Well, all good plans and all that are always going amiss. I was planning to actually write a story this weekend. Well for that I first needed permission. See I believe that if you are writing about persons, or at least if you write a story where a person is involved in or based upon, whether this is a true thing, or a fantasy, you need to ask them permission. It is the right thing to do. The closer you are, the more this is an ethical thing to do in writing.

Sure, sure, you can just go the general route, make up some names, change a few things and include the almighty “all persons fiction disclaimer” disclaimer, then again, while it may be safe, I think in this case it would largely be a cop-out. Especially as it is based on someone whom I interact with quite a bit these days.

So where is that story then? Well, as I said, good plans and all that: I started writing and half way through the writing I felt that I needed to set up a structure. What I had in my mind to paper so to speak, how the events were going to unfold more or less (yes, call it a god complex, which writer does not have it).  So after setting that out and dividing the various scenes, chapters and acts, or however you want to call them, I started to get to work on writing things and let my characters tell their story.

Turns out they had a lot more to tell then I thought. Who would have think that my characters are as talkative as me. So after writing a good sixteen hundred words, I finished writing the first act, I looked at the time. See, I had given myself until eight o’clock this evening to get the story finished. Clearly with the length and the events that need to take place, that is never going to happen. Sadly this is the truth of the matter, that I need to recognise my limitation in this.


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The Struggle Eternal

It has been more then anything else quite a busy week. All I can say is that thank god it was only four days. It was busy enough that the fourth day i must have gotten through purely on character, that and well having something to look forward to on Friday. But perhaps more about that later. With the weekend also quite busy, i have sadly neglected by far the need to actually sit down and write a blog.

I has certainly not help that this week I have very much been struggling to find a topic that I can write enough about. So this week it is going to be a mismatch of topics that I want to talk about. Some of these topics I have wanted to write about, some of these were given to me, by people. For that as always I am eternally grateful, well at least until next week!

Writing every week can be quite a struggle. Sometimes real life interferes and if you do as I, and don’t write too much about the reality of it all, but more a lot about BDSM,there are only so many different topics you can touch. Yes I am sure you all can bring arguments to the fore that yes, there are different topics to write about. And yes, you are right – I probably have written less then ten percent of all my blogs about what encompasses all that is BDSM.

The thing is however…,
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Non verbal communciation

Or how to train a submissive to react without using words.

Everyone, at least quite likely, knows about non-verbal communication. It is after all what we do every day, a lot of the time even without us being aware of doing it. It is so common and normal to us, in the same way that it is for us to speak. “hold on” you’ll say; I know when I speak. This is of course true. Yes you are aware of you speaking, you can hear the sound, you give form to thoughts. But how often do you stop and think about the process of speaking, how air is pushed out past our voice box, how that vibrates and those vibrations that give form to sounds, how we further manipulate those sounds with our mouth and tongue. That is what I mean with ‘not being aware’.

Truth is, our language as much formed by what we say, as by what we do not say, but by what we show. We use our body in its entirety to express a multitude of non spoken clues to convey meaning to what we say with facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, posture, and tone of voice—that that quite often speak the loudest.

So, no while I do not want to talk about that kind of non verbal communication, or even suggesting that that can be trained (I am sure to a degree it can but I think there is a whole lot of reactions we do very subconsciously, and that would be pretty hard to over ride with training). So if that is not what I want to talk about?

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Last week I was asked a question, or rather I was the one who asked for a topic, and the answer was posted as a statement; something to think about. This statement was: “A topic I’ve been thinking about lately has been about how familiarity breeds contempt. Is there a benefit in maintaining a formality to a strictly D/s relationship and refining casual banter/restricting such speech…

This lead to this blogpost, which is admittedly a rewording of this topic that I wrote earlier this week, changed and expanded on it in further discussions. I asked and was allowed to share this blog post with you all. So here goes. The idea itself has actually been plaguing on my mind a lot last week, though writing this did help me to gain at least some perspective on the topic. Still the various thoughts and all that kept ruining through my mind all of this week. It does take time occasionally for me to really grasp a topic that I have been asked to think about in depth and realise the implications of them.

