise would have taken her word for it and just left it at that. It’s a good thing I still have the cute thing going for me. 😉

After some teasing about how much trouble I exactly would be in and what this would entail, I ended up being muted through my collar and shortly later I was ‘helped’ inside the banesuit once more again.

And that is where I am now, and have been for the past couple of days. Locked away and shielded from the outside world. For how long? who knows. It may be some time, It may be not. Time will tell.

me relaxing on the edge and "sunbathing" under a tree at home

Right now I am just relaxing outside our home. Perhaps soon I will start wandering around various sims or making my ways around. If you see me, feel free to say hi. Just realise that I won’t be able to really respond much, it at all.

So yes, I guess it really meant that lesson has not sunk in that I should not make my life more difficult for myself than I really need. But all in all I also got to remember:

Mistress is not evil, just merely kind.

She really is :)) And frankly, part of me loves to be as much restrained and completely at her mercy and whims as I love seeing and able to talk to my friends.

xx
L-8746 (aka lexi)

Read Full Post »

Five weeks passed Saturday. After a week which was both interesting and hard.

Tuesday evening Vanni had her “Hot under the Collar” event. Mistress and I happily could attend. While we were somewhat fashionably late it was fun to “see” other people for a bit. Although I noticed how quick emotions play up when being isolated. As simple as just clicking onto something became a major chore.Still I managed all in all, with a lot of Mistress help.

The rest of the week I spend between our dungeon and home. and it was hard going at times. I was definitely missing my friends and struggling with being so restrained.

But last night, Mistress decided that after five weeks, over a 180, a-hundred hours, locked up and incommunicado, as they say, that for now it was enough. She removed my bondage and all restraints and restrictions.

So what are my records now? Or rather how long have I been locked away from everything ?

Steel Shackle (RA) after 181 hours 12 minutes 30 secs
Steel Shackle (RW) after 180 hours 57 minutes 50 secs
RR Scarf blindfold after 188 hours 26 minutes 40 secs
RR Ballgag after 184 hours 31 minutes 10 secs

So I am for the time being free and able to come and see people and talk to those that have tried to IM me or send me note cards. I look forward to catching up with everyone and just wandering around the grid causing mayhem and chaos.

And yet, still a small part of me, regrets being free. Guess that’s the “insane” part of me, the need for that feeling of total loss of control in many ways. But for now, I am will get back to my normal self and be alive ..

I am sure that at some point I’ll end up being tied up.

xx
lexi

Read Full Post »

Well, it’s official. I now have spend 4 weeks locked up in almost complete isolation from the world. The only contact I have had is a day and a half break and could actually talk to people. But as things go, you get used to the silence and not talking. Communicating after being locked away after an extended and intense period of time, is something that takes (strangely enough) some getting used to.

A couple of nights ago (I think this was Wednesday or Thursday), Mistress decided to take me out for a little bit of fresh “air” as it were. We ended up going to the Deitide sim. And there were some people around. And I started talking with them as best as I could. Although…

The nick list in the chat client showing no one in range

I assume you can’t really call it talking, I can just about see who is in chat range thanks to the nick list. But that is about it. And I can’t hear. So all I really can is say hi to people, and then hear Mistress tell them that I can’t hear their return greeting.

For quite a while I was trying to keep up and interact. And, well I don’t know, I guess it all of a sudden hit me how really futile it was. I think for the first time it really hit me about being isolated from the rest of the world. I think that is part of why it hasn’t affected me so much yet. I have not only been out of touch, but also out of sight and away from everyone else.

That perhaps may have helped it make it easier to deal with. I don’t know.m I spend the rest of the night pretty much just listening to Mistress talking to other people and trying to piece together from half conversations what she was really talking about.

So for now I have finished one month of being locked up. Something I never thought I could do. A total of about 150 hours in inworld time. How much longer? I have no idea. Guess time and in particular, Mistress will tell :).

xx
lexi

Read Full Post »

Another week gone, and while I am at the moment no longer in the sky dungeon safely tucked away, not much has changed in that sense. I am not tied to a couple of leash rings inside the house. Still “All alone in the dark” as it were. 😉 Of course, there is less and less to write, all days are the same, the hours floating into each other.

And (as predicted) with the newest Restrained Life Viewer, I am now even cut off from listening to group chat. And no, I don’t actually respond to general group chat, apart from the Subbie Union group chat. And mostly just for the fun of it, I actually *do* know I am gagged and my client is blocking incoming and outgoing

But three weeks. I have never been locked up that long in my life. And yet it doesn’t seem to affect me as much as I thought it would. It’s calming actually in a sort of strange way. I did notice that without any contact at all it’s slightly harder.

Part of me fears sliding down into this feeling of extreme isolation. I can’t really think of a word to describe it. But basically its a state where there is very little exciting happening and it’s rough going. I’ve been there earlier when I was doing my first isolation experiments.And on the other hand, part of me kinda wants to get there as well. I guess more than anything else it would tell me how far I am getting to my limits to my breaking point.

Of course with approaching that there is always the part of me that is stubborn and wants to push further and further to please Mistress. 🙂 One thing I did notice, is that for now, I am having less problems with communicating. In previous times I needed some time to adapt to normal speaking patterns, perhaps as I had gotten used to it. I don’t know. I am not sure how I will react when I get out of this. I did notice when I could talk to people for a couple of days back, I found it, well kinda angsty to talk to people. Guess time and experience will tell how this will affect me.

I wait

I breathe

I surrender

I live

I am

I just .. am.

xx
lexi

Read Full Post »

Well tonight I passed the a “magical” point for me .. I have now been locked up and basically isolated from the world for a hundred hours!!! Locked away in the dark, unable to hear, unable to speak unable to talk to friends in IM’s or even listen to IM’s.

