Tonight I have a mixed bag of topics. Some of them are suggested, directly or indirectly, by friends. I must admit that I am not above asking people for ideas. But I always ask, I have never threatened anyone with bodily harm to provide a topic. Well, not that they would be willing to testify anyway.
I have been admittedly feeling rather relaxed over the last week, absolutely helped by more than gorgeous weather and enjoyed reading some of my favourite writing and writers blog and tweets. One of the the blogs wrote something that I have been thinking about. That as a writer you just need to sit down and write. No excuses, just you, the words and whatever the medium you write on. And I think it made an impact on me, that I tend to feel at times not in the mood to write and let that mood drag me along until the moment that I can not delay it further and the fear of missing a deadline or two, in this case not blogging and being too late to bed, overcomes my inertia.
Tonight while I am not overly early in writing, which is due to the fact that I just work better against deadlines (one of the many reason I would probably not make it as a professional writer) but I am feeling not overly stressed. I have my topics, so all I need to sit down and explore each of them a little bit better.
So; are you sitting comfortably? Good, let us get started:
1. How long is reasonable for someone to be in one position
That really depends on the position you put someone in in the first place really. It also depends by and large on some other factors, such as how used your submissive is going to be with holding such a position. And of course, some positions are more strenuous on the body then others.
Take for example a classic submissive kneeling pose. Your legs slightly parted, your bottom resting neatly on the heel. There are numerous ways that could exert pressure on the the body, mostly the heels and the feet ( a lot depending if her feet are flat on sitting on her toes as to speak).
However there is always the ability to train a submissive to hold a pose. Start slowly, and allow the submissive to work up in say increments of a couple of minutes to become slowly more proficient in holding the pose you desire. And really do keep it to a couple of minutes, perhaps five at the maximum. Your goal is to get her to maintain her pose longer, not to set her up to fail and make her feel bad about not achieving your standards.
But really the only way to be sure about this is, talk to your submissive. Know what her body can take, allow her to ask for changing positions. Work the changing of positions into a routine perhaps. User formal, such as described above and informal positions for the submissive to be in.
2. How to safe word or indicate stress if you’re gagged.
This is actually quite an easy one. There are different ways really of approaching this. So first of all I am going to divide this between how to approach this real life and how to approach this through on-line worlds as Second Life.
So in real life, you are gagged. So your means of communication are cut off and you can’t let them know if something is up. Wrong. There are many ways. The first of all there are hand signals, tapping on the shoulder, in a specific rhytm could really work. But ah, I hear you ask, what if my hands are tied so that I can’t use them.
Well the second method involves audio signals. While you may be gagged you can still hum for example. So let’s say you need to get loose. A predetermined tune (make it easy and recognisable, the four seasons by Vivaldi is not perhaps the best choice for this.
The third method could be using a tool, something that makes a nice amount of sound to alert your dominant that something is up and he needs to pay closer attention (and we’re not talking about the famous “my nose is itchy because my hands are tied” situation.
I have used both key methods as well anklet bells to indicate something is wrong and we need to stop or to back off for a moment. I have also seen other creative solutions such as using a helium filled balloon that would float away.
As for Second Life (I am, as you may have noticed talk a lot about this, but that is because I spend large amounts of time in that wonderful virtual world); there are some other ideas that work along the same lines really as their real life equivalent.
The first option is just to emote, that you are in need for assistance. That is easily enough but depends on your partner willingness and ability to understand. The second option is perhaps more widely used.
In the above situations I am taking the position that your IM’s are actually blocked and thus you can literally not speak. So how do you get their attention then? Well there is a sort of unoffical code that using the messages the gag gives off can be used to facilitate communication in their own way, much in the way that second life pony girls use to communicate.
So if you take from the “*** IM’s blocked by senders viewer“, are the message that the gag in second life gives off. Using that sentence once, would mean yes, twice would mean no, and three times would indicate that the wearer is in distress.
But all the above is to an extend kind of moot, since all the good gags (so to speak), will allow, what is technically called Out of Character Chat, or OOC in short. By encapsulating your sentence with double brackets “((” and “))” on each side it will bypass the system.
Granted in SL there is a less heavier need to use this then in real life where if something goes wrong, it can has real lasting consequences and thus making sure you have systems in place that warrant your safety and peace of mind are so much more important.
And the last question of the evening:
3. What is the difference between submission and obeying?
I based this question on one of the search terms that actually led to my blog. Talk about catering to my readers. I think it’s one of these terms that seemingly overlap each other.
So as I am prone to do, let’s first of all at the definitions
Submission: The act of submitting; the act of yielding to power or authority; surrender of the person and power to the control or government of another; obedience; compliance.
Obey: To give ear to; to execute the commands of; to yield submission to; to comply with the orders of.
Obedience: The act of obeying, or the state of being obedient; compliance with that which is required by authority; subjection to rightful restraint or control.
As you can see from above even the meaning of the terms are close to each other and pretty much are intertwined with each other.
For me however submission is not something that is forced upon me from above. It is something that in part resides with in me and is what makes me me. Its the sum of nature and nurture, my experiences, hopes, wants, needs. My dreams and desires.
For me obeying is much more defined to an act: Such as “I will obey the traffic laws”, but yes I also do obey any order my Mistress gives me. But in the latter case, my obedience comes forth out of the love I have for her and for the fact she has earned my submission. Where as in the former case, I have to obey the law because otherwise I get in trouble and I have no choice in the matter.
I think in abstract terms that is where the main difference lies. We all obey laws and rules and regulations that govern our live but most of us don’t make the choice, let alone consent or assent to that, unless you count silent consent. But I can’t remember having sat down with a government official and asking if I would agree to this. It is assumed consent more than anything else.
Where submission (this is different from being a submissive) is an action of conscious thought, of being fully informed and consenting knowing what we are stepping into.
And I think on that philosophical note I am going to end this blog. I hope you enjoyed reading today addition and if you have any questions, comments, requests etc, please do not hesitate to contact me through the comments or if you happen to know me in Second Life to shoot me a quick message.
Stay safe, have fun.