The question is: does familiarity breed indeed contempt? To answer that question, research has to start at the beginning. In this case, what does the sentence actually mean, or where does it even come from? The origin of the saying lies in Aesop’s FableThe Fox and the Lion

When first the Fox saw the Lion he was terribly frightened, and ran away and hid himself in the wood. Next time however he came near the King of Beasts he stopped at a safe distance and watched him pass by. The third time they came near one another the Fox went straight up to the Lion and passed the time of day with him, asking him how his family were, and when he should have the pleasure of seeing him again; then turning his tail, he parted from the Lion without much ceremony.

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It’s been an strange week. Busy as hell, and real life events beyond my control have left me rather upset and reeling and disappointed in some things. But I am not going to go into them here on my blog. Mostly because I do not want this, mostly because I can not act reasonable and get very angry about this. Perhaps sensory depredation is a solution for this, but that could be just wishful thinking.

As some may have seen though, this blog is written in the first person. Several people (you both know who you are) having expressed their notion about this and I think that writing in the first person makes me both write faster and being more able to express my ideas, and they are after all my ideas and as such I will them express. Writing in the third person is fun but it is sometimes also a challenge to express my views adequately. Thus back to normal hammering out the words it will be.

I have been having a lot of thoughts lately with regards BDSM, learning new things, learning new ways of looking at things. One of these things that I got from this was the realisation that some of the ways I react, it is perhaps not the healthiest way, an understandable way perhaps, but not healthy. I am also doing a fair amount of self-domination. And that is what I am writing about this week.

Self domination. The act where you are controlling your emotions, and actions. Rather then trusting in your dominant to have that control. I am not talking about giving up the control to breathe, or to keep your temper (although there is something to be said for there). That would be much more in the realm of self control, even though breathing is a bad example because that is an autonomous response.

Anyway, …

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The space we occupy

This blog, has been a while in the making, mostly because of a single sentence that was uttered to this girl during play. As such things go, it did stick in her head, and from that single seed this blog grew. If that was where the seed was planted, then why has this taken so long to come to fruition?

As such things go, they sit around, trying to find the right angle, finding the right words and then a second bit comes and slowly the ideas, the structure starts to take place. As such, sometimes it can take a long time for things to get to that point, sometimes they come instantly.

Of course,  it is always easier to write to direct questions like the last few blogs but sometimes one has to sit down and write properly. As this girl has often mentioned. Writing is often as much sharing what she knows as as well figuring out what she is writing about.

One note is there will be a little bit of a change on this blog. From now on she will actually have a little bit P.S.at the end of the blog; this is where she will be sharing some of her thoughts she had this week, which she has been requested to do. So that will have its own separate header at the end of the blog.

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Well it has been a rather few busy and funny old weeks, as you may have noticed she hasn’t really written a lot, mostly because last weekend she was not feeling very well, something not entirely unlike a migraine which left this girl feeling very much far worse off.

Other than that she has been preparing for th arrival of her parents this weekend, cleaning the house and all that jazz that comes with visits. But that is not entirely the thing that has got me delaying, although feeling tired due to it all certainly will not have helped.

Still she’s having fun in the world of second life, having learned a lot in the past weeks, not just about herself, but about bdsm by and large as well. What can this girl learn about bdsm you’d say? More then you would think. She definitely is not a know it all. There are always things that we can learn and can improve on. Taken that it has taken this girl twenty months she seems finally moving on a little bit. There is much to go and much that sounds like secrecy in this blog. Maybe in due time all will be clear and this girl can be more open about the changes that are happening. For now she is taking baby steps into a new world. As she once described to a friend: “it kind of is like holding a hot cup of coffee, filled to the brink and you have to sneeze”

Anyway, this week is that last part in the hypnosis series, there were originally thirty questions, but she may drop some from this as well, there are some questions she already answered in a previous blog of hers on this topic. With that having said: Time to get cracking!

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