Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Relationship’ Category

Hi everyone. The world has been left, right and centre in many, many different ways and as most people have known, it was rather quiet on my blogging front. Nearly a year has passed since I decided that I wanted or need a break from blogging.  A lot of real life stuff took over and as someone said: Write whenever you feel like it, write because you want to, not because you feel you are made to (hah!).

The truth of the matter is, I did just that. I realised that blogging in the first place was taking up a significant portion of my time at that moment and that something in my life had to give. I have always felt very two ways about blogging (well, perhaps three ways even or more. I am nothing but entirely complex). The blog really took off as a something that my then dominant, Miss Tungsten wanted. But after she sadly disappeared out of my life – it became harder and harder to maintain that, even more so once I removed my collar.

On the other hand, I also maintained that this blog was mine and mine alone, and all done by my hand. This is, and remains as always true. So both statements are in fact a truth (if nothing else from a certain point of view), if not somewhat in contradictory with each other. However, it does and remains my blog, and yes while it was Miss Tungsten that made me write, it also is my thoughts and actions that does it, but the motivation of trying to please her was always there. Even when she was no longer with me. I know, I know my mind has a tendency to cling to things way after they should have come to pass.

So, you might thus wonder, what made this break my self imposed silence? Well, as I sort of alluded to, things have been changing a little bit, or a lot, depending on your view. It is been a long time since Miss Tungsten left my side, and it took me a very long time to get over this and past that. With that being said, I think by and large I am slowly starting to come out of my rut a little bit. I know there are those among you who have been watching me (hi there!), with a certain, perhaps trepidation and weariness whether the steps I am taking are the right ones. I know they are doing this only because they care and worry about me. Much as I have done so for countless other people in the past; holding their hands as they make tentative steps out in to the light again.

One of them asked me, if I would consider writing a blog, or a personal essay, regarding my experiences the last view months on what I have experienced. Being a submissive that has come out of a prolonged relationship, especially a deeper D/s relationship; what anxieties and pitfalls can you encounter, both internally and externally when starting to dip your toes back into the murky waters of dating new potential dominant partners.

(more…)

Read Full Post »

It does not make easy writing when you know you are in the dog house. It puts a damper on everything and colours your perception, your mood, your motivation and drive.  But, having to choose between writing and be further in trouble for delaying posting later then a Sunday, I much rather pound out the words, write whatever is on my heart, rather then get myself into even more deeper trouble. One bucket, load, amount, of ire is really more then I can handle at the moment.

A perhaps small word of warning. Normally when I write, I do write by and large in general terms, about topics, about things that I know of, that interest me, or things that I am exploring. Tonight in that sense is going to be a little bit different. Tonight this blog post is going to be deeply and utterly personal. It is something that weights heavily on my mind and has been for the past few days.

As many may have noticed, I written recently about speaking restrictions. Obviously as noted, a topic that is close to my heart and I have written blogs in the past where I have written in the third person, however abandoned that for the time being by writing in the first person. I think that may continue for now, based on discussion that I have had.

However, for those that know me in the virtual world of Second Life, know that for the last few weeks I have switched to a very high protocol form of speaking, a rather more restricted form of the common third person speak as is often seen. There are reasons for that, I am sure all of you can guess these.

The problem with that, that this is much harder for me, rather then just speaking in the the third person. I am endeavouring and doing my best not to screw up but, it seems every so often, or even so very often, I make a total mess of it and screw up beyond my palest dreams. It sucks, it really does. I know part of why it happens, what causes it. I am not sure how I can stop it, bar fighting my own mind and conditioning it and training it to work with me, rather then against me.

When I write, write like I do now, I don’t even look at my screen. I can even type all of this with my eyes closed. In that way, it is almost like my mind is passing a stream of consciousness straight  from my fingers, straight through my keyboard. In a way by passing any realistic mental filters. This of course translates into Second Life where my mind is my mouth in so many ways.

I am not saying this is at all right, but I am just letting my mind doing the thinking and talking. As I have said before; this blog is as much exploration, research and explanation of things. Writing for me is, as often a tool to teach and explain, a tool to help understand myself better.

(more…)

Read Full Post »

It’s been a rather busy week and quite a busy weekend of sorts, although a good weekend of sorts. One that certainly ended on a spectacular high note. Yes it sounds cryptic. I know . Some who will know me better in Second Life will know what I am on about. As I mentioned last week, I promised to write about two topics. Speech restrictions, which I did last week. To my surprise, I had a lot more to write about it (okay, it really should not have been a surprise), then I initially thought, so much instead that I never even got around to writing about mantra’s. Mostly because by the time I largely got done with writing about speech restrictions, I was nearly hitting sixteen hundred words, which by any stretch of the imaginations is a good amount for a weekly blog.

Thus I decided to forego the writing about mantras and save that for this week instead. Though due to circumstances (more about that later) and probably slightly bad planning on my part, I did not get around to actually writing this.

So perhaps a little bit of a day later, and I am pounding out the words. One of the advantages of a train journey is that you can sit down and think exactly what you want to write. I decided early on that I was going to expand on the subject and not just write about mantra’s, although they form an important part of this blog. I was also going to write about conditioning.

