While the title may be confusing this is not a post about people who go completely over the top within the scene and display a certain flair of showmanship when it comes to applying their craft.
I have to admit that while talking about this subject with my friend Mara, I just had to add the above disclaimer. With some people; well I guess the old adage “with friends like these who needs enemies” at times may be true.
There comes a time often within bdsm that we, as a submissive, are taken out into the wide world. Whether that be to a vanilla outing or a kink oriented one, often the outing comes for the submissive to be on their best behaviour. And of course this makes sense. After all, at least in my view, our behaviour reflects directly on our Mistress/Master and on their training and guidance of us.
However as I am planning to show in tonight’s blog, there are very many ways of showing off a submissive, perchance even some that do not require the dominant to be present, but I think it really is fair to say that within BDSM there are many ways and possibilities of showing off a submissive.
Apart from talking about about what different forms and/or ways there are of showing off a submissive, I want to see if I also can touch upon the subject of what showing off actually could achieve, not only for a submissive but also for the dominant and for the relationship.
So let’s have a look and let me show off my knowledge (see what I did there!?)
As I mentioned in the introduction there are different ways of showing off a submission. To name a few, you can show off her body, her mental state, her state of training and show her off in service. Off course in my usual fashion I shall briefly talk about each of these separately:
The first, and perhaps the most well known within BSDM is either generally showing off your submissive or showing off her body. In the former, this could constitute as much as taking your submissive along while holding her by a leash. This will mean the submissive goes where the dominant wants her to go, and she will be literally kept on a short leash.
Now how is this showing off, I hear you ask? Well first of all by the sheer fact that the submissive is on the leash, make people pay attention. It is a powerful symbol of the relationship and who is in charge. Also a well trained submissive on the leash could easily react to the the smallest of signals (more about that later), because a leash apart from giving a great deal of control to the dominant also provides a substantial amount of feedback for the submissive. As per usual it works both ways.
In the latter case we are looking at either displaying a submissive naked or in a state of dressing as desired by the dominant. However, perhaps sadly, I have to admit that in case of dress chosen by the dominant, especially in the virtual world of Second Life, this means short and skimpy, although this to an extend does apply to real life as well, especially as portrayed by the media.
Does that mean I think it is wrong to show of your submissives body, if you are proud of it? Absolutely not. I think there is a great deal to be said for allowing a dominant to show their pride in their submissive. But I don’t think it should be done willy-nilly and at every drop of the hat. Moderation in everything and well thought out actions for me speak a lot louder then a standard “let’s have you naked all the time” attitude. Of course each coin has two sides and I can easily come up with scenarios where it is desired for the submissive to be naked for prolonged period of times.
The next three ways of showing off a submissive have close ties with each other and some overlapping. First of all I am going to start with the service side of showing a submissive off and with this I really mean the way a submissive can show to be attentive to a dominants needs, to know what is expected of them.
There are two different ways service can be seen however, but one of the scenarios I had in mind, could be with a dominant having other dominants and/or friends over, where the submissive is required to serve the dominant(s) silently. I think there is an incredible head space there, just to be there and be used to serve, fetch drinks and the rest of the time, either to stand at attention behind the dominant, or even in a corner waiting to be summoned, or kneeling at the dominants side.
Another scenario of showing off the submissive is to let her perform a tea ceremony. The intricacies and eye of detail of a submissive showcasing this
So how is this showing off? It allows the dominant to show off how well the training of a submissive is progressing. But that is not all. It also can serve to have your behaviour on display, not just for themselves, but also for other couples. I am, of course, the first to admit that such an above scenario is not something everyone will enjoy but you know, my blog and all.
So the above hope at least shows to some degree that showing off a submissive, does not always means she has to undress. In fact one can just show off her behaviour, whether that be in the flesh, in her behaviour, in her service or in play.
Then, there is at least one, other way that comes to mind where one can show off their submissive. This is a lot less done I think (or at least I have not hugely come across this). But the scenario is as follows. Say the dominant is going away for a certain period of time but wants to leave the submissive cared for. In such a time, a dominant could lend out the submissive to another dominant and will get reports back on her behaviour and actions.
This is a more elaborate way of showing off, which combines some other factors as well, but could in principle work in either the scenario as described above, or for a short term period (In the latter case it would be more of “For tonight you will attend to another dominants needs of my choosing and I want you to make me proud“).
So what are some of the goals that a dominant want to achieve when showing off a submissive. Well apart from the most obvious (let’s show you off because I can), there can be often a mixed bag of reasons that apply for this.
First and foremost perhaps there is pride. Pride in showing off your most treasured possession. To take joy in showing her to the world and knowing that irrevocably she is yours. Especially in environments where the general rules are ‘look but do not touch without permission’.
One of the other reasons could be humiliation. To make the submissive feel vulnerable (which is different from actually being vulnerable) and perhaps engage the submissive that she is feeling embarrassed about her state of undress in the presence of otherwise clothed people. This scenario is often present in so called CMNF (clothed male, naked female) gatherings, but personally I really think that they should be made CDNS (clothed dominants, naked submissive).
Of course, from the point of the submissive, powerful feelings in the form of exhibitionism, candaulism and voyeurism could also play a part in why either the submissive or the dominant want to engage in this.
And finally of course there is the reason of showing your submissive off as part of her training. Although often this will include part humiliation play when showing off her body. When this is done as part of service it may be a good tool to measure the progress and adaptation of your instructions.
I hope in the above blog post, I have been able to show you at least the tip of the iceberg on this subject and that showing off a submissive is something that can actually go above and beyond just having her naked at your feet, but there can be different factors at play depending on the dominant wishes and intentions.
So next time you want to do this, take a moment to reflect on what is going on, what is going to happen and what your goals and desires are. Not just in your own mind, but also what it could mean for your submissive.
But above all, be proud of what she does for you and have fun.
 Please be aware that you may make others unwittingly part of your scene by the mere act of observing your interactions in public. While this may not be a big thing in say, a bdsm club, pulling your submissive by the leash over the street may make people uncomfortable, and there are other ways to handle that.
 Of course I know that media, especially those that display and portray bdsm videos, are hardly ever a realistic representation. And to an extend that extents to the reporting media as well. After all a loving d/s relationship is not overly exciting to report on, but say a female dominant and male submissive scene with humiliation and ball busting is controversial and that is good for the viewing numbers.