A few more kinky questions

Well this is a bit later then expected, and I am struggling even now to get it finished. The last two nights – and really most of the weekend – I have not really been sleeping well. Nothing like it used to be where I am up all night, although with my current sleep schedule it may have just as well been that. This sadly meant that I have neglected my blogging by and large because I have severely lacked the energy.

On the slightly more positive side, after being nagged by friends, I have actually given in and went to see a doctor about my cough. The result is that I am currently on antibiotics, and had an x-ray made to see what is causing it. Time (probably next week at the earliest) will tell what the results are from that.

However I did not want to let this week go by without having written a blog. Something in the last two days have made me think about a third topic and some folks might not find pleasant to hear, but I think it is a subject that perhaps I do need to write about. That subject is on engaging with dominants – especially those with nefarious motives or those that are less willing to listen to negotiation, or frankly are willing to bypass your needs and wants immediately.

However, I am nothing if not stubborn. So I am going to do a little bit of a cop out and publish the second part of the  the next twenty questions that I had planned for a later date. However in the second part there are some questions that I give me pause. I think I have to draw somewhere the line between being honest and at least to some degree preserve a certain amount of decorum.

So let’s see..

Read Full Post »

Twenty kinky questions to kick off the year

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all have had a wonderful holidays.  I had a lovely time on holiday and feel actually quite exhausted and in dire need of a week of solitary confinement. Going away is lovely and it was great to see my family and it was the visit that by and large went as I dreamt it would have gone (no dream like that is ever perfect). Still, it is good to be home, and sleep in my own bed and have my own things around me.

As you all may noticed I did not exactly keep my promise on taking a break. Mostly because some of the writings seem to come when I was relaxing and I liked the idea of writing. Regardless, I got my 52 blogs in a year in, so i am pretty happy about that all in all. Some of the numbers: The blog was viewed a total of 45,000 times (as bit less then last year with 55,000 views). However the biggest post was on the 4th of December, which was viewed 827 times. This in contrast with best post last year that was viewed 327 times.

There have been a few very interesting questions coming in both on this blog and on the subbie union one: Both which I will address here in time (read sooner rather than later). The first is a very interesting question by Lady Gotham, who asked me to write about the gender point of view in relation to submission. This question came in response to the blog that I wrote in the third person by the request of another dominant. So that is a seriously deep and good question and I am looking forward to getting my teeth in that.

The other question is very much more pertaining to the virtual world of Second Life and the way the restraints are working there, so that will also be a good chance to write something about the differences between that world and the virtual. I love it when there are in-depth reactions to blog that I can get my teeth in.

As for the start of this year. After all I originally said I wouldn’t really start until next week, I am going to do one of these umpteenth questions so that you know what kind of deviant I really am. Now (as an after edit), this is a list of a hundred questions. Which I will never ever get done in a single night.

So for tonight – I am going to publish the first 20 one and consider this a sort of part 1 of 5. I hope you enjoy!

Read Full Post »

Thoughts and questions

‘T was the night before Monday (well uhm, Tuesday really) and everything was silent in the house .. everything, well no not everything because well, I am using a mechanical keyboard and as the saying goes it does sounds like the clangers when typing. But alas let us no longer dwell on my horrid ability to butcher Christmas poems.

The weekend has been somewhat busy. Actually not busy but the prior week before has been rather a long and hectic one that I desperately needed to get some rest and relaxation. While I tried to write over the weekend, my low energy meant it just did not happen.

Such is life I fear and I am sure that we all have been there, me a lot lately. Perhaps having a little break over the Christmas period will do me good to recharge my internal writing batteries. Who knows. I certainly hope it does. I am not ready yet to let my blog die a quiet death yet. I think I still have a lot of things to share.

Well tonight I wanted to write a bit about dominants and some of the perhaps worrying qualities I have seen in some of the dominants online. And while I still will keep that post in my thoughts because I think that it needs to be written, for a multitude of reasons, I also need to be in a certain frame of mind to write it.

