Pushing Limits within BDSM

[14:13]  Lex Berchot: Well today I wanted to have a discussion about something slightly different then just a play technique … and having looked around and harrased loads of people for their various opinions and ideas for a munch topic, one friend suggested the idea of discussing “the pushing of limits within a BDSM relationship”.
[14:15]  Lex Berchot: since pushing limits in my opinion is more of a meta activity and not immediately confined to one particularly area … I will start off by a quick rehash of what limits are…
[14:16]  Lex Berchot: there are two types of limits .. hard limits and soft limits …. hard limits are the real “should not go there …” areas of play. Which can be for various reasons .. ie trauma or just because the activity in question just plain grosses you out …..
[14:17]  Lex Berchot: Then there are the soft limits, areas of play, that you may want to explore, but which are highly charged or emotional subjects and something you only really would touch upon with someone you extremely trust ….
[14:20]  Lex Berchot: Now because a limit can be extremely emotional to approach .. one should always take great care while pushing a limit ..so you should talk with your partner and discover really *why* would they want to explore this and perhaps more important … what makes this area so highly charged for them.
[14:21]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli) nods
[14:22]  Lex Berchot: also after play; to make sure your playpartner is all right, and gets all the help, understanding and care that they need, and once again talk tak talk about the experience. See if they got out of the play what they wanted…
[14:22]  Mija Perfferle: something SL is very lack(ing…) with most dominants… sadly…. it´s no talk no talk no talk 😦
[14:23]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): lol
[14:24]  Lex Berchot: I sadly have to agree with you there Mija. It seems lock and run seems to be the more common factor.
[14:24]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): I do enough talking for us both
[14:24]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): blech
[14:24]  Nori Yazimoto: Can vouch for Mari
[14:24]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): lol
[14:25]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): lock and run = “blech” in case anyone was wondering 😉
[14:25]  Lex Berchot: I was 😉
[14:25]  Mija Perfferle: me too!
[14:25]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Either that or the Guinness I drank is coming back 😛
[14:25]  Mija Perfferle: *g
[14:25]  Lex Berchot thinks of pushing vanni’s limits with regards to gagging.
[14:26]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): ew
[14:26]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli) sniggers
[14:27]  Lex Berchot: but .. as Mija perhaps aptly pointed out … Not all Dominants in SL are fond of talking. Which may mean that they never to get to push a submissives limits and if they unadvertly stumble upon one of such trigger points, they may just blunder into territory that will leave the submissive either in a “not so good” state, or in a poistion where she either fights or legs it to the nearest convent.
[14:29]  Nori Yazimoto: Maybe the conventions of RP in SL make discussion difficult
[14:29]  Mija Perfferle: i dont think so, Nori
[14:30]  Lex Berchot: So the question I’d like to ask is .. “who had their limits pushed (in SL or RL) and how did you go about it?” “Why did you want or have your limits pushed” and “what can we think of as rewards and dangers of pushing limits”
[14:30]  Lex Berchot: how doy ou mean Nori, “conventions of RP”?
[14:30]  Nori Yazimoto: Like staying in character
[14:31]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): hard to stay in character for me
[14:31]  Mija Perfferle: for me… or my experiance is… most avis dont want to stay in character or are just to lazy… or too confused to focus…
[14:32]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): i am lazy
[14:32]  Mija Perfferle: i saw this many times @ darkadia in the past 😦
[14:32]  Nori Yazimoto: LOL I think that was me.
[14:32]  Mija Perfferle: ruining all the RP
[14:32]  Mija Perfferle: but back to topic, Lex?
[14:33]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): You mean soft limits, right Sis? Rather than “hard limits, no way do we go there” kind of limits
[14:34]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): soft limits?
[14:34]  Lex Berchot: yes, I do mean soft limits. I consider hard limits to be an absolute no-go area for play.
[14:35]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): A soft limit is something that would be uncomfortable to some degree, as Lex described. A hard limit is a ‘no way do I EVER do that, under any circumstances.”
