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So, yes, it’s been very quiet on my blog. It seems the writing had gotten a bit in a rut over the last month plus. Whether this is a good thing or not, I don’t know. I love to say that soon I will return to regular blogging, however I loathe to make claims I would be unwilling to keep.

Likewise, the saying that the thought about writing is never far from my mind, would at best be a half truth. In part it is true. Bit thinking about writing only gets you so far. Doing it is the real test. And it is a test that I perhaps with shocking regularity seem to fail.

On the other hand, writing in many ways has become a chore. Something that had to be done, rather something that I wanted to do. Whether that is because I was ordered, because I had things to share, is perhaps a lesser concern then the fact that I enjoyed doing it.

Maybe not the struggle, but certainly the finished product. The efforts of my labour. However that has become less and less over the last year and a half. The new job (if you can talk about new, still) is challenging, and the longer commute certainly drain my energy.

To spend several hours agonising about what to write and to write had come to symbolise an expenditure of energy that at times is hard to justify to myself. Sometimes the weekend is just not long enough to waste that energy. Don’t get me wrong, I love my current job, and I’m learning more and new things each day.

But something just had to give. And this, my blog had been one of the few. So, where does that leave me? Is this goodbye, shall this place and I fade slowly into that dark night? Why, yes, I have a flair for the dramatic.

To answer that question….
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A couple of years ago, I was talking to a dominant in second life, and we seemed to get on. He certainly was nice enough. However after a while, and a few meetings and playing, I stopped seeing him. Why?

The entire notion of what happened came down to one thing really (a few others as well but those were not of such a severity that they couldn’t be overcome): The reason was this; he was definitely too nice.

I know this may sound strange, but it is the reason. When I expressed this thought to friends, some understood, some did not. Trying to explain myself did not entirely work, so perhaps in the peace and quiet while writing I have better success in achieving this.

The first question really is: Do I not like nice people? The answer is: of course I do. I love nice and warm people. I love being cuddled, having my hair played with, and other displays of affection.  Just like any other person, like any human being, I love being treated well, with respect. Being loved is a beautiful privilege.

As I mentioned before, I adore display of affection. Being a submissive my definition of what constitutes this, may perhaps be a bit different from what other (okay, vanilla) people will see as affection. Kneeling in front of someone, being allowed to kiss their feet, a firm grip in my neck, or a hand in the small of my back guiding me, are only but a few of the ways that make me feel cherished and loved.

So, given all of the above, why would I not appreciate someone who is nice to me. This is because I left out an important distinction. I do not like people being nice to me within the context of a BDSM scene.
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Busy, busy, busy. That is pretty much the way it somehow seems to best describe my love as of late. In have not been much in a mood for writing ( yes, the age old dilemma rearing its ugly head once again); not in the least helped by the fact that last weekend I needed to recover much from the weekend before where I sadly needed to work, due to unforeseen circumstances. Luckily I managed to get a few posts written, this one being one of them.

A touch too late but better late then never. And above all I wanted to write. So this post has actually been a couple of weeks in the making and I decided to finish it tonight.

In my blog ‘Trained to Talk‘, (admittedly something that I really enjoyed writing, both in form and in subject, but digressing!),  the lady Gotham left a comment asking the following:

I think that gender plays a role here in that being submissive to a Mistress is very different than being submissive to a Master. I am a Mistress and I have had submissives of both genders respectively; not at the same time. However, it was a very different experience. I preferred the female slave however it’s a delicate balance either way. Can you speak to the gender issue please in terms of the submissive point of view.”

Lady Gotham, on December 25, 2015 at 5:37 pm

I have long pondered this question, and wondered what to exactly say about this. Perhaps in part as this was not entirely clear in my own mind what the question was. Not at least because the whole gender on submission question, is something that that feels like a much bigger topic then one that I could answer in a single blog post.So why write about it regardless? Mostly, if not completely by the sheer fact that it has been awhile since lady Gotham asked her question. But I promised that in I would write about it, and while my timing is entirely off ( nothing new there, eh) I will keep to my promise.

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One hour, one blog. How hard can this be. Time to switch on some classical music. and pound the keyboard. I am not sure what to write about tonight. I am still fighting some reluctance about writing. So in this case, I have determined I will write. Whatever my mind is going to come up with and whatever the direction this is going to take in.

For me at the moment, the act of writing itself and getting words on paper is far more important then making sense. Well not entirely, but I hope that you get what I am referring to. To write, to put the effort in, to do it, or in short – here’s your screen, your parchment; now shut up and write.

And yes, as was said last week in reaction to my blog: Write when you want, when you feel you have something to say. I honestly wish that I could. If that would be the case, then i would probably never write. There are always other things that I can find to be doing.