Perhaps because it is a little bit ranty and thus my energy needs to be aligned to that, rather then feeling rather mellow and happy. Perhaps it is because of the play I have engaged in over the last  few days. Perhaps because I am tired and while I did sleep well over the weekend I still have some sleep to catch up on. On the plus side, my cold while still hanging on is fighting a loosing battle, so hopefully by the time Christmas comes it will be completely gone.

So instead of writing about dominants; I am going to do my favourite topic. Answering various questions:

let’s go!

Read Full Post »

The Questions, they keep coming!

There are days, when I just seem not to be able to write. Well no, that is not true. I have written. A lot actually. I have been writing reports and plans at work. Today I replied somewhat ranty to someone on facebook and that was a good 400 odd words.

So all in all I have written more then my fair share of words today. It is perhaps little to no surprise with the little but good sleep I have been getting the last few days that my ability to creatively write has somewhat diminished. And this … this annoys me to no reason.

I should be able to write at least something. And I will not give up on this. This may not be long but I want to at least write something, because I am. *sighs* Yes, I am stubborn! And a whole lot of other things that are all wrapped up in a confusing ball called emotions.

Still, I had a lovely conversation with someone I know in Second Life. Turns out that we are pretty much life next to each other in different sims. As far as that goes with the size of the Second Life world, that means we are practically neighbours within shouting distance. I may have to wander over one day and explore some of her parts of the world.

So for tonight, I am going to go back to the questions about Dominants and their submissive. So a bit more relational wise. Other than that, it’s just going to be case about sitting down, and stop feeling sorry for myself and write.

Let’s roll!

Read Full Post »

Gazing into my navel

The weekend by, partially because a very busy and hectic real life and a reasonably occupied weekend actually has not seen me get much chance to do any writing. Plus there was something that I wanted or needed to watch. Well strongly wanted at least.

The problem is that this left me with very little time to actually do any writing whatsoever this weekend. This is pretty shamelessly bad of me. I thought I was off to a good start last week but it seems I have had a momentarily relapse. But I am sitting down to write now and while I may not have enough time left in the day to do my writing. I still have my stuff to get ready for tomorrow.

Still any writing I will get done today, will safe me having to do tomorrow. Which at the rate I am going this will be the larger chunk of writing this. But, I think as the saying goes, such is life. I still am committed to blogging. The schedule may be a bit off at times but I am planning to keep writing as much as I possibly can. The only difference I may make this year is over Christmas.

First a little bit of an update on my personal life as much as it is shareable. I have noticed a slow shift in myself moving away or perhaps moving a little bit onward. Thoughts that begin to bubble to the service. There have been a few times this week where on purpose I have not worn my collar. For the first time in over 6 years.  Time will, hopefully make it easier. I still do go back to wearing it. There is a certain familiarity and comfort in feeling it around my neck. I know that some of you think I am probably less then sane, but this is my way of dealing with it.

Baby steps. That is it…

Read Full Post »

A year onwards, looking back

Well, the date has come and gone and passed with much less emotional upheaval then I thought it would. Perhaps not surprising as I have been gearing up for this for rather a long time. Especially during this month I have been more then religiously been checking information. But no. There has been no change. On the one hand, this does make me sad. It does mean that I have little to no closure nor knowledge about what happened.

On the other hand … it also gives me a certain sense of comfort. I know that sounds strange but for someone like me, change is upheaval. Something that with her best intentions, Mistress never managed to train out of me. It means that a situation had unchanged.

I can find solace in that, yet not acceptance. Well perhaps acceptance that she will not come back. I suppose that a part of me knows that, even though I am hard pressed to admit it, even to myself. I do not know. Perhaps a better statement is that I, or at least a part of me, does not want to know.

Yet at the same time, there are little tell tale signs. I have changed some profiles, and there have been times when I have been out and about without my collar. And yes, I do feel a sense of shame and embarrassment admitting that. Even more so publicly. See, while I have been punished plenty of times in my relationship, the first time as they say is always the worst.

The first time I got punished was for taking off my collar without permission. I know I have advocated that punishment should fit the crime and for me, and for my Mistress I believe it did. Some may say the cropping I did get was far more severe then it was warranted, but for me it established a few things.

Read Full Post »

Which side of the leash?