[14:35]  Mija Perfferle: grins
[14:36]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): One thing I don’t particularly like is being locked up for long periods
[14:36]  Mija Perfferle: Vanni… never say never in SL! *winks*
[14:36]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): My former Miss decided to log just my legs in shackles, and then ended up leaving for like three weeks.
[14:36]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): I hated every second of it.
[14:36]  Mija Perfferle: sighs
[14:36]  Lex Berchot nods and remembers.
[14:36]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): Variety or therapy, or things I haven’t thought yet.
[14:36]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): But, I stayed that way because she did it, and I wasn’t going to just turn them off.
[14:37]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): *take them off
[14:37]  Mija Perfferle: ya… cheating out would just feel so wrong…
[14:37]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Then she came back and I thought she was going to release me, but she ended up leaving again. After about 10 days I puzzled my way out of them.
[14:37]  Mija Perfferle: SIGHS
[14:37]  ʎuuoɔ (niftynip.delicioso) is Offline
[14:38]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): I figured since that was a built in feature of the shackles, and she hadn’t told me NOT to do it, I had the option 😛
[14:38]  Sapphire (cam.boomhauer) is Offline
[14:38]  Lex Berchot nodsnodsnods.
[14:38]  Lex Berchot: why do you think Thalia kept relocking my shackles every so often Vanni 😉
[14:38]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): LOL
[14:39]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): So that was a limit I was very uncomfortable with, but as you said, Mija, I would have felt wrong just getting out of RLV and taking them off
[14:40]  Mija Perfferle: nods³
[14:40]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): Loyalty, to your Dominant, but to who you are too.
[14:40]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): nods
[14:40]  Mija Perfferle: depends…
[14:40]  Mija Perfferle: what you are
[14:40]  Mija Perfferle: i would say…
[14:40]  Mija Perfferle: a sub…
[14:40]  Mija Perfferle: or a slave
[14:41]  Mija Perfferle: how deep your commitment goes
[14:41]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Committment? What’s that in SL? 😛
[14:42]  Mija Perfferle: something important in a serious d/s relationship 😛
[14:42]  Lex Berchot: To given an idea .. face slapping is one of the things I explored quite a long time ago .. within SL, and yes I know it will not have the same impact (!) as it does have in RL, but the scene was very well played and rather .. emotional.. I am not even sure I would try that in RL but while emotional in SL it was also a quite way to explore
[14:42]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): I agree 🙂
[14:43]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Yeah, SL is a good way to push soft limits
[14:43]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): you can get an idea of how you would psychologically react before it happens in RL
[14:44]  Lex Berchot: What I got out of it was that I *could* do it within the contex of a scene …. without then the person slapping me around every single time lol, and without me not liking myself and the person … in fact I discovered with the build up of it within the scene and it actiing as a climax so to speak .. it made me drop deeper into the scene rather than lashing out.
[14:45]  Lex Berchot: admittedly if someone would still do that unprepared to me … I still break their fingers and have them with garlic butter in a provencale manner.
[14:45]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): mmmm
[14:45]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): I mean, how disgusting!
[14:45]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): WB Mariska
[14:46]  Lex Berchot throws a can of spam at Vanni
[14:46]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): ty
[14:46]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): lol
[14:46]  Nori Yazimoto: Welcome back crash..err Mari
[14:46]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): am i a cloud?
[14:47]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): I see you
[14:47]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): lol ty
[14:47]  Nori Yazimoto: your fine Mari
[14:47]  Elisandra Foxdale is Offline
[14:47]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): i was typin away in chat and nothing came thru
[14:48]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Welcome to SL 😛
[14:48]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): lol
[14:48]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Has anyone else had a smiliar experience with limits?
[14:48]  Lex Berchot: so who else would like to share if they had their limits push and how they affected them?
[14:48]  Lex Berchot grins at Vanni .. “oh snap…”
[14:48]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Jinx!
[14:49]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): hmmmm
[14:49]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): not exactly
[14:49]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): well not with nori
[14:49]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): Sure. If you’re not pushing limits, you have a very short fence around what you find pleasurable.