And, writing is something that takes practice and nurturing. It is no surprise that my writing much improved over the time that I was with Mistress. At the same time there is a decline after this much time being left unchecked.  Heck I probably have been writing alone without her reading them since mid 2013 give or take. So by and large, that is not bad going.

It also means, that a lot of my writing, as much as it actually pains me to say, are my own. Yes she, my Mistress, may have given the incentive, even the encouragement to get me to write.  But the lion share of the work, the blood and tears that I have shed in my battle with the words are mine and mine alone. I try to take some pride in that, some solace even perhaps?
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As some may notice it’s been a while since I last wrote. The twenty-sixth of January to be precise. That is a very long time. There are some reasons for it which I will explain in this blog post. This will however not be a long one.

More then anything I am forcing myself to write. Does that sound weird? It does a little bit. After all I am so apt to say that since this is my blog, so therefore my rules. Yet, it is that I find vehemently disagree with myself. Truth to be told – I disagree often enough with everyone else, why should I be of any difference?

Truth is, I do like to write to an extent. Sure, I struggle with it at times, but you know, I am not really ready yet to throw the towel in. The whole once a week thing may have to stop but time will tell on that. It does get harder over time to find something to write about.

Still, yes, I love writing and I love seeing people like my writing. It’s also been nearly four years since I started writing in earnest on this blog. As many may recall, I did have a blog prior to that but I wrote only sporadically on it. In 2009, Mistress, … yes, in my mind she is still my Mistress. I know, I took her collar off, I know she has not been in world for such a very very long time. Nor has she reacted to emails or IM’s on google talk. But, I have mentioned this so many times before.

Yet, yet I can not pull myself away from what I feel. How I feel about her. Is this fair? Fair to whom? To me, to others? I do not know. I know very much that I am not ready to move on perhaps. On the other hand, I may just as well clinging to the remnants, dwelling in the past as they say. I do not know what.  It does not help that I just realised that it is pretty much exactly four years ago (give or take 4 days) since I started blogging.
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Right, tonight I want to talk to you all about something that has been getting on my beef for the last few weeks. Bad dominants, and yes this topic will probably will lead probably quite a bit in to a rant. But before I delve into the topic, I will say this: There are some wonderful dominants out there, that I am truly honoured and blessed to know and have played with.

So; what would I call a good dominant? Someone who knows they are dominant (well, yes) but can also act on that without being an arrogant arse. For me, you can be dominant without showing this off by carrying multiple whips or several cuffs (dreaded Dom belt anyone?), or, Bastet forbids, trying to dominate and control everyone in a 10 meter radius. Dominant is about attitude, yes. But you can carry that attitude quietly, in your bearing, in your behaviour.

A dominant for me is one,  who displays care, love even for their charges, who listens to a submissives wants and needs and that do not disregard what the submissive said without a thought. Who is sure of themselves and does not feel a need to beat their chest to prove it.

So where would I start on what a bad dominant is. Oh boy, I think I am spoilt for choice. I think in the last few weeks, I have had more then my fair share of bad dominants. So I want to talk about this a bit more in-depth and why the idea that this is a bad thing.

I do feel I need to emphasise that this is not written about a hate for dominants, or that I think that all dominants are bastards and wrong to begin with. As I will point out in the end of this blog, there are certain situations where us submissives are just as well as fault as the dominants for creating this. I can not stress this enough. This is just something I have ran into with various dominants online in the last few weeks.

There is perhaps a reason why this has happened mostly with online dominants, although I will admit that my interactions with BDSM these days are mainly confined to that medium. However I do know that these things do happen in real life just as easy. Perhaps at times real life communities are a little bit better at weeding out the bad and the miserable so to speak.

So the best format I could come up with for writing this blog in, is in the form of a list. Kind of like the questions and answer  format that I just adore because it makes writing so easier. Thus I have spend the last twenty (okay forty-five with being side tracked) minutes setting out my outline for this blog (at the time of writing, as I wrote this over two days);

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This slave has been asked, as part of her training, and to show this slaves submission to deliver a blog written in its entirely in the third person.

As this slave loves assignments such as this, she complied readily. Both because this slave wants to show that she can do as this slave has been requested, and because this slave loves the challenge. Plus having something and someone to write for is always easier. So very much easier. Knowing what to write or who to write for is in parts half the battle

And yet this slave is at the same time, somewhat apprehensive with regards to this. This is really the first time that this slave had done something like his: the writing of a blog in third person. This slave has written assignments of others instead, but it is a long time since this slave has been writing anything that is so directly connected to this slave dealing with others, okay with this slave’s life and training.

This slave also knows, or perhaps better expects that there will be some of my readers who very much will dislike this slaves blog as they do not approve of the writing style. This slave will not say whether this will be a singular occurrence or something that will happen more often over time.

Time will tell, this slave already notices that writing in the third person requires a slight adjustment in writing style so far.

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