Last week I may have mentioned, the ideas about shut up and write. The method where for a set amount odd time you write about what you have planned.The theory behind it is that it is a lot easier to rewrite things then to actually get started writing on you’re first place. Something that is certainly true of yours truly. The start of a blog is certainly a lot of a bigger hurdler then the actual writing part.

I’d love to be able to do that, to just throw myself into this with a reckless abandon, and worry about rewriting at an later stage. Sadly, my mind is a lot less geared that way. Rewriting is an agonising part of writing for me. Something where I have to admit that both my writing is not good enough, and that I really could do better. Then the question for me becomes, if I can do better why haven’t I done so in the first place? Granted I would be the first to admit that my brain is not exactly wired normally, but still that kind of thinking is both very defeating at times, if nothing else stifling in development as just plain tiring…

But enough moaning, considering that I’m writing this while I’m sitting in the train in my way home should be proof enough that I am planning to be a bit more active in my writing and start ahead of time rather then much too late.

Read Full Post »

Six random questions

Good evening all.

The hour is growing late and the day is turning weary as I sit down at my computer to do some writing. It has been a rather busy and chaotic week so far and with the prospect of the coming week becoming much much more busy. But I shall weather it hopefully and then things will hopefully clear up for a while.  Although clear up is all in all pretty much relative since there is more then enough work for at least double the amount of people available.

The result in this is that I have actually spend a fair amount of time this weekend, much more then normal both in world and in other online venues. I know what I am doing and why, what the mechanisms behind my actions are and how they influence me. I am not saying my methods are right or wrong. It really just how it is and a way of coping for me. Not something I have done much in the last few months but with the stress of work something that was just needed.

And it has been fun. I have been exploring a lot and talking to loads of people at my own speed. Still, there needs to be a time for writing as well and I am trying to get that in now, perhaps way to late. but better late then never, right?  Right, with about forty-five minutes left to crack on I better get cracking

Read Full Post »

Question time, after the break

What a week. It has been thoroughly warm and pretty much what could be classed as a heatwave. Stuck in the basement of an old building has not helped matters much, despite having numerous fans and light clothing. It’s been entirely too warm for comfort. Luckily the weekend has brought a little bit of respite with one of the most awesome thunderstorms.

Did I see it? No, in spite of everything it did wake me up but all I did was more or less roll over and go back to sleep. So much for that. Having read the reports the next day I did feel bummed out that I did not roll out of bed and go and watch it. Such is life i suppose.

As for this weeks blog, this consist of more questions. Well less then I had planned because some of them took a long while to pen out. Strange, that I keep using to pet out while I have not been near a single pen while writing this. Much easier to write 1600 odd words by simply bashing them out onto a keyboard.

However, back to the topic at hand. As I said, questions. From the nine originally chosen questions, I have narrowed it down to five and then given time constraints and length wise made the call to stick with three. However do not despair the other will follow in the weeks to come.

I am trying my best to keep the various questions at least confined to a little bit of a topic, so this weeks will deal with D/s relationships, making them work (to an extent) and moving to real life, at least the questions seems to pertain to that. So let’s see!

Read Full Post »

Question Time!

Good evening. I am dreadfully sorry for not having posted yesterday. This is the first time in three years that I have actually missed my deadline for writing. A long weekend spend with family who wanted to see something in my area and a promise I made to some friends that went slightly awry (and took a whole lot longer than I expected) meant that by the time I came home I only then realised that I should have written.

The late hour of the day meant that I had really only two possibilities. One; I could have sat down and written there and then. However the lateness of the evening and having had a weekend that pretty much threw my normal rhythm asunder meant that that I would have paid for it today. Much more then I already did.

So knowing that my health comes first, I decided to fore go writing and post today instead. Yes it is late, but better late then never I suppose. I did do however the somewhat smart thing and worked on getting something resembling a topic together for this week.

As most have seen me do, I just love answering questions. It gives me ideas and ways to talk about one of my favourite subjects. Add to this that I have promised in the past that I would answer some more questions in a form of a frequently asked question type style blog. This all means that this method will be used tonight. So sit back and relax and let me kick this off with …

Read Full Post »