[14:50]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): i think we subs are ultimate pleasers
[14:50]  Lex Berchot: that really depends on what you find pleasurable … 😉
[14:50]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): if you cannot please someone else u are not happy and cannot find satisfaction
[14:50]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): lol i cant say
[14:51]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): Isn’t much of this working against convention to discover what can be pleasurable?
[14:51]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Pushing the limits to find new levels of pleasure, Caitlain?
[14:51]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): Part of it anyway.
[14:52]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): New or different.
[14:53]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): I do tend to think that if limits aren’t pushed to a degree, things can get pretty dull.
[14:53]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): i dont like dull lol
[14:53]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): “Hello, Mistress, will you have the usual?” “Yes, girl.”
[14:53]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): Anal sex was once am impassable barrier for me. Now, if you catch me right, when I’m exceedingly relaxed, it’s not.
[14:53]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): o we dont do that
[14:53]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli) commences the same 5 poses, three phrases and one groan.
[14:53]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): im a bossy big mouthed sub
[14:54]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Hi, Lucy!
[14:54]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): Hi Vannesh
[14:54]  Mija Perfferle: heya luc
[14:54]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): sorry I’m late 🙂
[14:54]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): We’re upstairs
[14:54]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): and i can unlock my collar lol
[14:54]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): hi Mij
[14:54]  Lex Berchot: Hey Lucy 🙂
[14:54]  Mija Perfferle: as always 😛
[14:54]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): hi everyeone
[14:54]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): haha
[14:54]  Mija Perfferle: ^^
[14:54]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): been out
[14:54]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): rl
[14:55]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): See that’s a good point Caitlain. Something that was “pretty much no” became an “ok now and then” thing…but I’m sure would still be a limit if it was tried a lot?
[14:55]  Mirella Dallagio is Offline
[14:56]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): I’m not normally that loose…physically or psychologically, and that only with my Dom husband.
[14:56]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): im pretty wound up myself
[14:56]  Lex Berchot: can I ask Caitlain, wh’s idea it was for the limit to be pusheD?
[14:56]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): So, you’re correct.
[14:57]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): His…and it took a lot of convincing.
[14:58]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): …a lot of assurance that under the correct circumstance that I could find it pleasurable.
[14:58]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): I hope you did! 😉
[14:58]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): I did.
[14:59]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): I’ll describe it, but suspect that it’s beyond the scope of the discussion. Suffice to say that when done correctly it’s everything they say.
[15:00]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli) grins “I’m glad to hear it!”
[15:00]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): Wasn’t the fcirst time, but third time….ooooooooooooo, huhhhhhhh.
[15:00]  Lex Berchot grins.
[15:01]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): I got over the mental hurdles.
[15:01]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): By the hundereth time it’s just amazing 😛
[15:01]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): er
[15:01]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): so I hear…
[15:01]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Hi Miss Kika, hi Jean!
[15:01]  Lex Berchot: Hello Miss Kika, Jean .. we’re upstairs 🙂
[15:01]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): …and he said as much, so I wasn’t surprised.
[15:02]  Jean Forhilde: hello E/everyone, I think my Mistress crashed
[15:02]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): It’s saved as the last act of a session so I’m very relaxed.
[15:03]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): That’s the best way
[15:03]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): …I’d never consider it…before I did.
[15:04]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): What about you Lucy? Have you had any limits pushed that turned out to be positive?
[15:04]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Welcome back, Miss Kika
[15:05]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): yes I have
[15:05]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): you want to know what it was?
[15:05]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): If you don’t mind sharing it
[15:05]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): sorry i’m catching up on the format
[15:05]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): I’m serving dinner, but if no one objects I’ll monitor the conversation……
[15:05]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): We’re talking about lmiits and pushing them, Miss.