Why? Because, I think that they both are quite close related. Of course mantra’s are in a way part of conditioning someone or a set of behaviours. So I will start by delving a little bit into what conditioning is and can do, before switching to the specifics of mantra’s.

So onwards and upwards (downwards, spiralling?)
(more…)

Read Full Post »

Well, all good plans and all that are always going amiss. I was planning to actually write a story this weekend. Well for that I first needed permission. See I believe that if you are writing about persons, or at least if you write a story where a person is involved in or based upon, whether this is a true thing, or a fantasy, you need to ask them permission. It is the right thing to do. The closer you are, the more this is an ethical thing to do in writing.

Sure, sure, you can just go the general route, make up some names, change a few things and include the almighty “all persons fiction disclaimer” disclaimer, then again, while it may be safe, I think in this case it would largely be a cop-out. Especially as it is based on someone whom I interact with quite a bit these days.

So where is that story then? Well, as I said, good plans and all that: I started writing and half way through the writing I felt that I needed to set up a structure. What I had in my mind to paper so to speak, how the events were going to unfold more or less (yes, call it a god complex, which writer does not have it).  So after setting that out and dividing the various scenes, chapters and acts, or however you want to call them, I started to get to work on writing things and let my characters tell their story.

Turns out they had a lot more to tell then I thought. Who would have think that my characters are as talkative as me. So after writing a good sixteen hundred words, I finished writing the first act, I looked at the time. See, I had given myself until eight o’clock this evening to get the story finished. Clearly with the length and the events that need to take place, that is never going to happen. Sadly this is the truth of the matter, that I need to recognise my limitation in this.

 

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Last week I was asked a question, or rather I was the one who asked for a topic, and the answer was posted as a statement; something to think about. This statement was: “A topic I’ve been thinking about lately has been about how familiarity breeds contempt. Is there a benefit in maintaining a formality to a strictly D/s relationship and refining casual banter/restricting such speech…

This lead to this blogpost, which is admittedly a rewording of this topic that I wrote earlier this week, changed and expanded on it in further discussions. I asked and was allowed to share this blog post with you all. So here goes. The idea itself has actually been plaguing on my mind a lot last week, though writing this did help me to gain at least some perspective on the topic. Still the various thoughts and all that kept ruining through my mind all of this week. It does take time occasionally for me to really grasp a topic that I have been asked to think about in depth and realise the implications of them.

The question is: does familiarity breed indeed contempt? To answer that question, research has to start at the beginning. In this case, what does the sentence actually mean, or where does it even come from? The origin of the saying lies in Aesop’s FableThe Fox and the Lion

When first the Fox saw the Lion he was terribly frightened, and ran away and hid himself in the wood. Next time however he came near the King of Beasts he stopped at a safe distance and watched him pass by. The third time they came near one another the Fox went straight up to the Lion and passed the time of day with him, asking him how his family were, and when he should have the pleasure of seeing him again; then turning his tail, he parted from the Lion without much ceremony.

(more…)

Read Full Post »

This blog, has been a while in the making, mostly because of a single sentence that was uttered to this girl during play. As such things go, it did stick in her head, and from that single seed this blog grew. If that was where the seed was planted, then why has this taken so long to come to fruition?

As such things go, they sit around, trying to find the right angle, finding the right words and then a second bit comes and slowly the ideas, the structure starts to take place. As such, sometimes it can take a long time for things to get to that point, sometimes they come instantly.

Of course,  it is always easier to write to direct questions like the last few blogs but sometimes one has to sit down and write properly. As this girl has often mentioned. Writing is often as much sharing what she knows as as well figuring out what she is writing about.

One note is there will be a little bit of a change on this blog. From now on she will actually have a little bit P.S.at the end of the blog; this is where she will be sharing some of her thoughts she had this week, which she has been requested to do. So that will have its own separate header at the end of the blog.

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Well, here’s the second part of this girls thirty questions on hypnosis as promised (part I, can be read here). And definitely on time as opposed to several days late. Got some mixed reactions on the last blog that she wrote, some good, some less so. But one can’t assume that just every blog well please everyone or at least content wise will appeal top everyone. This girl is of course aware that not everyone will share her entire range of fetishes and fascinations within BDSM. Different strokes and different folks.

To think of that, this girl got set a task this morning (Thursday, as we are speaking). She was to engage in foot worship, cleaning a dominants shoe with her tongue. She was not allowed to talk (after all, who’d want a slave talking with their mouth full), but had to pay strict attention to the shoe, as she will be quizzed on it.whether or not she’ll pass it remains to be seen

It’s a strange place to find myself in, to be subjected to such a thing. This girl wouldn’t say that foot worship is especially a fetish of her, but in the sense of it being a service to provide, she happily does it. Of course the control element and the humiliation of it, work well for this girl.

Still this girl is sure, the activity is having its intended effect as she keeps thinking back to it, remembering the details and with that the feelings that ran through her, work may be interesting today, hehe. But as this girl said, today will be on the next ten questions on hypnosis. So without much further ado, let’s get started:
(more…)

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »