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It’s been a rather busy week and quite a busy weekend of sorts, although a good weekend of sorts. One that certainly ended on a spectacular high note. Yes it sounds cryptic. I know . Some who will know me better in Second Life will know what I am on about. As I mentioned last week, I promised to write about two topics. Speech restrictions, which I did last week. To my surprise, I had a lot more to write about it (okay, it really should not have been a surprise), then I initially thought, so much instead that I never even got around to writing about mantra’s. Mostly because by the time I largely got done with writing about speech restrictions, I was nearly hitting sixteen hundred words, which by any stretch of the imaginations is a good amount for a weekly blog.

Thus I decided to forego the writing about mantras and save that for this week instead. Though due to circumstances (more about that later) and probably slightly bad planning on my part, I did not get around to actually writing this.

So perhaps a little bit of a day later, and I am pounding out the words. One of the advantages of a train journey is that you can sit down and think exactly what you want to write. I decided early on that I was going to expand on the subject and not just write about mantra’s, although they form an important part of this blog. I was also going to write about conditioning.

Why? Because, I think that they both are quite close related. Of course mantra’s are in a way part of conditioning someone or a set of behaviours. So I will start by delving a little bit into what conditioning is and can do, before switching to the specifics of mantra’s.

So onwards and upwards (downwards, spiralling?)
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Or how to train a submissive to react without using words.

Everyone, at least quite likely, knows about non-verbal communication. It is after all what we do every day, a lot of the time even without us being aware of doing it. It is so common and normal to us, in the same way that it is for us to speak. “hold on” you’ll say; I know when I speak. This is of course true. Yes you are aware of you speaking, you can hear the sound, you give form to thoughts. But how often do you stop and think about the process of speaking, how air is pushed out past our voice box, how that vibrates and those vibrations that give form to sounds, how we further manipulate those sounds with our mouth and tongue. That is what I mean with ‘not being aware’.

Truth is, our language as much formed by what we say, as by what we do not say, but by what we show. We use our body in its entirety to express a multitude of non spoken clues to convey meaning to what we say with facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, posture, and tone of voice—that that quite often speak the loudest.

So, no while I do not want to talk about that kind of non verbal communication, or even suggesting that that can be trained (I am sure to a degree it can but I think there is a whole lot of reactions we do very subconsciously, and that would be pretty hard to over ride with training). So if that is not what I want to talk about?

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It’s been an strange week. Busy as hell, and real life events beyond my control have left me rather upset and reeling and disappointed in some things. But I am not going to go into them here on my blog. Mostly because I do not want this, mostly because I can not act reasonable and get very angry about this. Perhaps sensory depredation is a solution for this, but that could be just wishful thinking.

As some may have seen though, this blog is written in the first person. Several people (you both know who you are) having expressed their notion about this and I think that writing in the first person makes me both write faster and being more able to express my ideas, and they are after all my ideas and as such I will them express. Writing in the third person is fun but it is sometimes also a challenge to express my views adequately. Thus back to normal hammering out the words it will be.

I have been having a lot of thoughts lately with regards BDSM, learning new things, learning new ways of looking at things. One of these things that I got from this was the realisation that some of the ways I react, it is perhaps not the healthiest way, an understandable way perhaps, but not healthy. I am also doing a fair amount of self-domination. And that is what I am writing about this week.

Self domination. The act where you are controlling your emotions, and actions. Rather then trusting in your dominant to have that control. I am not talking about giving up the control to breathe, or to keep your temper (although there is something to be said for there). That would be much more in the realm of self control, even though breathing is a bad example because that is an autonomous response.

Anyway, …

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Nothing to say

Well I was planning to write on Friday. But the attacks in Paris stopped that right in its track. Much like many others around the world I could only stare at the television, dumbfounded in shock. It’s tragic. I really have no words for it. So I am not going to write about that. I have so many thoughts about that, ranging from anger to sadness. But perhaps another day. When I am more coherent. When I can put my thoughts in order. Not today. Not this week.

I am going to be honest, I do not thing that I have it in me this week to write a blog. With my energy sapped by not feeling well on Saturday and having very little sleep I just do not have it in me to come up with anything.

Trust me, I have tried.
Seems I have failed

please have a good one all.
See you next week.

lexi

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So for once in the last few weeks I am actually writing on a Sunday. Not my entirely plan. Wait, what? Sit down, let me explain. I was actually planning to be good for once and write on the Saturday. Sadly I had to go and be all energetic during the day and for the afternoon I geared myself for a battle with the local telco.

And while that particular episode came to a good end eventually it meant that I felt by the time I cam home I had been running around all day. Which in reality – I had. But I was absolutely exhausted and not much good for anything.

So, I am at least planning to get a proportion of my writing done on this Sunday evening. Although by the looks of it and due to general tiredness it seems my plans are mislaid. I will have to finish my blog tomorrow. I only have come as far as the first two hundred words, the best laid plans of kittens and such.
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Well good evening,

Well at the end of the day I have managed to quickly throw together a blog that is in someways more personal then you might want to know. If you do not like to know these things, I fully understand that and you may want to turn away and read something else.

Wow, that sounds a lot more heavy then I intended, okay, I admit it’s a lot of personal questions (eleven at least that talk about a fair bit about my sexual preferences). That should get your attention, you bunch of perverts.

But okay, I managed to get quickly a blog done. With being too tired and hampered by having no Internet (granted that is not an overly valid excuse). So instead of sitting around at home and moping about it, I decided that since the weather was nice that I would go out and have a nice ride. And it’s been the first ride in a long time and I enjoyed myself

So as I said, some questions with answers about me:
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The mind is a wonderful thing that can easily be distracted. My mind in that sense is no different. It seems almost if I am focused on procrastination to the point where I have to choice. One of these interesting symptoms is that I actually tend to start to look for things that make my life rather much more easier. By looking for things to make myself more productive, I am waisting precious time that I can use for something entirely else.

Writing in this case is for me not an entirely different animal. Often I will spend time to look for word processors that have that one feature that I really want, or that I have discovered. So, also this week. As I have mentioned before; one of my favourite mobile writing tools is Jotterpad. Frankly if I could combine Jotterpad and Abiword with a dash of vim thrown in in, I would probably, at least for me, have the most perfect writing environment. Well until I find a new feature that is.

One of the new features I found in Jotterpad this week (much thanks to the fact of joining the beta testing group) is what is commonly known as a typewriter mode. This means that your text will remain constant in the middle of the screen while that which you have written scrolls away to the top of the paper, reminiscent of the typewriters of old (I really still want a writing corner with a dedicated typewriter, even though I’d be horrid on it). Such is this desire that I just have spend the larger proportion of half an hour looking for other editors that do this, or failing that, how to make that happen within Abiword. Time that I could have used to write instead.

But, I need to get something of my chest tonight. And this time it has little to do with actually BDSM, or with Virtual worlds. It has all to do with the real world:
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