[15:05]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): 🙂
[15:05]  Lex Berchot: basically talk when you want lucy 🙂
[15:05]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): No prob Caitlain
[15:06]  Lex Berchot: of course not Caitlain … 🙂
[15:06]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): sure, well it was blood play
[15:06]  Kika Yongho: Thanks Vanni
[15:06]  Lex Berchot: and welcome back Miss Kika 🙂
[15:06]  Kika Yongho: Thanks 🙂
[15:06]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Aha
[15:06]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): I really never considered it as an option before
[15:06]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): I found it repellant to be honest
[15:07]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): But you tried it?
[15:07]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): and then I found that I was with a partner who not only wanted it
[15:07]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): blood play????
[15:07]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): but was accomplished at it too
[15:07]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): yes
[15:07]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): cutting Mariska
[15:08]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): ew
[15:08]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): there you go
[15:08]  Mija Perfferle hides a chuckle
[15:08]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): a frontier for you
[15:08]  Jean Forhilde: excuse me I dunno if you have a rule when one want to ask a question or something ?
[15:09]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Just wait to an appopriate pause and ask, Jean 🙂
[15:09]  Jean Forhilde: ok, ty
[15:09]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): btw, was this in First Life or SL, lucy?
[15:09]  Jean Forhilde: so… what has been positive Lucy ?
[15:10]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): it changed my attitude
[15:10]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): opened my eyes to see something that was a definite no
[15:10]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): as a yes ok
[15:11]  Jean Forhilde: lol 🙂 ok
[15:11]  Kika Yongho: Never say never
[15:11]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): lets face it
[15:11]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): So we hear, Miss 🙂
[15:11]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): if someone can make it sexy
[15:11]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): while they do something that would have curdled milk
[15:12]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): it tends to change your perception
[15:12]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli) grins at lucy
[15:12]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): 🙂
[15:12]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): so yes
[15:13]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): that’s my 5 cents
[15:13]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): if its a turn on
[15:13]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): then hell yes
[15:13]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Thanks Lucy! 🙂
[15:13]  Jean Forhilde: true it’s always positive to be sure of something you wasn’t before
[15:13]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): That’s a great example!
[15:13]  Lex Berchot: 🙂
[15:13]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): What about Dom/mes that have had subs that wanted to have limits pushed that the Dom/me was uncomfortable with? Or switches with subs?
[15:15]  ʎuuoɔ (niftynip.delicioso) is Offline
[15:15]  Jean Forhilde: limits of the sub you mean, or limits of the Dom/me ?
[15:15]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): The sub wanted to do something that the Dom/me found troubling or to His/Her limits of what they like to do
[15:16]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): I have one of those
[15:16]  Jean Forhilde: ok, Dom/me limits then
[15:16]  otter Braveheart is Offline
[15:16]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): but its kinda different really
[15:16]  Kika Yongho: Well from my experience with a sub that asks you to push their limits over your own there is a basic problem of compatibility or topping from the bottom
[15:17]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): we had this RP going on confinement in isolation
[15:17]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): That’s a good point Miss
[15:17]  Jean Forhilde: hmm, I think it’s not topping to ask for it Mistress
[15:17]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): trouble was it impinged on what had been a real life abusive situation
[15:17]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): so it failed
[15:18]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Ow, I’m sorry to hear that Lucy
[15:18]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): Me too
[15:18]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): u OK in rl now?
[15:18]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): me, fine
[15:19]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): good 🙂
[15:19]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): it was my Domme who had the issue
[15:19]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): o
[15:19]  Lex Berchot: may I ask, when the issue arose lucy, and it was clear the rp had failed; how was the situation dealed with?
[15:20]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): To Jean’s point, I think it can be topping from the bottom if the sub is being pushy with it, but not necessarily if the sub just asks for it.
[15:20]  Jean Forhilde nods
[15:21]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): I think that the issue then is on the style of dommeing
[15:21]  Lex Berchot: I agree, at one play with a new Dom in RL .. I begged for a harder flogging than I got … then the dom was comfortable with ……
[15:21]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): HI ladies!
