Well the time for Christmas is rapidly approaching and this means that I am rushing all over the place to finish my projects for this year, along with all the usual stress of Christmas. I can say only one thing. Thank heavens for the likes of amazon and online retailers. It really means not having to deal with people as much as I used to have to.
But since I am not going to moan here too much about shopping (SL shopping is so much easier *laughs*). Let us have a look at what I shall write about this week. As I made the promise last week, this week I am going to do another questionnaire/meme or whatever the correct nomenclature you want to give to it. As per last week instead of doing the thirty days challenge, I am making it a thirty questions.
Of course, as per last week, if there are questions that I think are worth their own separate blog post I will eventually get around to writing about it. So, for that, I would say, watch this space. This week, the subject is not submission but kink more in general. This may be both easier to write about or harder (I already have seen some questions that made me blink).
(note, sadly I was not able to complete the whole 30 questions as it turned out to be more work then I anticipated and decided to split the blog in half. Time constraints and real life played a part in this as well as a slightly sore left wrist (no not because of that you perverts!)
1) Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you?
Definite (I had to laugh at my spell checker as it made it into defiantly. I am not saying a word) submissive. I don’t switch. I wrote about this last week and mentioned how much energy it costs me to actually take on a dominant role. SO I decided to keep it as submissive only.
As for what that means to me, is that I am willing to give my heart and soul into making that person happy, to devote my time and energy to serving that persons need but without going as far as completely forgetting about my own well being of course.
2) List your kinks.
This is a serious long list and full of things that directly or indirectly have to do with being restrained and/or controlled: I am giving you here a short list, mostly because you just do not get to know everything. A girl got to keep a little bit of mystery about herself, non?
My kinks are bondage (both normal and mental), impact-play (floggers, canes, paddles, spanking, etc), edge play (mainly breath and knife play), kitty play, steel restraints, cages, silk/lace/satin, rubber/latex, uniforms, heels/corset, forced dressing, hoods, gags, orgasm control/denial, training, speech-restriction and training, forced repetition, interrogation, humiliation, pony girl, behavioural conditioning, forniphilia, hypnosis, transformation/objectification. and dollification.
3) How did you discover you were kinky?
Mostly through books, I found some books, a few of them from John Norman’s Gor series, but also interestingly enough some of the short stories by Sir Arthur C. Clarke. I loved the fantasies described in them and would replay them in my head over and over and come up with scenarios in a similar fashion. I literally spend hours and hours on that. Come to think of it perhaps not to strange I have a slight love for writing stories.
From this onwards, I discovered self-bondage (and nearly got found out a couple of times) and I started to do research and eventually found out about BDSM and kink.
4) Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
See above, I think that question answers that in retrospect, both latent desires about writing or telling stories and kink was more than there.
5) What was your first kinky sexual experience?
My first kinky experience, discounting self bondage, was at a play-party after a munch and involved some light bondage and a light flogging and spanking. I thought it was totally awesome and felt never so excited and so at home at the same time.
6) Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
Hmm I am not entirely sure. And besides I may not want my deepest darkest secrets to go all out over the internet. One of my more vivid scenarios however involved latex, bondage and, control.
The basic premise was to be turned into a latex play toy but in such a manner that vision would be something that would be totally removed for a longer period of time. Of course this would require multiple layers and a host of bondage and restraining devices including a vacuum bed suspended on the wall (George Lucas and Han Solo in carbonite have a lot to answer for).
7) What’s your favourite toy?
I find this question very hard to answer. I think the toy would depend by and large on what is being done to me. There is always of course favourite vibrators, or that flogger that just feels so right, no matter what.
But if I have to name one, I guess it is going to be rope. Because it is so versatile and can be used from restraints, to gags, to clothing, and blindfolds.
8) Post a kinky image you find erotic.
The photographer, Marcus J. Ranum, [wikipedia] is without a shadow of a doubt one of my favourite photographers out there and I think his work has a quality and emotive side you don’t encounter often in other pictures.
9) Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.
While not entirely perhaps kink related, this video is entirely close to my heart and the girl in the video is absolutely adorable. I am not a big fan of tattoos, but I love hers.
10) What are your hard limits?
My hard limits are apart from the usual big ones, I am not into blood play, hate needles with a serious passion and electricity is not my thing. Also given away or being sold is not really my cup of tea either. I choose whom I submit to carefully and it is a gift, as much as clichéd platitude that may seem to be.
11) What are your views on the ethics of kink?
I freely admit I did not know how to answer this question, so I decided to do a little bit of research on what others has written. Based on that I can say at least the following.
For me, ethics of kink, points to those things that are important to me, in conduct, so in no certain order, I would say communication, honesty, consent and do not harm. The last one may see perhaps strange but in the BDSM there is a credo that focuses on the difference between hurt and harm. Hurt is okay and only temporary and can be over come with time, and, after care. Harm however is lasting and damages a person on more than just area, also emotionally or mentally.
12) Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you have had.
I once was playing with a dominant who for some reason or another had the habit of mimicking voices from Star Wars during play. I do not know to this day why, but it was both very disconcerting as well as very humorous. It also made it harder to reach subspace for me, so perhaps that is why he was doing it. It was as strange as it was surreal.
13) Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you?
I find it very hard to answer this question. Perhaps because in part it is something I am deeply comfortable with and for me could lead to answering the same question as “why is your hair black” or “why are you a neko in Second Life”, it’s all part and parcel of the person that I am.
However in an attempt to answer this. I find that submission resonates within me on a core level. Knowing that sometimes the smallest of actions can have a profound effect on the well being of my Mistress, the pleasure she gets of me serving her in whatever capacity she so desires is a huge fulfilling feeling.
Add to that the wonderful world of bondage and restraints, that allow me to revel in being completely helpless and having no choice other than having to take it and own it I suppose in a way, make it my own is a wonderful feeling. It’s like being cared for, surrounded by love, and knowing that you can surrender without feeling bad about it because you are both expected and unable to do anything else.
14) How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?
I think in fantasy BDSM the boundaries and checks that are there in reality are often forgotten. Not to mention that people seem to have a mental block as far as it comes to realising that there is another person on the end of the screen as well.
Also in fantasy, perhaps because it is fantasy, you see more extreme methods of behaviour; such as callous, disregard or respect for the submissive. In an idea virtual enviroment there should be a shift taking place on more mental aspects of bdsm but sadly that does not always seem to happen or to translate.
In a fantasy, everything is possible no matter how bad it may seem or how unsafe it is. However people should have a large reality check when it comes of making the transition to real life bdsm. Without that, something can often go deeply and badly wrong.
15) Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
The one I am really curious about and would love to try at some point; is hypnosis. I have a long fascination with it based on fantasy and reading but never ever have managed to go intro trance myself.
Admittedly the times I have tried in the far past, it was either online hypnosis, or through videos and I think those cases make it too distracting for me as there is always something shiny lying around that would distract me.
The problem is that many people treat hypnosis the same way they treat humiliation. They see it as a large catch all, as well as single method that can be applied to everyone, without any regard for the realisation that mental domination as such needs to be a whole tailored approach to the submissive, because each person and each mind is different.
Sadly at this point I have to throw in the towel as I am struggling to keep my eyes open and about to face plant severely into the keyboard. So for once I am going back on my word and leaving the second part (question 16-30) until next week rather than exhausting myself and doing harm to my body by stubbornly ploughing on.
I do hope you have enjoyed reading the first part of this meme and I do deeply apologise for not being able to finish the other questions. But so be it. I hope to see you all next week and until then …
Stay safe, have fun and do kink