So today I want to focus on a more dedicated topic than the last couple of weeks. I want to talk about brattiness (as a behaviour) and brats (as a personality) For some reason it seems to be that such behaviour is far more prevalent in Second Life then in Real Life, although by all intentions it does do happen there just as well. I think the reason it is so prevalent in Second Life is that the medium plays its part here, as well as relationships that form over both distance and time-zones. This may make it easier for people to get multitudes of attention from around the globe as it were. I am not sure what causes it, and it’s merely an observation.
The idea of this topic came a last weekend when I was hanging at a BDSM type place in Second Life and overheard a submissive directly stating that she was going to piss of her dominant, so he would be paying attention to her. I tried to talk to her about why she was achieving this and what she thinks this would established but no, she was determined that she was going to get her way.
Such behaviour is not at all uncommon among a certain type of submissives. They are more determined to get their fill or share of pleasure, attention in whatever way it comes and if this does not fulfil them, they are soon off to the next dominant waiting to tease them to reaction. Of course the fulfilment is always short lived.
So let’s explore in this post, what exactly a brat is, what bratty behaviour exactly is and what, for the dominant among us, are some of the tools that can be used to prevent or counter act this kind of behaviour.
Let’s start of with a couple of definitions, so that we know at least that we are all talking about the same thing more or less. The definitions that are central to my blog-post tonight are Brat as in a persona and bratty/brattiness (as in the the behavioural aspect):
Brat: An ill-mannered immature person
Bratty: Characteristic of or resembling a brat; impudent
While the terms bratty and brat are very closely together, and that brats absolutely have generous and copious display of bratty behaviour, I do not think that exhibiting bratty behaviour would always indicate that the speaker may be a brat. But I will explain more about that behaviour in a bit.
Brats, are often easy to pick out in a group. Especially if they are trying to challenge the dominant to be punishment, or making statement such as “You can’t make me do this or that”. A lot of the way a brat behaves is about having to be forced in the roll. This is often referred to as a “Make Me” attitude, which must not be assumed to be similar or on par with the “Do me” attitude prevalent in some submissives. But that would be a topic for another time (as you should be used to if you are a regular reader of my blog).
Other characteristics of a brat is being disrespectful and choosing their own way through life and their relationships. Being collared or in service to a dominant really does not change such a thing and they would have no quarrel in being rude or impolite to their dominant or even go as far as suggesting that the dominant just should be quiet. They are a force that can be hurtful in a relationship is let to run wild.
The above describes a brat. However a submissive being bratty is something entirely different. Quite often a submissive being bratty is just being playful and toeing the line to what would be acceptable. Being bratty in a submissives behaviour can in some circumstances, especially in early stages of a relationship, be a way for the submissive to explore reactions of the dominant and find a foothold until the respective roles line out and firm themselves.
Bratty behaviour is not quite uncommon within so called spirited submissives. In discussing this topic with several dominants in the past; most of them have stated that a highly spirited submissive is a joy to behold, and an even greater joy to own. Life would not be boring.
The difference between a spirited submissive being playful and teasing, and thus exhibiting what most would describe as bratty behaviour, and a brat in full on mode, is that the submissive will guard herself in the first place not to to go over the line of what is considered acceptable and often will back down and calm herself. If that is not happening, often a quick word from a dominant will cause them to back off.
One of the biggest problem especially around new dominants is that they have a hard time in distinguishing the difference between being a brat and a submissive being playful and displaying signs of bratty behaviour and tar them all to often with the same brush. And sadly the other spectrum of the problem is that brats often display this as a merit badge and giving newcomers to the community the idea that this kind of behaviour is acceptable or even worse proffered.
I have often been called a brat, while I just as often disagree with that statement. Mostly because I am not a brat, but mostly just being playful and having a good time an try to engage people in talking, joking or whatever to lift the mood of a place. Nothing is so detrimental to the mood of having several people sitting around in Second Life and just all being quiet. Imagine going to a pub and everyone is either typing away on their phone or whispering in groups of two. People would soon find another place. So, in that aspect I try to engage people in talking, discussing topics. I personally call that engaging, being lively and perhaps a little bit bratty.
But the difference often is I do exhibit that behaviour when I am with Mistress out and about and sitting at her feet. But there it becomes clear how much my behaviour is just my personality coming out and being engaging rather than being a brat. Just a look from her, or more commonly, a nudge with her toe against my knee will be enough to make me snap shut and behave in the way she wants me to.
Some advice for the dominants out there: Be aware that bratty behaviour can be a sign of acting out by the submissive and in such case if the behaviour continues (see the example I gave at the beginning that let me to writing this blog post), it would be good for the dominant to sit down with the submissive and talk and discover the source of their behaviour and see what can be adjusted in their relationship so that such behaviour is no longer needed and discourages the growing discontent that may end up turning the submissive into a full fledged brat. But it will take a skilled dominant to see the difference.
If you’re submissive is bratting it up, so to speak … there is a tool that could help you put them right on track. The thing that most brats want is that they seek attention, in whatever form. Denying them this in any way shape or form is often a way to bring your submissive back in line and open the way to further and honest communications of the wants and needs. However be forewarned that withdrawing attention from submissives is not something that should be done very lightly and above all with careful consideration and never for longer periods of time. Distancing yourself may work as a shock tactic, especially in the realm of online relationships but too long or even worse forgetting about your submissive may end up tearing parts in the fabric of your relationship.
As for the submissive, there is little advice I can give you but this: Do not engage in the behaviour of a brat to get that what you want. Such actions undermine the pillars of your relationships and in the long run does do more damage to your relationship then it will do good. Disobeying standing or direct orders in exchange for a little bit of attention is something that in the end run may just come to cost to much.
So, the biggest question there is then. If your dominant is not doing something, or you want him to try something or you want to have him pay you more attention or what ever the case may be …how do you get your dominant to do the things you want him to do?
The answer in my view is rather simple. Talk! I know I keep hammering on about this but communication is, always will be, remains, etc the key to relationships. Whether you are in a D/s relationship, a vanilla, swing-set, or regardless what you want to call it, communicating your needs and desires is the key. Talk with him, ask openly about what you want. They are our dominants , not our dictators, nobody threw a scimitar at them.
And above all they are human and not mind readers. Unless we tell them what our wants, needs, desires, hopes, dreams and lusts are, they can simply not know. And only by opening ourselves up to them and talking things through can they get greater understanding in us and make our lives better and more fulfilled.
Stay safe, have fun and be good to one another.