[15:22]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Hi Miss Cori, hi Mai! We’re upstairs
[15:22]  Lex Berchot: he eventually decided that I had enough and called an end to the scene … However i didn’t push him to go further than he wanted. I accepted that it was his call to make.
[15:22]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): thx!
[15:22]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): my personal experience is that there are two types of relationship
[15:22]  Corphaelia Ninetails: splice the mainbrace
[15:22]  Corphaelia Ninetails: 🙂
[15:23]  Lex Berchot: Hello Mai, Miss Corphaelia
[15:23]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): hellooo 🙂
[15:23]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): lol attacked by a comfy chair
[15:23]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): lol
[15:23]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): grins
[15:25]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): I had a Domme friend that had a male sub that was into real extreme humiliation, and wanted to get into it after they had gotten together. And it was way more than my friend wanted to do.
[15:25]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Stuff like spitting, wracking with nails, peeing, etc.
[15:25]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): and he turned into a basket case when he wasn’t getting what he wanted.
[15:25]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): And eventually left
[15:25]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): which I thought was the best thing
[15:26]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): left sl?
[15:26]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): No, left her, and I guess went to find a Domme more to his liking
[15:26]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): sounds like a few characters we’ve all met in SL, Vanni 🙂 we talking the ones who get huffy if no-one’s paying them attention?
[15:26]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): We’re talking more about limits, Mai, and pushing them.
[15:26]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): ha ha that could be me
[15:27]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): kk
[15:27]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): I had asked if any Dom/mes had had subs that had wanted to push the Dom/mes limits and comfort zones
[15:27]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Like what happened with my friend.
[15:28]  Corphaelia Ninetails: i usually find it the dominants who push the limits are is their nature and duty
[15:28]  Jean Forhilde: to make a comment on your example Vanni, I think that’s a point they should have discussed before… dunno if they had
[15:28]  Kika Yongho: Jean you dont discuss every point before
[15:28]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): He was too busy being all romantic before, Jean 😛
[15:28]  Kika Yongho: More during a relationship
[15:30]  Jean Forhilde: well, that’s not ‘every point’, if it caused the end of the relationship, seems it was an important point that should have been discussed
[15:30]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Well, Miss,I think he should have discussed that with her before, as it was pretty extreme and turned out to be a make-or-break with him.
[15:30]  Kika Yongho: I wish it was so easy
[15:30]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): It turned out he had been in a bisexual family where he had been raped and prostituted.
[15:30]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): oh god
[15:30]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Yeah…
[15:30]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): dman
[15:30]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): damn
[15:31]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): poor man
[15:32]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): (that was in SL Mariska, and it seemed he enjoyed that kind of RP)
[15:32]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): o sorry i thought u meant rl
[15:32]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): was afk a bit
[15:32]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Oh no, although it wouldn’t have surprised me if he had had a rather troubled childhood
[15:35]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Thank You for coming Miss Kika, please be well 🙂
[15:35]  Kika Yongho: Jean you can steal the comfy chair 😀 – Wish you all a nice discussion and thanks Vanni for the invite 😀
[15:35]  Lex Berchot: bye Miss Kika 🙂
[15:35]  Jean Forhilde: thank you Mistress
[15:35]  Corphaelia Ninetails: waves
[15:35]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): bye
[15:35]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): byee
[15:35]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): Be well.
[15:36]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren) returns.
[15:36]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): wb!
[15:36]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): Thanks.
[15:36]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): anyone else have an interesting experience with limit pushing?
[15:36]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia) ponders
[15:37]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): I’ve discovered limits, I guess, in the time i’ve been in SL
[15:38]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): for myself, there’s 2 total no-no’s — incest play and kiddyplay, and once,
[15:38]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): a domme tried to REALLY push me to do it – play a ‘role – for her,
[15:38]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): kiddyplay?
[15:38]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): i said ‘uh, no’, and got a torrent of abuse about the ‘right to kink’
[15:39]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): child play, underage play
[15:39]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): i had no idea that this person was into it,
[15:39]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): oh I know what it is 😉 I was wondering if that’s what the Domme was trying to get you into
[15:39]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): (long long time ago btw),
[15:39]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): yes it was
[15:39]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): very subtly
[15:40]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): but on all the occasions i’ve said ‘no’ to those proposals i always get the ‘ i have a right to my kink’ speech
[15:40]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): “right to kink?” is that like the divine right thing?