Not bad going for someone who came into SL and didn’t like to be locked up for long periods of time. *giggles* I mean 30 minutes! it’s a lot! 😉 (okay, was a lot)

The only connection with the outside world is currently group IM’s. And I guess that once Loom Kish gets around releasing Restrained Life 1.11.5 for Linux, *that* particularly part will also be cut off.

And you know, despite the fact that my world is basically black and despite that the only person in world I talk to is Mistress, it’s okay. I am not even bored! I am calm and happy and actually relaxed.

Yesterday I ran across a blog by Pu571’s called “becoming nothing” where she among others talks about bondage scenes becoming boring and repetive, and the power of being isolated:

there is one exception to this . that’s when, counter-intuitively, boredom IS the fetish. dull fun.

this is what is means to be a mannequin, statue, furniture or other objectified item.

being left to stand in place, being commanded not to move, speak, or think, can’t become boring in the same way as other exciting fantasies. or rather, it can, but if there is even a tiny spark of excitement remaining when involved in the scene, the boredom actually becomes a trigger for increasing pleasure.

And I so agree with it. To be in that kind of state, to become really that dependent for contact in a world where social interaction is key, to be come that completly and devotedly focussed on one person, to just be there, just being ready and waiting for Mistress, to be hers to do as she pleases, it’s a mind trip all right. I have no idea how long I am going to be locked up like this, maybe .. even *IF* I ever get released?

Who knows?

Who cares?

it’s really not in my hands any more.

I am happy,

I am hers
xx

lexi

Read Full Post »

Well the second week has come and gone and so far, I’ve been doing well. Sure part of me misses being able to go where I want, when I want. The biggest thing I am missing is talking to my dear friends and going to those few events that I like attending. I know that I am already have a bit of a natural habit to isolate myself.

Part of the reason I loved Mistress’ home so much, because it was so quiet and peaceful. it’s a natural barrier that sits quite well with me. But on the other hand, I am immensely grateful for those friends who keep poring and poking me, and get me to come to their events. (You know who y’all are).

However, so far I am doing really well, I think. I have been now isolated, blind and deaf for over two weeks inworld and so far I have not had any trouble dealing with it. My cuffs have roughly collected about eighty-odd hours of time on them, so in that case, I have broken new records as well.

Perhaps it’s the fact that while being locked up I am not being confronted with people and therefore less pressed upon and missing social interaction. Or perhaps rather being confronted at an inability of being able to socially interact or in case of banishment, even being punished for interaction (whether intentionally or unintentionally ).

Anyway for now my *second* week of being isolated is done, and we’re gently moving into the third one. I guess as a reason for my “good behaviour“, Mistress lifted most of my restrictions. Which means I can do most things people would consider normal (like talking, inventory, etc), but as far as that, I am still restricted in movement, I am still blindfolded (albeit blurry), and gagged.

I have noticed though, that I am a bit more withdrawn. If this is just normal part of the isolation I am not sure. I feel, actually a bit withdrawn, perhaps disassociated with the rest of the world. I know that last time I was isolated, it took me a while to come back to my normal self again. But this feels slightly different.

Guess part of it has to do with that last time, when Mistress freed me from isolation, I was nearing the point where it occasionally became very hard going. Right now I feel pretty much like I am on day 2 or 3 of that experience. I am still enjoying it.

Frankly it gives me a sense of balance and stability for some reason. I might ask Mistress to lock me back up tonight. Maybe stricter than before, but at least in a way that I can find that balance again.

I guess I am leaving you with one quote I saw when watching Babylon 5 re-runs:

Everything out there has only one purpose; to distract us from ourselves, What is truly important. But there are no distractions in here. We can learn much from silence.

–G’Kar

xx

lexi

Read Full Post »

Well, tonight my first week of being isolated once again from the rest of the world ended. While I hadn’t really expected to be released just yet (she had mentioned she wanted me to break the records on my cuffs. So tonight she untied me and took me to Castle Darkstone, in Excession: and told me the following:

Thalia Rau: 🙂 now for the new plan. you can earn your freedom as well as a bonus. 🙂
Thalia Rau: we are at the entrance to the trap room.
Thalia Rau: I will remove your blindfold and you will navigate the trap room.
Thalia Rau: If you can get through with no traps being sprung then you are free at the end.
Thalia Rau: for each trap you spring you get one day of isolation. as furhter incentive if you trip three or less traps you still get isolation but still get the bonus.

So here I was. The blindfold was set to blurry, by my request really. I really would have hated to lost the 40 odd hours I have now accumulated, and yes, I love to break my records on my cuffs. I waited for Mistress to open the doors and ran upstairs, I walked through the door.

See the trick with the cage room is that the doors are pretty quite close to each others, so you wold almost be tempted to try and walk a straight line. This is where I went wrong as well. Immediately I got caged twice in a row, although Mistress was as kind to let the second go uncounted.

So being slightly the wiser, I started to walk down the end and turned left .. feeling my luck. I managed to get down the half way mark but then I lost my stroke of luck really, and it counted up quickly. Before I knew it I was on 3 violations and well, with not only freedom but also a secret bonus (which I still don’t know what it is) on the line, I tried a straight line for the door.

(me in the cageroom being stuck)

Oh my, what a case of “So close, but yet so far”, I quickly got two more violations against me before I headed through the door. To be honest, I was half thinking of trying another way so I could have earned another two days, making it exactly another week to be spend in isolation.

Now sure, it looks easy .. but let me show you how things kinda looked from *my* end of things:

(as you can see, a lot less visibility)

Anyway, the result is that I am back in my pit cell, and have to endure at least another five days of being completely isolated from the world. We ended the evening talking wonderfully about various very delicious looking latex outfits (bar one, that was pink!) *grins*

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »