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Archive for May, 2015

I think that one of the things that has become abundantly clear is that perhaps I have to give up on the idea of writing on a Saturday. It’s more often then not that my Saturdays are so filled with other stuff and social obligations that by the time I get home in the evening, I am either wiped out to do much or well time for me to crawl straight through the front door and up the stairs into bed.

So perhaps, since I have chosen in the last few weeks to actually write on a Sunday, this may be the new way forward. I will try to write when I can so that I can still publish as early as I can on the Sunday but timings may vary depending a lot on when or what I have on my plate that weekend.

However what is clear to me, that I am in no way ready and/or willing to give up on writing yet. Yes, this blog may have been started as an order from my Mistress and yes, my reason for writing was also in part because I want to please her and do my best in doing so. But this blog has been my labour of love and while I have at times suffered many pains and anxieties about it, it is also the realisation that it is my by hand and mind that this blog has grown into what it was. I could not have done this without her but it is my effort, blood, sweat and tears.

So, with that having said …
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Yes, yes I know. Where the hell is she with that blog? What is she thinking? Is she not aware that people are waiting for this? Seriously, some one should teach her a lesson. Yeah probably yes to all of them. I am really well aware that my blog is way way over due and that it is much later then I usually post.

So; what’s going on? Well first of all after a long week of working I am a lot more tired then I usually am (and that is saying something!) I decided that last night, that sleep was far more important then writing (I know, the audacity!). Wait, that’s not true.

I do not think that sleeping is more important then writing. What I do believe is that at that time of the night, I was not going to come up with a blog and that struggling to write something was not worth jeopardising my health over it. But as always; best lays plans etc.

This weekend I have been running back and forth to get everything sorted for next week and getting all the shopping in and to restock my cupboards. Add to that that a little bit of work here and there was needed and there was not much time left during the day.

Yep, no rest ever for the wicked it seems. One day, one day, I will get things sorted and just find a nice quiet weekend to relax and do things that I want to do. But that may be well off. On the plus side of this all: Long weekend!! Tomorrow is a bank holiday, memorial day if I remember correctly in the US and several other countries celebrate Pentecost. So long weekend and shorter week at work. I am totally digging that.

So, one of the questions I have for my dear readers is where to go next. I have a few ideas that I need to flesh out in my mind before putting them onto the digital paper. One of them is a FAQ (frequently asked questions); that i found on another blog that seems to compile lots of different questions regarding BDSM. This would tie in nicely with my earlier ‘common questions about BSDM’.

But what I would love to hear from all of you is what kind of topics you would love to hear me talk about. I can not promise I will touch on all of them, but if I can I will. Obviously those that are closer to my heart and which I have experience with will be easier to write then those that are entirely outside of my frame of reference.

So, yes it is going to be a very short blog. I need to get to grips with writing again, with planning my blogs better and getting into the swing of it all. At the same time it is very hard to find motivation at a time when my life seems in so much upheaval.

Yet at the same time; I feel conflicted. Yes I started writing this blog regularly as part of an order that Mistress gave me. Her feedback meant always the world to me. However strange that may be, but with her not being around at the moment, and the unsure reality of where is she or what, the spark that driven me in a lot of things has diminished. Lost maybe, although someone mentioned it to me today, that it is not lost … perhaps just hidden. Time will tell on this. I hope for my sake she’s right.

So I am going to post this short blog and hope to get many responses on what you guys want me to write about. I do apologise again for posting so late. Life found a way to interrupt this. But I still posted.

I hope you have a wonderful week, and for those celebrating have a wonderful bank holiday or Memorial Day.

 

Take care, have fun, and let me know!
Lexi

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This week, there will be really no blog worth mentioning. I am very grateful for all the words of support that people have left for me and while I am well aware that it takes time and more time to get back to a position where I feel, well in many regards myself again. For all of you that I know and perhaps not know but who read my blog faithfully; your words do give me a source of strength. Thank you, truly and honestly from the bottom of my heart.

See despite the fact it was a house, nay a home, where I have lived for the last six plus months mostly alone, removing it was hard, much harder then I would have thought. In fact; as I have mentioned to many – it was the feeling of an eggshell breaking.

I am not sure how I got through this week and last. By and large, I suppose by being very busy with work. Work in that sense is being a wonderful distraction. But it is also new so there are in that sense a lot of changes happening in my life. I think it all came to a screeching crashing halt this evening when I had a huge meltdown and a panic attack.

I think with work so busy and hectic and the long days that I am making, I have so far, at least not in the last two weeks, given myself enough time to process and work through the various changes in my life and as I said, having a really quiet Saturday, sort of brought it all back to the forefront with all the power and intensity of a tsunami. Not one of the best afternoon I thought I would have.

So at the moment I am feeling very raw on the inside and thus this is pretty much all there will be for a blog. I am at the moment rather debating if I am going to allow comments on here or not. I can see both sides of this arguments. I think for now I am going to allow them to be on. I could always change it

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Tonight, a short post only.

It’s late, way to late and unlike the previous weeks I only have sat down to write after the stroke of midnight, which is when I, at least the last few weeks, I should have been in bed.

So tonight, do not expect a master piece of writing from me. In all honesty, this will probably one of my shortest posts. As for my readers, I do apologise for not writing about BDSM and not writing in a way that is my usual cheery self. Instead due to time and circumstances (even though I already decided on the topic) you got a better insight into my personal world, confusing profoundly personal feelings and all.

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Well it has been a heavy and very emotional week with loads of ups and downs and I am pretty much gone through the wringer. The good thing is job related which I will not get into but it is something I have been working towards and have been hoping for a long time, so I am awesomely happy about that.

The not so good news is that due to the absence of my Mistress in Second Life, I am about to loose the plot that we have our land on. I have already started to take back the pieces that belong to me with only a few bits and bobs left. The last remaining things will be done either on Sunday or Monday. I will leave the land clean and pristine to hand it back to our landlords.

It’s going to be hard to loose it. After just over five years since I suggested this parcel and we got it .. I now shall lay my last hand on it, returning it to the way we found it. There are some wonderful and beautiful memories there, perhaps some of the happiest of my life. The memories and the love that was there will be always with me.

I am very much aware that, within Second Life, things come and go and nothing is granted to us. I have seen this happen to others in the eight or so year that I have been inhabiting this wonderful virtual world but … no, I knew it could happen to me, but the heart hopes and hope, as they say does always spring eternal. Right, now .. it just makes me deeply and incredibly sad to loose my home after five years.

One of the things that it has in relevance to tonight topic is this – I have received a part of my training there. In fact, to this day, even after not having seen my Mistress over six months, I still can not get it past my lips to call my cottage anything else then that. It’s my cottage, not my home. Maybe in the months to come that will change. For now, my training holds steadfast.
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