[15:40]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): that seemed to be the idea
[15:41]  Lex Berchot: guess she didn’t seem to get that just because she may have a right to her kink … that doesn’t give her the right to push her kink onto others.
[15:41]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): i was called small-minded for not changing into a 9-year old av
[15:41]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): agreed
[15:41]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): lol, a Dom/me telling me that he/she has the right to go over my hard limits would find themslves without a sub really fast
[15:41]  Vanilla Meili is Offline
[15:42]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): fast Boot and Ban!
[15:42]  Lex Berchot: isn’t that against the SL TOS anyway?
[15:42]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): Totally
[15:42]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): yes
[15:43]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): and it’s reportable
[15:43]  Jean Forhilde: no, it’s againt ToS on PG sims
[15:43]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): i thought on all
[15:43]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): doesn’t sound right to me
[15:43]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): any and all childplay in an ‘adult’ context is totally banned across sl
[15:43]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): I think its a flat out ban
[15:43]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): I’m pretty sure too
[15:43]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): yes
[15:43]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): PG, Mature, Adult – the lot
[15:44]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): I remember the childplay advocates howling about that one
[15:44]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): I’m only into shrubbery play now
[15:44]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): lol
[15:44]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): LL
[15:44]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): a shrubbery!!!
[15:44]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): lol
[15:44]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): ni
[15:44]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Hello Domina!
[15:44]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): we are the subs who say “ni”
[15:45]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): ni!
[15:45]  Mija Perfferle: ni like ni ni mai? 😛
[15:45]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): welcome Mastress
[15:45]  Lex Berchot: ni!
[15:45]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): ni!
[15:45]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): hello all.
[15:45]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy) smiles warmly
[15:45]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): lol so who’s going to do the Fish Slapping Dance for us now!
[15:45]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): As long as it’s not the sub slapping dance!
[15:45]  Lex Berchot: I had a fish mai … but I eatened it.
[15:46]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): this parrot is dead
[15:46]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): huh?
[15:46]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): not: a shrubbery but… a subbery!
[15:46]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): lol
[15:46]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy) chuckles, I like that, mai.
[15:46]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): 😀
[15:46]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’
[15:46]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’
[15:46]  Verificando: Could not find animation ‘MordidaVamp’
[15:46]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’.
[15:46]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’.
[15:46]  Verificando: Could not find animation ‘MordidaVamp’.
[15:46]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’
[15:46]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’
[15:46]  Verificando: Could not find animation ‘MordidaVamp’
[15:46]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’.
[15:46]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’.
[15:46]  Verificando: Could not find animation ‘MordidaVamp’.
[15:47]  Mija Perfferle likes to see her friend on the knees offering Miss Dorry her seat
[15:47]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): Vanni: is there a case for maybe.. subs saying ‘these are my limits’ for RP, followed by ‘and these are my HARD limits, do not cross’
[15:47]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’
[15:47]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’
[15:47]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’
[15:47]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): 😛 mija!
[15:47]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’
[15:47]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’
[15:47]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’
[15:47]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’
[15:47]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy) waits for things to rez.
[15:47]  Object: Could not find animation ‘convert’.
[15:47]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia) watches the Mastress get eaten by the seat
[15:47]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): please pardon Me if I am sluggish .. My system is well .. arcane.
[15:47]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): So as we need to wind this down (sorry to E/everyone that came in recently) are there any other ideas on pushing limits and how they can be enjoyable for all parties?
[15:48]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): have you discussed a scale?
[15:48]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Hmmm No, Mastress, how do You mean?
[15:49]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): sort of part of the checklist.
[15:49]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): where the question is asked .. how much do you want your limits here pushed?
[15:49]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Aha
[15:49]  Mija Perfferle: or…
[15:49]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): it can give an indicationas to hat direction the sub is looking to be sent.
[15:49]  Mija Perfferle: how much do you trust your owner and how blurry will your limits get in time?
[15:50]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): this is of course, for new D/s situations.
[15:50]  Lex Berchot: there is absolutely that Mija 🙂
[15:50]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): That is a good point, limits do tend to blur as trust and confidence in the relationship grows
[15:50]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): as least soft limits
[15:50]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): it assumes
[15:50]  Mija Perfferle: every limit i would say
[15:50]  Mija Perfferle: first the soft one… and in time…
[15:50]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): precisely, which is why I mentioned the Checklist .. cause it is an initial informant
[15:50]  Mija Perfferle: what limit?
[15:50]  Jean Forhilde agrees : “kind of I wouldn’t like it but I’d do for my owner”
[15:50]  Mija Perfferle: smiles
[15:51]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): that the sub knows all the options that they can possibly enjoy
[15:51]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Well, regardless of how happy I was in a D/s relationhip, I’m NOT going to be a human toilet, or do ageplay 😛
[15:51]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): for example
[15:51]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): I gave a hard limit I went over
[15:51]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): there will always be hard limits.
[15:51]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): do tell, lucy? 😉
[15:51]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): how could/would I have known I would enjoy it?
[15:51]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): but, I wold say No limit is final.
[15:52]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): I know Lucy, but I’m still not going to be a human topilet, ever 😉
[15:52]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Tbat’s just me. I certainly don’t expect others to follow up on my line of thinking.
[15:52]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): yes .. time, perspective, partner, trust .. change many things.
[15:52]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): Hybridz sell that av, Vanni, LOL
[15:52]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): LOL
[15:52]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): should add Experience in there.
[15:53]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): for other sides.
[15:53]  lucy Nijan (lucy.horton): maybe Vannesh, but that wasn’t what was at stake
[15:53]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): and leave it to mai, to know that is sold, and where.
[15:53]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy) rolls Her eyes.
[15:53]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): 😀
[15:53]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli) giggles and winks at Mai
[15:53]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): hehehe
[15:53]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): dirty lil doll.
[15:54]  Mija Perfferle: lawl
[15:54]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia) raises an eyebrow at Mija
[15:54]  Mija Perfferle bites lips was not meee and points to luc!
[15:55]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): but, back to the topic ..
[15:55]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): i’m dying to know what luc’s limit was :3
[15:55]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): to be enjoyed by both sides .. there needs to be dialog.
[15:55]  Spiroson Homewood is Offline
[15:55]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): communication.
[15:55]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): else, neither side will know what is, is not, or might beenjoyed.
[15:56]  Lex Berchot: Well I think we can wrap it up here 🙂 I thank everyone for attending and sharing their thoughts, stories and feelings and ideas.
[15:56]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): communication builds trust and experience.
[15:56]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): awwww
[15:56]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): sorry we were so late!
[15:56]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): everything else falls into place from there.
[15:56]  Lex Berchot: if you want to continue chatting about this … please stay and feel free. 🙂
[15:56]  Mastress Dorry (dorrian.tracy): thank you Lex!
[15:56]  Mariska (mariska.lordhunter): crashed again sorry
[15:57]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): wb!
[15:57]  Jean Forhilde: take care E/everyone 🙂
[15:57]  Lex Berchot: I believe the next much is next week …. then we are back to our normal biweekly schedule…
[15:57]  Caitlain.McCarren (caitlainmccarren): Goodbye Jean. Be well.
[15:57]  mai Nijan (mariko.demonia): 🙂
[15:57]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): Yes, next week I’ll lead a discussion on collecting and dom/me shopping
[15:57]  Jean Forhilde: bye
[15:57]  Lex Berchot: if you have ideas …. or want to present a munch on the tpopic yourself .. just poke Vanni or me and we can arrange something 🙂
[15:57]  Vanni Cannoli (vannesh.cannoli): or “what to do when you meet that person with LOTS more people”